Ablaze with Truth

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‘ABLAZE’  – Photo by Manish Doshi

 

It is a visceral feeling.
The emotion of anger.
It feels like an old one. It is so physical as if ablaze.
That block, the lead block right on the core of my heart, it is heavily burrowing down. Into the deep abyss of my being.
Get it offf now!

I am angry. I am angry about smiling through it all …all these years.
I am angry that I had such positivity. ..all these years.
I am angry I had so much love and the need for love in me that I overlooked and even enjoyed this same thing.
I am angry that I wasn’t angry the first time this happened.

I am speaking the truth regarding this for the first time.
The truth that I had no idea of. The truth that was buried deep down to fulfill my other needs.
That’s it.
It has been my choice all along. To smile through it. To keep finding what is right in it. To hold it in my pot of love.

Today it is me who has changed.
It is me who has become aware of my hidden truth.

I am actually ablaze with this revelation.
With no skill whatsoever to contain it and express it, it has come as anger.

It is still visceral …yet it has changed.
The blaze has softened. I have finally seen it and honored it for what it is.
The iron block on my heart, still there.
It is so much of grief and guilt over my unskilled expression of my truth.
My assumption that it is wrong to feel this anger. That it is wrong to feel this bad, about something I accepted as normal, all my life.

Awakening to my own truth and suddenly choosing it and living it, is a very raw experience.
As if a rebirth into another person.
Definitely an unexpected guest, often an unpleasant one, in the lives of those accustomed to my smiling through it.
I decide to accept my anger for what it is.
I give myself permission to feel the human emotion of anger.

It came as a visceral wave of awakening and it has passed.
I am left with this heavy brick on my heart
I pour love for myself. Hold myself with compassion.

It is amazing to physically feel the brick soften.
And now melt and diffuse.
I feel space. I feel a soft strength.
There is a freshness in the way of my being.
There is a quiet quiet space of being.
Soothing and healing and forgiving.
I will stay immersed in this silence today.

 

P.S. This post is a contribution to ForgivingFridays of dear blogger Debbie. My wish is of self healing and forgiving through the process of becoming aware of our own Truth.

This post was originally published at This Glorious Mess on Medium

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Choose Differently

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Photo Credit : Niranjana Shah

Don’t choose the difficult

Only to prove you Can choose the difficult

Choose what is Right even if it is difficult

Often it is the Simplest that is the most difficult

Gratitude Attitude

 

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Photo Credit: Vikram Phale

My gratitude is not my weakness
My softening at heart not my meekness

My gratitude was once my survival
My breaking down was emerge & arrival

My gratitude is now my treasure
My attitude by which I measure

My gratitude is actually my strength
My existence made magnificent at length

My gratitude propels my life velocity
My refuge it is to contain life’s intensity

My gratitude is not my neediness
My choice it is to stay connected with Oneness

 

P.S. Dear Debbie, please accept this Gratitude poem as a contribution to ForgivingFridays

Fly Solo!

Cattle Egret - taking off -   Ranganathittu - 1F8A5609.jpg

Cattle Egret – taking off -By Atanu Chakraborty

When a bird let’s go off the perch …
Does the bird look around for relatives?
Comrades of same feathers to accompany
Does it seek, during flight, some life perspectives?
From a higher vantage point, some harmony

When a bird let’s go off the perch …
Does the bird itself taking flight
Become a perspective?
For those looking up to it

When a bird let’s go off the perch …
It finds the ability to fly above it all
Any kind of wrongness or rightness
Leaving all hesitation behind
Its flight is all lightness
The joy and strength in its wings
A sense of freedom it rings

The ability to fly off the perch in itself
Is a maturity in perspectives
It is the ability to simply Be
Your potential and your joy and your ease

What helps you fly in the first place
Is your letting go in space
Of all that you hold on to
Sometimes it is the need for control
Sometimes the lack of trust
To let go and follow your soul

Truth

To sustain on truth alone
Is the strength of the ones lone

When some innate trust is broken
Ground underneath as if is shaken
They become unafraid to be on their own

With courage once won the morbid
They learn not to depend on anything extrinsic
To be able to feel rock solid

The sweetness of life becomes known
When other such aware souls
Come their way to support and as if to affirm

Surrender to the joy of your truth lone
Never then is there a moment of feeling alone.

 

Step into the New …You

It is too long that you stayed in that shell …to keep others comfortable.

There are some around you who have always loved you, with whom you are amazing and it is easy. You feel safe being yourself. Then why walk on eggshells in the rest of the world? Why numb and dumb down the goodness and brightness in you ? Sometimes to the point that you come across as the most ungracious or insensitive person?

Nobody realizes that you are trying to be just the opposite, or simply trying to fit in. You value them too much …more than yourself! They are getting used to that …your misery even. And you are getting comfortable with that. In your mind you are being nice to them …stop …just stop!

They are taking your appreciation and praise, for everything about them, as your weakness, or worse jealousy. When you soar higher than what they perceive you to be (and you are still nowhere in your perception) …what will you take their unappreciation of your journey as? How will you look at their lack of acknowledging of your existence?

Look at those who really ‘see’ you. You seem to do everything right towards them.

Break the shell, crack open …Do what it takes! It’s worth it! They will find others who feed their comfort. Yes, give them the shock …stop hurting so much!

They will have to step up, to be able to understand you and cheer you in your growth. They will have to know the pain you pay as your dues. The grace you are showing as you choose to crack open and take flight.

You in your truthfulness will mourn your perceived loss of some of them, because you truly cared about them. That’s why you kept them comfortable while you suffered being trapped in an unwholesome reality.

Yes, I know you also have done some things wrong to some. Those too will reach out to you or you to them, in your growth. Just that you are not accountable to all of them this very minute, so don’t judge yourself so hard.

Go ahead take that step, a small change, break open, fly. The ones ready for growth will grow with you, or even break some towards their own growth. Some will fall away, as you both cannot see eye to eye now.

Forgive yourself, forgive them, love yourself, love them, allow yourself to Be, allow them to Be. Trust me, trust me, trust me it’s worth it. When you feel stuck and choose to wiggle out, it hurts, it’s worth it.

The ones who care for you and the ones you care for, will have to accept you as you are today. Let them know you want ONE with them, you are one of them. But be stronger on your own path. Some of them Never let go!!

Break out of anything you are keeping yourself in …one step at a time!

A true Relation

The richness of togetherness
Often is in the casualness
And the assuredness
In the seperateness

There is not much of day-to-day missing
More of the genuine caring and sharing
Relation sometimes easily taken granted
But never in the least slanted
Utmost trust and respect
Not a you-versus-me prospect

The differences are the strength
Work em out or let them be
The samenesses are the faith
On which you operate as WE

There is no as such fairy tale
There’s some laughs and some wail
It’s just how you help fly and sail
Look at the other soar with pride
While keeping pride itself aside

Each is a person evolving sole
Infinite being exclusively
It takes the finest of soul
To watch you on your own be whole
Yet be a partner unconditionally

Do I need an occasion or apprehension
To celebrate this true relation?
The heart spoke to me auspicious today
With such feeling and emotion …