Awakening

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Photo Credit: Manish Doshi 

Yes Dreams Come True
The Waking Ones often Do

Fears too Come True
The Sleeping Ones often Do

Each can be stifling to the other
Awakening within, the creator

 

This post is a contribution to ForgivingFridays on ForgivingConnect, for awakening is a process that happens where there is acceptance in our hearts.

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Writing – a Journey of my Life

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Photo Credit : Manish Doshi

I have returned from my break absolutely inspired and pregnant with messages from the ocean and the sky. I am very eager to share them with you all, yet I am feeling uninspired to go through the process of making it into a post immediately. As if I want to steep in the experience a bit more and have the juices of the interaction with the ocean flow through my veins as if all mine. The message to become part of my Being. I can’t wait to get past this stage, pick it up from where I left off in my last post, before this deliciousness set in. I am giving myself permission to indulge in this space for a bit more.

I do want to have this following conversation with You.

How I became a writer is sort of an astonishing accident to me. I remember where I was and exactly the moment some words came to me and I was ‘forced’ to have those words typed. What came as completed looked like a poem to me. I was thrilled and absolutely scared at the same time. And more came and one more came. I was terrified. I sent them one by one to trusted friends, asked them if the words meant anything to them. I was so accustomed to living the surface level life (read turmoil) that this expression from the depth of my being felt alien to me.

It took me tremendous courage to begin sharing them publicly, as if baring my soul naked to be judged or accepted. I needed the kind approval from a trusted friend and sometimes my husband to hold my hand while I hit publish with the other. My heart raced a thousand miles an hour before the first like, the first kind comment came in, as a seal of approval for my eligibility to continue being whatever I was in this world of existence.

After each poem I often thought surely it was the last one, and looking around I always wondered where is this coming from? I just became insanely uncomfortable at times as if choking on words or tears and then it just became necessary to type all that needed to come. Often I typed words I did not know, looked up its meaning to find out it meant exactly what I needed it to mean and rhyme in the poem. Sometimes I made up words not in the dictionary, and they conveyed the right meaning. As some generous reflections and appreciation came as responses, I was utterly grateful as I was sure every time it was my last poem. The authentic exchange of perspectives and heartfelt interactions helped me thrive, grow, flourish and nourish my being.  In less than 6 months on WordPress I was amazed beyond measure at how a genuine word, true expression and pure intent becomes evident through words alone.

It got unstoppable. The poems, the prose, all came as these intense surges just wanting a place to land. I made a commitment to keep reading other writers because of what gift it was when they read me. Each one putting their attention and time on my work had my deepest gratitude that I earnestly conveyed through truthful response to their comments. I was able to post way less than I was writing personally. Drafts and drafts of different inspirations and topics that begged to be expressed have piled up to be published in some form or the other.

For almost 3 years now I have published 2 or 3 times a week, except about 3 breaks of a week to 3 weeks. Every single day reading other writers on different platforms and interacting through comments. The numeric growth of my blog followers and readers has been very slow compared to some others but my personal growth has been enormously satisfactory.

Until some months ago, I did not have mind space for adding pictures to my posts.  Slowly it started dawning on me that there were pictures taken by my photographer friends and those by my husband that spoke the words I wrote. None are ever clicked with a plan to go with my post. It is meditative and miraculous to me in how perfectly they choose to come together.

The emotional intensity from which my poems came have found a balance, my personality has changed quite a bit. I opened up to new strengths in my being. I have owned myself as a writer by now. I am going through a huge personal shift. I still have countless drafts and some unpublished poems and ideas for creating quote images. I feel immersed in this space of inspiration where I am soaking in some new energies and do not seem to have the mind space, energy and time to publish all that I know is waiting to be published. If you recognize this and have any advice for me, I am all ears. And if my sharing has helped you in any way then it is my privilege to be a channel that serves a purpose.

None of this was possible for me without You my friend. You know what you have done for me by being here for me and reading my words and responding. My utmost gratitude for that and our continued interactions and conversations.

 

Related posts :
Just how did the writer in me get born? – I realized that this poem had come through me exactly an year ago and today I have felt this strong urge to post on similar topic.
Top writer in Inspiration – prose

I can Be This & You can Be That

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Photo Credit: Manish Doshi “The Labyrinth”

If I can be this and here
Whatever and wherever you see me
You too can be that and there
Whatever and wherever you want to be

Just ask those who had met me
Before I simply started living and being me
You will know how small and low I lived
Before I let go of the fear of not fitting in

They will tell you how hard it is to believe
Who is this and what really happened
To the one who did not have a clue
To the one, either too dumb or too loud

I only wish to keep being this and here
Centered in this labyrinthine life of desire
Immersed in what feels like flawless space
Living as the energy that happens to have a face

Evidence that you can be this and that and there
Whatever and wherever you want to be …

Related Post : Step into the New …You

Yoga – My Life & Work

This is a contribution to ForgivingFridays of ForgivingConnect, a work of acceptance, awareness and transformation by Debbie Roth.

