Flowers strewn all over my walking path feel like a definite sign and reminder of blessings on my way. They make me pause and smile – at myself, and at their short miraculous existence that brings beauty and joy on our way. That is if we happen to encounter them in different ways – either as buds, blooms or dried and fallen around undramatically returning to ground. And we get to walk on that ground.
We get to walk on this Earth. Sometimes with flowers strewn on our way… And sometimes there are pebbles…
As a child growing up in a tiny home in Mumbai, I used to run out to play with my friends without any shoes or slippers. Coarse sand and tiny pebbles poked my feet but I only remember a befriended feeling of it. Staying out as much as possible was happiness and the feet stepped on and around the pebbles effortlessly.
My family later upgraded to an upstairs apartment in another town and from there into adulthood, stepping out only with shoes on became the norm. It took some decades until now to get back to appreciate going barefoot, welcoming the experience of Earth through the sands, the grass, the water. I am beginning to also venture on to some pebbled areas to test how my comfort conditioned feet now play with the tingles and the tickles.
“Wherever I Stand, I Stand on the same Earth” Use this to stand a bit taller Use this to soften within…
These lines posted on Jan 26, 2017 came to my mind today. They had come from my awareness of so many levels of separation we feel with others – the feelings of smallness or superiority based on innumerable definitions we have created as our markers, including where we live, what we eat, how we spend our day – literally shaping how we live our life. There was a yearning to share the feeling of Oneness and yet not much ability for how to live it. So I had reminded myself that we share the same Earth – it felt as simple and as radical.
Today, we are collectively experiencing our existence on Earth as never imagined before. The world is vaccinated and opening up where I live. Yet family and friends in India are suffering deep losses and hardship every day. I feel trust in our Oneness and in our Earth to guide us to be of support to each other.
How do you relate to these 3 lines that came back to me today? I would be honored to know what came up for you when you read them. I discovered a lot more layers in those lines today from the time that I first wrote them.
Just that. Feeling very silent. Needing to be in that inward space. Or that outward sunshine. Yet still feeling the Love to be in this space. To share with you all in this moment. And receive from you the fullest. Will wait to find the nudge, the words, the inspiration to be back here – I don’t suspect it to be too long until I do, I trust the timing to find me. Be well my friends, take good care of your being, I will stop by your works after few days.
I found myself in this tender raw space of being this past week. Outwardly I was functional for day to day life and inwardly I have been sliding down, what I now call, a healing hole. It is a messy, vulnerable experience every single time when that happens. You know the kind of unwellness that you feel and there is actually nothing really wrong in the present times? The kind that would convince you of your loneliness when actually what is true is the wisdom of being present with the aloneness in this process.
I felt assured that I will be guided and supported throughout. There was something within me that was almost thrilled at this opportunity of cleansing and renewal that it usually is. Knowing fully well it comes with much heart ache, tears and discomfort.
It can get pretty dark and lonely in the mind forest where you are clearing away the dense thicket of old beliefs, tendencies and old patterns. Some are so much our comfort zone yet a source of continual Dis-ease. I am not new to this geography of our mind for how we create our reality from all that we allow to grow here.
Just in case that I don’t lose myself fully in the seeming abyss, I made sure I informed few friends that I am feeling the urge to isolate. One soul friend accompanied me into my thickest and reminded me to remain in this human state of suffering only long enough that I am actually using it to clear out the old, and emerge renewed. The realities that we get stuck in, are mostly created in our mind by humans around. It is our responsibility to change that. She reinforced my connection with this Universe, my oneness with the Earth, the sky, the grass, so I could tap into the Infinite source to breathe and feel good where I am.
I found access to a deeper level of myself, that corner of my mind basement that had long gotten neglected. I had to shine the light on everywhere I was conforming at the cost of being my true self. I had to become comfortable to allow the chaos while I clear the space and make the required shifts to reclaim my power. It can feel very disruptive and scary, but then it is all in the mind. The only way out is through.
I am amused at my arrogance that I feel shocked initially for having to do this inner work yet again. Judging myself for getting hit with this intense a low. As I watched myself continue to slip deeper, I knew I had to surrender to the wave. I slowed down to the fullest. Giving myself full permission for zero productivity. It is surprising how all the necessary gets done with better quality of attention and satisfaction this way.
No matter who is available for us, these are lonesome stretches that we have to be willing to walk through, without mistaking it for being alone, or trying to escape it. Even though it might feel excruciatingly lonely while going through some of it. How we relate to family and society are constructs of our minds. The greatest support from our immediate family is the space for these individual journeys. Drawing boundaries around our personal well being is a necessity.
