Ablaze with Truth

IMG_2118

‘ABLAZE’  – Photo by Manish Doshi

 

It is a visceral feeling.
The emotion of anger.
It feels like an old one. It is so physical as if ablaze.
That block, the lead block right on the core of my heart, it is heavily burrowing down. Into the deep abyss of my being.
Get it offf now!

I am angry. I am angry about smiling through it all …all these years.
I am angry that I had such positivity. ..all these years.
I am angry I had so much love and the need for love in me that I overlooked and even enjoyed this same thing.
I am angry that I wasn’t angry the first time this happened.

I am speaking the truth regarding this for the first time.
The truth that I had no idea of. The truth that was buried deep down to fulfill my other needs.
That’s it.
It has been my choice all along. To smile through it. To keep finding what is right in it. To hold it in my pot of love.

Today it is me who has changed.
It is me who has become aware of my hidden truth.

I am actually ablaze with this revelation.
With no skill whatsoever to contain it and express it, it has come as anger.

It is still visceral …yet it has changed.
The blaze has softened. I have finally seen it and honored it for what it is.
The iron block on my heart, still there.
It is so much of grief and guilt over my unskilled expression of my truth.
My assumption that it is wrong to feel this anger. That it is wrong to feel this bad, about something I accepted as normal, all my life.

Awakening to my own truth and suddenly choosing it and living it, is a very raw experience.
As if a rebirth into another person.
Definitely an unexpected guest, often an unpleasant one, in the lives of those accustomed to my smiling through it.
I decide to accept my anger for what it is.
I give myself permission to feel the human emotion of anger.

It came as a visceral wave of awakening and it has passed.
I am left with this heavy brick on my heart
I pour love for myself. Hold myself with compassion.

It is amazing to physically feel the brick soften.
And now melt and diffuse.
I feel space. I feel a soft strength.
There is a freshness in the way of my being.
There is a quiet quiet space of being.
Soothing and healing and forgiving.
I will stay immersed in this silence today.

 

P.S. This post is a contribution to ForgivingFridays of dear blogger Debbie. My wish is of self healing and forgiving through the process of becoming aware of our own Truth.

This post was originally published at This Glorious Mess on Medium

Advertisements

Yes I am foolish that way

IMG_2105

 

Yes I am foolish that way
I won’t sacrifice my simple joys every day
In an attempt of a future image to portray
I have none in my mind anyway

Yes I am foolish that way
My views can be most impracticable
I often go through the day sans any label

Yes I am foolish that way
When sometimes I get anxious or frustrated
Fact that we die any way has me comforted

Yes I am foolish that way
If you stand with me in competition
I will first give away what you need in compassion

Yes I am foolish that way
I value my every day true joy
Over something that is a futurely toy

Brilliance that only seems wasted!

IMG-20170721-WA0003

Brilliant Sky – by Vikram Phale

There’s some of us who have been told by our well-meaning friends that our brilliance has been wasted and our skills unused …as measured by academic standards and career achievements. And what a boost it is for us to know, how brilliant we are, and how amazing we would do in some ‘prestigious’ field! IF ONLY WE HAD THE OPPORTUNITY … but NO! We are merely living by with what came our way trying to make peace with it, trying to find our way through our own brilliance…

Which field of study are you choosing for higher studies?
How many degrees & from which reputable institutes do you have?
What abbreviations tag behind your name?
How big have you made it in your job? …the list keeps going as the potential never ends really, does it?

We have been taking in everyone else’s idea of what it means to be visible in the world in terms of our brilliance.

We live with these definitions in our minds and live really hurtfully with ourselves as nothing we do is really good enough …as we haven’t made it big in the world with these definitions hanging over us. The reasons keep coming …right things just always slip away from me, the most perfect things never seem to come to me, I got married too early, it’s too late I haven’t found my perfect partner yet and my career headed nowhere, my parents didn’t support/care enough, if only this and if only that …down the rabbit hole of judgment, resentment and rejection …of self, others, events, situations, life itself. Leading to more of the same!!

But Wait!! Wake up!! We have been giving in to a very limited definition of brilliance! We have listened to people in very limited number of settings – our school, workplace, friends, acquaintances – all operating from their outlook on reality. When did we make all that our own?

We actually keep missing out on so many simple ways of doing and being our best …just because we aren’t there where we are told we could have been.

By now I have met too many people with multiple degrees, multiple pursuits of achievement, all bringing out their utmost level of skill and brilliance. All that is valid, commendable …and never enough! I now measure my brilliance on my own terms in my own reality. As undefined by someone else’s understanding of it. Over the years my brilliance is shown in how truly happy I am with myself. How simple choices on an everyday basis bring me joy and the fact that I feel I have a choice on an everyday basis to create my reality.

We waste our brilliance when we try to build up castles of that perfect life in air as defined by others. We waste our power when it shows up as anger towards who we think is responsible for our so called failures.

That anger is the energy of our potentials coming up to point us to who we really are …part of Creation capable of creating our own reality. Our brilliance is in how we make a complete turnaround from the version of a limited possibility and reality. How we open up to an infinite way of being …coming back to being our brilliant selves on an everyday basis. There is no question of being someplace else, some particular designation or position to know your brilliance.

Our primary job is to be Happy! Moment to moment, thought to thought …flow through it only to find joy.