Feel Shine Melt Love

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Photo Credit: Virag Doshi

Feeling invisible
I seek longingly

To become visible
I burn seethingly

Find that the burning
Shines bright my yearning

You drop a glance at me
Then take it away so quickly

In that moment I know
And you know what we see

Now I want to keep burning
All that feels invisible in my feeling

Each time you look away
I will keep burning away

Until I shine so bright
You can’t evade my light

The heat of this resolve
Melts away my fury

As I come to know newly
There is no you or I

What’s burning away is my own lie
What you are is the divine eye

None but that part of me
That I am not willing to see

Rather than simply and magnificently Be
Keeps hiding behind the cloak of invisibility

And the fear of dying unseen
Or is it the fear of living and being seen

Oh dear me the heart keeps beating
Be kind with your breathing

All is good about the burning
All is beautiful about the feeling

Oh dear me there is no you no me
All there is, is to love me, so I love me

 

This post is a contribution to Debbie Roth’s ForgivingFridays of ForgivingConnects. This poem comes back to me very loudly, to help me accept where I am today without judgment and fan my intentions for moving forward from where I am.

Originally published on Jan 23, 2017

True Smile

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“True Joys” Photo: Manish Doshi ‘Lone Kayak on Kauai”

The numbness that we wear, in order to always smile

Choosing not to feel the pain, with that practiced smile

It is liberating to experience all there is, and not smile

For the true joys of life do not necessitate that we smile

One that comes from the heart and eyes is a true smile

 

 

P.S. This is a contribution to ForgivingFridays on ForgivingConnects, a blog by dear Debbie Roth, that is a wonderful work in support of acceptance, self-forgiveness, and self- love.

What if poetry never comes through me again?

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Photo Credit: Manish Doshi “Silent Question Answered”

It is as if recess time
A much needed respite
From my soul unrelentingly crying

It is as if an unknown strength
A much needed insight
From my heart soothingly sighing

It is as if I am not up for any play
A much needed friend divine
From times eternal shows up on my way

It is as if I am unshakably yet softly still
A much needed deep breath
From the juice of life helps me feel

It is as if I am looking for something
A much needed sense of contentment
From the clarified mind shows I have everything

It is as if I feel whole yet miss something
A much needed inspired poetry
From the churning of emotions, I reminisce

It is as if I fear words might never now rhyme
A much needed equilibrium achieved
From the turmoils of expectant time

It is as if I forage for disappointment
A much needed depth of mind diving
From the surface of a world striving

It is as if I need some intense emotion
A much needed transport vehicle
From the randomness to the magical

It is as if now I get it
A much needed realization
From the wanting to churn a poetry
To just Being with no drama of emotion

So what if never again my words rhyme
I am willing to be reborn that way
To just watch what else happens in this lifetime

 

P.S. This poem is a contribution to ForgivingFridays of ForgivingConnects. This blog by Debbie Roth has truly helped me find forgiveness for any judgment I hold towards myself, every single time I read her heartfelt posts.

Of Faith & Fear

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“Faith feels expansive & brings gifts magical” Photo Credit : Vikram Phale

Faith in something
That you are in doubt ruminating
Feels to me more like fear
If it never helps your mind go clear

Faith in something merely habitual
That comes more from a need to control
Feels to me like fear and a certain limitation
If it does not bring any relief or evolution

Faith in another human
That becomes how you are dependent
Feels to me another escape of fear
If it doesn’t show you your path clear

Faith that is instilled when juvenile
That often makes authentic choice seem criminal
Feels to me a crop of anxiety fertile
If you sense different, as if your life is futile

Faith is something incredible
That makes your choice seem inevitable
Feels to you more like most logical
If it even is something that seems impossible

Faith in something beyond thinking
That is beyond ideas of exact executing
Feels to me beyond need of explanation
If at work, no fear or anxiety in question

Faith flows as if a knowing of reality
That comes of the Self, not of your owning
Feels always assured, never unsteady
If you find it, no place for fear or anxiety

 

P.S. Someone sent me a question “What is my fear or anxiety trying to tell me?” I asked myself ” What is the opposite of fear?” “Faith” came the answer to my mind. This poem came in response to her question. If I am lucky I might come to know if I answered her question. I am eager to know all comments and interpretations, or more questions on this.