I marvel in gratitude at how richly beautiful this life is, how amazingly supported we are. AmyRose a divine friend from this blog world sensed where I am through my comment on her blog and wrote this to me, affirming powerfully –
“This journey all of us have been on is far from easy. We all have our good, bad, and then some iffy days. It takes practice acting like you and not how you have been conditioned to behave. You are fortunate you are learning this now, for the energies are creating the opportunities for you to grow rapidly. Always listen to your heart for it will not ever lead you wrong. You will know when you do or say or think something that is not lined up for your highest good because your Inner Guidance will not leave you alone until you rectify whatever it is that rubs your Golden Heart wrong. Be gentle with yourself ….” (Do visit Amy by clicking on her name above, you will find her photography, and authenticity incredible at the least! She inspires me, guides me through her work and words.)
Today I woke up with a very tender nascent feeling, as if I had managed to crawl back to the rim of the hole and now simply absorbing the light. I decided I will take a break from my every Monday blog post. I felt exhausted and absolutely blank about wanting to share anything. Then the following words popped up as FB memory, that I had posted on my wall exactly 6 years ago today in 2015, when I didn’t know what a blog meant and that I would be called a writer.
I felt charged with aliveness after reading these words, a bold reminder of how I have been here before. That I can restart small and slow. I decided to put those words on the burst of blooming pink flowers as you can see at the top of this post. I thought I would post just that image. Then I realized I do not want to only share the full bloom of the flowers. I also want to share about my experience of having gone underground into the dirt before I could find my own joy beginning to bloom again.
I trust the process always. It only gets better from here.
Original photos used for above images below
P.S. I am truly blessed to have your comments. I have been feeling a tug for not being able to visit your work as consistently as I would like in these few days. I will catch up on all that I miss, genuinely my loss as I love indulging in all the beautiful works by my friends here. Much Love & Gratitude.
Sunrise & Sunsets are Magical Moments And the one at the ocean Is that liquid gold beauty That invokes Gratitude naturally
My heart is filled with the fluid gold of Gratitude. I returned from my travel, a trip to Hawaii islands that seemed like it wasn’t meant to happen and then it was exactly what was supposed to happen.
Just one week before my trip, I suffered from a ‘bad’ knee that had me unable to walk or move for 3 days. While the doctors might talk about ligaments and what not, I went into deep communication with my knee, asking my body what it needed from me.
I have been holding multiple other life journeys in my heart, making me unable to move forward. My knees were telling me to keep moving ahead, and not carry so much of the heavy load, it wasn’t mine to carry. I serve better by living the lightness and the joy available to me, so I know, yet my mind felt selfish as if having to leave life and people behind, if I were to break out of more personal barriers.
My knees were holding a lot – they were stuck with much pain, grief, anger, even traces of resentment that I wasn’t willing to look at. The only way out of anything is Through. I have been there, done that before – this time it was my ‘intelligent’ knee that made me pause, look, feel, and let go.
I equipped myself with the following affirmations that I repeated to myself during the 6 hour flight and my daily barefoot walks in the earthly sand for at least an hour.
I release any inflexibility & fear I have stored in my knees. I release any lack of ease I have stored in my knees. I release any shock & resistance I have stored in my knees. I release any anger & stubbornness I have stored in my knees. I release any irritation & stress I have stored in my knees. I release any excess responsibility & pressure I have stored in my knees. I release any conflict & spiritual turmoil I have stored in my knees. I joyfully release all that old stuff.
It is safe to surrender now. I feel safe and flexible moving forward now. I feel so supported and secure now. It is easy to forgive the past and go with the flow now. It is easy to stand up for myself now. My knees are strong, stable, healthy. I am perfectly aligned and embrace change easily. I move forward with confidence and joy.
With every breath I take I send love, gratitude and healing to my knees and every single cell in my body.
I practiced deep long breaths and spine lengthening postures every day to release any stress on the lower extremity joints.
I went to the airport limping and I came back from my trip absolutely pain free. We planned for this trip only 3 days in advance when I felt very certain that it was in perfect alignment for moving forward. My knee wanted me to move through the pain, and the pain kept receding each day as I consciously worked through what my body needed and spirit guided.
Each day, each moment is an unknown unimagined miracle into another – last 2 weeks were as exquisitely amazing as much as how arduous the work might feel to dive in to the depths of our inner and outer journeys, finding our way through it all.