This can become the most difficult thing to achieve in life. The potential of the intellect seems easier to hold on to then. The idea of choosing only out of joy and happiness puts us right in the path of so many emotions waiting to be resolved within us. No amount of blame game helps. You are compelled to sit back with yourself …really have to get used to this. It can get so very sticky that we need an insane resolve and trust, in our ability to create exactly the reality that would bring joy to our being. The result is always the most rewarding and thrilling, as you have now used your own skill to define your own brilliance …as you tread through relations to extract only the best and the true out of them, through situations to extract only what serves you and gives you joy.

Seriously, how many of those then, who question the status of our brilliance in life, are sleeping that well at night? Striving for harmony and peace in your being on a day to day basis – even while in some shaky times – that’s brilliance! Look closely well-wishers, it is not complacent acceptance. We are treading slowly and joyfully through what unfolds, yet also looking to claim the territory of brilliance that is more visible in your reality …you see we are grateful for you, for keeping our spark alive in that goal, in still wanting and dreaming to make our mark in any area of our choice …with ease and joy, is what we insist now!

On Acceptance

Accept EVERYthing wholly.

Only in the present moment.

Never Ever Forever.

Then

CHANGE IT!

P.S. Happy Yoga Day! May this day inspire moments of awareness for you.

Tall & Small

The following wise words come from my 10 year old son 🙂  It shows his innocent reflection on his journey of acceptance about being the shortest around, for his age.

You are tall because
You can reach very high places
You are small because
That’s just how you are

You are tall because
You can reach your dreams
You are small because
That’s just how you are

You are tall since
You look very strong
You are small since
That’s just how you are

You are tall because
That’s how it feels
You are short since
That’s just how you are!

By SANVED DOSHI

 

 

Brilliance that only seems wasted!

There’s some of us who have been told by our well-meaning friends that our brilliance has been wasted and our skills unused …as measured by academic standards and career achievements. And what a boost it is for us to know, how brilliant we are, and how amazing we would do in some ‘prestigious’ field! IF ONLY WE HAD THE OPPORTUNITY … but NO! We are merely living by with what came our way trying to make peace with it, trying to find our way through our own brilliance…

Which field of study are you choosing for higher studies?
How many degrees & from which reputable institutes do you have?
What abbreviations tag behind your name?
How big have you made it in your job? …the list keeps going as the potential never ends really, does it?

We have been taking in everyone else’s idea of what it means to be visible in the world in terms of our brilliance.

We live with these definitions in our minds and live really hurtfully with ourselves as nothing we do is really good enough …as we haven’t made it big in the world with these definitions hanging over us. The reasons keep coming …right things just always slip away from me, the most perfect things never seem to come to me, I got married too early, it’s too late I haven’t found my perfect partner yet and my career headed nowhere, my parents didn’t support/care enough, if only this and if only that …down the rabbit hole of judgment, resentment and rejection …of self, others, events, situations, life itself. Leading to more of the same!!

But Wait!! Wake up!! We have been giving in to a very limited definition of brilliance! We have listened to people in very limited number of settings – our school, workplace, friends, acquaintances – all operating from their outlook on reality. When did we make all that our own?

We actually keep missing out on so many simple ways of doing and being our best …just because we aren’t there where we are told we could have been.

By now I have met too many people with multiple degrees, multiple pursuits of achievement, all bringing out their utmost level of skill and brilliance. All that is valid, commendable …and never enough! I now measure my brilliance on my own terms in my own reality. As undefined by someone else’s understanding of it. Over the years my brilliance is shown in how truly happy I am with myself. How simple choices on an everyday basis bring me joy and the fact that I feel I have a choice on an everyday basis to create my reality.

We waste our brilliance when we try to build up castles of that perfect life in air as defined by others. We waste our power when it shows up as anger towards who we think is responsible for our so called failures. That anger is the energy of our potentials coming up to point us to who we really are …part of Creation capable of creating our own reality. Our brilliance is in how we make a complete turnaround from the version of a limited possibility and reality. How we open up to an infinite way of being …coming back to being our brilliant selves on an everyday basis. There is no question of being someplace else, some particular designation or position to know your brilliance.

Our primary job is to be Happy! Moment to moment, thought to thought …flow through it only to find joy.

This can become the most difficult thing to achieve in life. The potential of the intellect seems easier to hold on to then. The idea of choosing only out of joy and happiness puts us right in the path of so many emotions waiting to be resolved within us. No amount of blame game helps. You are compelled to sit back with yourself …really have to get used to this. It can get so very sticky that we need an insane resolve and trust, in our ability to create exactly the reality that would bring joy to our being. The result is always the most rewarding and thrilling, as you have now used your own skill to define your own brilliance …as you tread through relations to extract only the best and the true out of them, through situations to extract only what serves you and gives you joy.

Seriously, how many of those then, who question the status of our brilliance in life, are sleeping that well at night? Striving for harmony and peace in your being on a day to day basis – even while in some shaky times – that’s brilliance! Look closely well-wishers, it is not complacent acceptance. We are treading slowly and joyfully through what unfolds, yet also looking to claim the territory of brilliance that is more visible in your reality …you see we are grateful for you, for keeping our spark alive in that goal, in still wanting and dreaming to make our mark in any area of our choice …with ease and joy, is what we insist now!