The Fullness of Nothingness

Photo by Manish Doshi 2019 – I was resting my spine on Earth at the edge of Crater Lake Oregon after a long hike. The peace was refreshing, the blue is the real color of the lake & the photo unplanned.

“Do Nothing – It is the Brave who can truly rest on this planet”

Do Nothing – I wrote this poem in April 2018. I was reminded of it when I was trying to make sense of my current unexpected blog break. My Kind WordPress friends, YOUR comments on this poem comforted and validated me, after 4 years now. Hope you enjoy it – on the image above or revisit on the linked title.

Life is gloriously flowing through me and I am simply Being – at times very raw and at times spacious freedom from shedding deeper identities. I feel very blessed for the opportunity of this lifetime and the abundance I am surrounded by, that I get to steep myself in when I choose to do nothing.

In the beginning, my mind rebelled against not delivering to my own expectations of a given day. Even while engaged in hands-on tasks of everyday life, I was inwardly pulled to the WordPress Space wanting to post my latest poetry, read yours, and engage in precious conversations that are the gift of this space. Each time I attempted to explain/inform of my unintended break, I as if entered a portal of stunning nothingness. Spirit questioned if my words were better than silence and silence became the choice.

The guidance was strong, I got steered away from all engagement. The mind went into a lot of chaos initially, collecting pieces of past, present, and future to make sense of. Once I steadied myself by allowing all that to pass through, a lot of truth that I was unwilling to accept became evident. The lies that I lived with, shook my now-reality into a fast spin. A lot of disintegration and reintegration seemed due.

This one was a transition similar to others, and it was also a different space of magical drift into nothingness. I wasn’t in a healing hole sliding down like in the past. I was feeling spacious, raw, getting renewed – I was immersed in the utter Beingness. There were waves of grief as I shed my past self, yet no tears, I was steady. Just Being present in the moment. There was no need for anything to be different, all sense of direction and aspiration suspended. There was a need for Slowness, amidst the Infinite waves of life. I often tend to pick up doubt in this way of being as much as I advocate it. I moved past that eventually.

There was a child-like joy with the knowing to make choices with lots of breathing space around for my intuition to be heard – for my reality and tasks to be structured differently than I was holding them – I gave myself renewed permission for taking the time to do one thing at one time, one day at a time, one week at a time with deep attention, with no sense of urgency or busyness. I was thrilled with the trust I felt in the Glorious Unkown, while Being in the wide-open spaciousness and tender vulnerability of the moment. The nature of Presence is such.

Be-come – This is a short post from December 2019 that Spirit guided me to, during this phase of Nothingness. It had conveyed the exact words as a reminder for my current self and yet again – my WordPress friends YOUR comments on it are an absolute treasure to return to. I humbly offer this post to you to revisit or if you are new to my space since then.

Even if it felt like Nothingness – some Infinite Living ways continued – I attended to every day needs of my family, at times hosted guests, had sacred conversations while facilitating my private students, completed my assignments as a full-time student & attended classes for my 4 year-long yoga therapist training. The list of what I allowed to fall off my day feels longer still as I have allowed myself the luxury of plenty of time. That’s where I am ready to receive guidance to make choices in powerful and playful ways. I am not giving up on anything I started, all that I have held in my intention with utmost love and gratitude.

Photo by Manish Doshi 2015 – Powerful & Playful is how I choose 🙂

“It is the Brave who can truly rest on this planet” – I am truly blessed and privileged for all that I am afforded – to dream and to live.

Dear WP friends – I look forward to visiting your blog space to find updates on your end that I have dearly missed. I sincerely hope you trust me when I say – my gratitude only deepens for this space with each passing day. It is very kind of you to allow and witness my inner process of living as you always do. My Presence, Slowness, Genuine Gratitude, Utmost Regard for you and your work, with Absolute Love and Humble Bow.

Livable Poetry

Photo (Myself) by Manish Doshi

Dreams and Fantasy for the Future
from the Waking Moments
Are sometimes like Pure Poetry
made Livable.