The ocean has this magical ability to drink up all the tired unrelenting waves of my being and replenish with relentless, refreshed, playful, peaceful ones. My heart is filled with the fluid gold of Gratitude for all the abundance, joy, support and guidance available to me.
Much of life that I live today are seemingly craziest, weirdest thoughts that I kept repeating to myself to the point of absurdity even. So many regular simple moments now were a distant dream of the past. If I pay attention truly, each day is a celebration of some evolution and manifestation. It helps me trust and dream bold. Without the yearning to be anywhere different than where I am. And of course at times I get impatient with the next dream. Then I remind myself to look for places I am not paying attention. To find gratitude for prayers answered and desires fulfilled. I love the feeling when I find it, again and again. I love being in the moment, as if I am living a dream.
On a visit to a beach close by, early November 2020, I picked up a stick and asked the ocean to guide my hands to carve words as messages, to move forward into the days ahead. I kept my mind clear as I watched the words appear. The above image – ‘Trust’ was the first to appear. The next 2 were as below.
I then stood there silently and watched the waves wash over some words partially. The ocean surely washed away those messages after I was gone – they are now a part of me and part of the ocean. I continue to wish, dream and trust happily.
Wishing you my kind friends on WordPress and dear readers a very optimistic, fulfilling, enriching, peaceful, healing New Year 2021!
Note: I will get back to visiting your beautiful posts that I enjoy heartfully after Jan 4. I apologize for not being able to take time now and any delay in my responses if they happen.
The last thing I read at night was Dawn by Frank@BeachWalkReflections where he described dawn as a free magical moment that too many miss. I ended my day with an innocent question within – why do I miss most of the sunrise moments in this lifetime?
I was awakened the following morning at the crack of dawn with the eerie feeling that I have become accustomed to, as a cue to start typing because a poem or something like that needs to be given the way out. I hope you enjoy reading it below. Always infinitely grateful to have your thoughts on what takes up space here.
I was awake at dawn
I stayed in bed
Resting my head
Taking some deep breaths
I won't open the curtains
I want to curl up deep inside my own womb
I can feel my belly alive
The baby me held in her turmoil
I refuse to see the light
I need to nurture this one within first
I want to hold her, send her a full breath
One after the other
Soothing her, loving her
Making her feel safe
Letting her know I see her
I understand her
I want her to be nourished with my loving presence
I want to be in this dark cave
Until she gets what she needs
She is worth the wait
The curtains can be opened very late
She needs to feel her own beauty within
Before the light floods in
I was awake at dawn
Wondering if I should be out there
Witnessing the magical beginning of the day
Yet I could feel her tug
More a churning and a yearning
For that unconditional unattached hug
So I stayed in bed
Resting my head
Taking some deep breaths
I did wonder how long?
For an amazing beauty of the morning awaits
There is no hurry I decided
My womb had just now begun to melt
To become this assured part of me
The morning can continue to grow into the day
Just like the baby me is continuing to grow into my person
Someone else decided to open the curtain
I looked up out the window
The light was bright and yet quite mellow on me
Both baby me and I, just One, now could finally smile
Both received so much from each other
We are now a ball of tenderness and a fullness
Comfortable in one skin
Hopefully not as thin but still permeable
To all the love that we can receive from the light of the day
I pray we both stay merged enough
When we are awake at dawn of another day
To open the curtains and soak in the beauty
of what awaits us in a magical way
P.S.: I have found Frank’s Beach Walk Reflections very enjoyable and contemplative to read as he brings alive so many aspects of the beach, ocean, sand and everything associated. I hope you also visit his site.
There are often days or weeks together that I don’t step out of my home. When I do, I am gifted with the most incredible sights around. The Universe is simply so generous, so forgiving of my inattention and so readily showering me with these luxurious moments. These following glimpses, all within a mere 10 minute evening walk, 2 weeks ago. I indulge in the feeling until I venture out next …
I ventured out You dressed up
I looked up You blessed me
Earth You a Miracle Wonder Me One ungrateful imposter
Earth You as if exist for me Me Lived enough as if you don’t exist
Earth What would you want from me That is what I would like to be
I was drawn out of my way to peek in to this web of roots, branches and shadows on water. I felt as if I was pulled in towards the womb of the Earth. I had posted the original picture in this postlast month. The words describe the special experience of being there.
This glimpse simply made me feel blessed. The beautiful goose was peacefully strolling around ahead of me and as I reached this curve, I found it sheltering here with such ease and quiet. Reminding me of how we share this planet, how we belong to the same nature and can find such rest & respite if we would choose to.