I remember my thoughts while watching this particular sunset. I was sending a wish out in the ocean – perhaps I will get to a place in life when/where I wouldn’t miss a single sunset over the ocean any day, every day. I had a heart full of gratitude for this sunset view, and it is perfectly ok if I don’t return for another one for however long. But just perhaps I would be at a place with this view every single day. How many sunsets do I have in store anyway?

On another note:

I started blogging in 2015 when I suddenly found myself in the midst of surge after surge of poetry pouring out of me. By 2018 that surge got replaced by short snippets of inspiration that I was moved to pair with personal photographs and create images out of them. Have you visited my Inspiration Gallery?
(These were posted individually over the years and are linked from this gallery to the story or poetry.)

My heart feels full to the brim with joy and gratitude to have this collection together and updated constantly, it is my humble contribution to art for the world – if it can be called so. I admit to the amateurish nature of my pieces. Because they are exactly that. My amateur attempts with joy.

It always gives me utmost joy to hear what you think of this latest one above ‘Livable Poetry’. Here’s the link to Inspiration Gallery again, if you would want to visit and browse through.

Phenomena at the Ocean

Some glimpses on our planet make me feel blissed and blessed for being alive here. They fill me with pride, glory, and humility in my being. They drop my felt sense experience of living into a sense of nothingness, in a way that I become present to life in ways indescribable. They stun me into silence and a childlike surprise for being chosen for these unexpected prizes for being in the right place at the right time, in the most undramatic manner.

This is how I feel about my visit to Maui, Hawaii at the end of December 2021. I expected warm waters, pristine beaches, forest hikes, and beautiful sunsets but didn’t imagine encountering these few other things:

I used to wake up in the early dark hours in anticipation of catching the sky colors at sunrise. I witnessed this instead. (It was difficult to pick just one picture of each kind. These are simple mobile clicks)

Spotlight from the Sky – Divine Light at 5.30ish am
Photo by myself
Full Moon shimmering on the Ocean – Oh the garments our planet wears
Photo by Manish Doshi
The Moon setting behind the island of Molokai
Photo by Manish Doshi

As if this was not enough, a totally unknown (to me) phenomenon was sent my way!

A night rainbow at 9.45 pm! I am told it is a rare sight on some moonlit nights and is called a Moonbow!
The picture is taken at night setting, the sky was much darker than seen here. Photo by Manish Doshi
Can you trace the lower end of the rainbow entering the water close to the shore? That was new to me!! It is not a reflection on the water, it is the rainbow curving all the way!
Almost full circle daytime rainbow at the same location. Photo by myself

These phenomena at the ocean along with other soul-nourishing experiences made me pinch myself for why I deserved this perfection of life moments. I met the ocean in various moods – calm & clear, fun and playful, and yes amidst all this beauty I had a major emotional meltdown as if wanting to deeply feel my worldly humanness again. As much as the Ocean mirrored the former qualities with slow rhythmic waves at the shore, it also joined me with thunderous unruly waves for the latter mood. The ocean showed me how all kinds of waves are beautiful – it is just breathtaking how we get to have all our humanly ways of being. I returned forever in gratitude.

Photo by myself

A short poem that emerged for an early morning with the waves:

The Ocean lends me a sense
Of power and beauty
Quite Unapologetically
The waves within
Are as playful or then unruly
I allow them all to flow
Quite Un-shyly

Those Moments of Living with Myself

Photo by Myself

I am deeply overjoyed to share this poem, the first to be published today on MasticadoresUsa. I offer my utmost gratitude to Editor and #1 Amazon Bestseller Author Gabriela Marie Milton for finding my poem worthy of their platform.

The Earth
of my Being
as if is splitting
into parts
yet again

Dry lands
of my emotions
as if fueling
Fires
of my thoughts

Wildfires spreading
no tears raining
:
:
Please go here to read the complete poem. It is an honor and a privilege that you would take the time!
Thank You. Thank You. Thank You :)))


Oh the Gratitude & Joy

It is Monday, time for my weekly post. I almost decided to skip posting today. The only way to convey the deep rich silence I am feeling full with, is Silence – I thought. And yet I wanted to park myself in this space. To be Here with you all. So then I decided to bring these glimpses of my yesterday to you, a day I spent in the golden weather and nature of California with a dear friend. These pictures are the only times I felt the urge to use my phone, and lock the moments in memory. I didn’t plan well to be able to share with you better, I hope you feel the magic dripping from the moments I did capture.

The Vineyards of Napa Valley
The Train, The Road & The Vineyards: It was thrilling to spot the train coming, pulling over the shoulder on the highway, and the perfect timing of my friend getting out of the car to get this picture. (We were also being safe :))
It felt like I had never seen more beautiful ripples on water.
Yeah the weather was pure gold
Such ornamental display by the side of the parking lot!
Made me forget I was standing on the sidewalk of a busy traffic street, I thought I wanted to spend the day sitting on this carpet.
As I lined my spine on Earth, looking at this sky through the Leaves&Light, the aroma of fresh grass replenished my Being
Entering Storyland …as if. This photo is by my friend.
Oh, the Gratitude & Joy I feel!!

Blessed Feelings. I offer to you the peace and rich silence within. Hope you take some moments to yourself and breathe in with ease & joy of your Being.

Life, a Celebration

Photo by myself

Life is a Celebration every moment we notice our blessings and happiness.

Whenever I see a rainbow it seems to be a very personal experience as if the rainbow appeared just for me to see, or perhaps I am wherever I am, just so I would see the rainbow.

There are times I feel so blessed, I wonder whether I am celebrating life itself or celebrating myself in life.

I feel utmost reverence and gratitude for getting to be alive on this planet, surrounded by angels and lessons exactly as needed for my evolution. It is my insistence to discover, understand and carve out my authentic being while embracing the gifts and trials of familial roles and relations. What a privilege to get to pursue the spiritual while getting to traverse the precious worldly.

I look at this lifetime as a series of rebirths into different versions of me. Some rebirths are unexpected painful ones and some are inherently woven to become invisible in the fabric of life.

I don’t feel any number to my age. Parts of my childhood self are still catching up with the growing up. There are moments I feel whole in the present, and there are moments I am being pulled back into my smallness or forward discontentedly into the future.

When I found the language of my offering to the world through becoming a yoga teacher – I pursued it relentlessly, got designated E-RYT 500. In short, that means I have completed 2000 plus some big number hours of teaching and facilitating transformation for others in my humble capacity, and completed the required education for that.

I am thrilled to find myself at yet another tunnel of rebirth. I am claiming this one to be a happy kind of rebirth as I am choosing to become a beginner student again with a 4 year long Yoga Therapist Training with my teacher Chase Bossart and his school Yoga Well Institute. Unlike my other rebirths of emerging into the unknowns, this one feels so exciting for discovering what would become of me at the end of the next 5 years.

Dear WordPress friends, all of you are an exquisite contribution to my being here today in one way or another. I feel deep gratitude for You and this rich space for heartfelt expressions, authentic emergence, and truthful cultivation of our life journeys.

Life is a Celebration every moment we notice our blessings and happiness.

For those who are curious, the website for my yoga work is http://www.YogaSaar.com.

What are you really looking at?

I felt moved to repost this inspiration first published on August 22, 2016. It has come back to me to help me look at my own deeper wounds and how I am doing at allowing the light to bring healing. I have had a long unconscious tendency to overlook all that is hurtful and gloss it over with positivity and love. Until the lies to myself stop working, I am forced to face the truth. I am grateful to find the capacity for greater deep dives in the crevices of my wounds than ever before. 

Peeping thru the leaves - starburst at dawn - Kala Pathar beach - Havelock - 1F8A1073

“Peeping through the leaves” by Atanu Chakraborty

There’s an empty glass of water sitting on the counter. It is broken. It is holding together but it has been shattered and has cracks going all direction. I look at it and see just that and nothing else …a piece of broken glass.

If you try to think of a situation or event in life that might have shattered your intact way of being …what do you really think of ? A situation that has cracked your core and wounded you open in places? Or something that has been bothering you very much since yesterday or last week? The broken glass probably doesn’t really represent anything to you. Life is perfect …except that this person, yesterday or last week, did not behave well, had a wrong attitude, did not do exactly like you expected or even deserved. My glass is as intact as ever. Now if I somehow make evident to this person that he/she has wronged me, I can get on with my perfect life … 🙂

I glance up out of the window behind the counter. There is this big vibrant sweet gum tree, always standing tall majestically, un-wavered through the winds and seasons. There are 2 men cutting off overgrown branches. The ones that were weighing down on the core were being fell to the ground. The idea made me feel light. They then raked off the fallen leaves and branches, leaving the ground clean and green again. A lot felt cleared on the slate of my mind. The sky was in better view now that the tree was trimmed.

Looking down at the broken glass again, sunlight now reached through the window and pierced through the broken glass …as if pouring through the cracks …filling them up, making it shine like never before.

I closed my eyes. Trying to imagine the healing golden light pour through my wounds and cracks. The glass became all gold but a dull one …no more cracks. Instantly I erased it and opened my eyes. If I am healed of my cracks I better look lustrous, I do not accept dullness!! …Ohhh do I accept my cracks?!!!

Are they caused by blows caused by other people or person? No, I do not play that blame game in my life. Did I allow those to be caused to me? Was I never strong enough to stand up to myself? That self-judgment doesn’t feel good and hurts me. So I am not going to relate to that broken glass in any way!!!

How many times do we try to mask and escape this way? In day to day life, what are we really looking at? Is it really the person yesterday that has made your life miserable? Or is there a deeper patterning at work here, a deeper healing  that we are denying ourselves? Healing of our health, and also relationships, with ourselves and the most significant to us. So, all that is bare and there, is there to nourish us.

Be brave to see the cracks, the deep wounds, let light enter through them, seal them and heal them. Let the glass hold the gold of clarity for you to drink from it. A crack in the roof of a deep dark cave lets the light in …imagine the exhilaration of seeing your path clearly, when you encounter that crack. What chipped the roof to make that crack, all the trauma that it endured, is just the drama that can become your story, that you might tell one day.

Be wiling to see your cracks …not as some external object or person. Sometimes we have shown such enormous endurance towards something un-imagined, or even unacknowledged, we don’t dare to look back at it …making us cranky at the most trivial though. Sure it is very human and also helpful in the healing process. But really if you see what you are looking at and what you are trying to escape, it becomes a true digesting of life events …tantrums, tears and all that are a part of it. Let it flow!

The light will always lead you to solace …if you allow it to enter you …pierce through you …seal you and heal you and shine you!

The trail behind me

I feel that I am personally transitioning through a portal from a known past into an unknown future in so many ways at once. It is eerie how outwardly all the walls of reality still look the same, and yet as if all the mental castles of reality have inwardly collapsed. Each day I find another brick falling.

As if each day I wake up and walk into a hall of mirrors absolutely wanting to confuse me – Is that me? or is that one me? Until I push back on a mirror to have it open on to a very expansive space of peace, joy and lightness, carrying an air of crisp clarity.

It is so thrilling and awesome terrifying to surrender in to that space, and live without alignment or resistance to any mental constructs, comforts of relations, definitions, concepts of what exactly makes up our everyday life. Also it is awesome that I don’t have the ever insistent fear rumbling inside me. For I recognize this portal from 5 years ago, and I know now what brilliance awaits on the other side of it.

I love and embrace with a much robust gratitude and awe, the exquisite and divine guidance, synchronicity and perfection with which this play of life is executed. These are such powerful times that our tribe of truth seekers and heart followers are finding their way with themselves and each other like never before! I am now ready to show up in ways like never before.

And hence, I wished to post this poem and picture today to share with you, my gratitude for the trail behind me. For the people on the trail with me.

This poem was first published on August 16, 2016, 5 years ago today.

There’s a trail from the past behind me
From whence in this moment I arrive
I look forward to see
Whereto it wants me strive
The smile on my face
Belongs to those who helped me thrive

The chosen and unchosen soul friends
The given and unchosen of relationships
With their simply Being or coaxing mends
Diffused and dissolved perceived hardships

I have all of You in my heart
To walk with You, I would go back to start
Gratitude for You will keep You forever with me
Especially when I seem to have parted ways with thee
There’s times when only You can make me less lonely

That’s when I look back at the trail
Find the bend where you found me frail
Then I walk forward steadily a mile
Taking with me the newfound smile

The Fear-quake at 3am

Photo by myself

3 am Fear-Quake
Seismic activity
Not plates colliding
More like
River revolving
Not flowing
But like
Pouring
Out of the
Heart cave
To form a whirlpool
In the belly
Richter scale
reading registered
Incessantly in the brain
Momentum of thoughts
Keep pale awake
Heavy eyes
Floods they make
Pulling the river
Reversed
From belly to cave
Heartbeat
Aftershocks
Desolate search
Breath rhythm found
Richter Scale broken
Blank
Lost
Quiet
Grief
No river
Anymore
Cave open
To the ocean
Of Being
Belly becomes shore
For the waves
Of breathing
Vision ships
Awake sleeping
Powerful release
To all turmoil within

The Ordinary Extraordinary

Photo by myself: Crater Lake, Oregon. Unedited mobile click – what is so ordinary or extraordinary about this picture?

It helps to blur the line between ordinary and extraordinary, whichever end we think us to be on. When extraordinary strength is required for everyday life during challenging situations that seem to be present for a long term, it helps to remember that even ‘normal’ life feels the same periodically.

I realized this when I dealt with a difficult illness for some years with no break of ‘normalcy’. I decidedly trained myself to accept my new normal and then the days that felt really hard became just like any ‘normal’ life. It lifted the burden of Why Me-s and made it somewhat more acceptable to live through the ordinary pain of a seemingly extra-ordinary situation (or vice versa).

And when we think of us as ordinary and normal it helps to remember that we hold the potential for extraordinary. When life is ‘normal’ we take it for granted that only some special people have strength. We forget that they are choosing to be strong. All of us have the choice to go a bit beyond our comfort zone, with integrity to our well being.

I love and admire people who have, what I don’t have in me yet. We need all shades of capacity, resilience and joy in differing measures from time to time. I keep learning to love myself more and more with all my perceived shortcomings. It gives a renewed taste of newfound freedom continually.

All things big and small when dropped to the felt sense become our internal experiences. No experience is ordinary or extra-ordinary, in some ways. Just because it happens to everyone and is normal, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be affected. If our thoughts and emotions are taking over that means our experience is real. It is affecting the quality of our life. Acceptance is being aware of all of that.

When fear grips, it means some perceived and real experiences have left us with no control over how we feel and choose. It becomes a struggle even when we have had a taste of divine faith before. We now seem to have lost the ability to be congruent with the core of our original being. When our system is out of balance the fear might bring up some pain or symptom in the body. We might feel agitation or confusion in the mind, we lose the capacity to connect with divine faith.

It is helpful at such times to create experiences to influence our system in the direction of balance. This can be done in various ways. A breathing practice that brings the body and mind to a calmer & clearer state of being, time in solitude or nature with nurturing activities. To me sometimes I just need honest conversations with people who can act as authentic mirrors to me. Either a friend or mentor who reinforces and channels that sense of trust, faith or divine connection back in our system.

I have found tremendous rich value in this process of intentional shifts between imbalance & balance, ordinary & extraordinary, and fear & faith. I am blessed to be a receiver of such reinforcements from friends and teachers that I reach out to.

I am also grateful to have opportunities to facilitate such shifts through the yoga classes that I teach in group and private sessions. If you are curious check my humble yoga website: http://www.YogaSaar.com

This post is from a train of thoughts that I had saved in my drafts. I would be honored to know what came up for you and if we are able to exchange perspectives.