A Young Dilemma

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Thinking Man – by Vikram Phale

 

The Dilemma of Spirituality at younger ages and stages …

What is it that is in store for me?
This is a unsettling mystery to me

Why is that every person that I meet
Is just a passing lesson to me?

Is it possible to have a ‘normal’ life
And yet pursue the enlightened one?

And what would this possibility mean
For those who depend on me?

I wish they don’t suffer
Because of my confusion
Of what life is to me

If left on my own
I would live the path of a Seeker

For now I tend to forage
The source of truth, in the most mundane manner

There is fear though of getting lost
Or losing the ones loved most

Oh is there a possibility to cross this bridge
With one rope in each hand?
And not this heart-wrenching tug of war
In the relentless strive to somewhere reach?

This poem was first published on The Glorious Mess on Medium.
Thank you TrE of A cornered gurl for your kind support on this publication.

Feel Shine Melt Love

Feeling invisible
I seek longingly

To become visible
I burn seethingly

Find that the burning
Shines bright my yearning

You drop a glance at me
Then take it away so quickly

In that moment I know
And you know what we see

Now I want to keep burning
All that feels invisible in my feeling

Each time you look away
I will keep burning away

Until I shine so bright
You can’t evade my light

The heat of this resolve
Melts away my fury

As I come to know newly
There is no you or I

What’s burning away is my own lie
What you are is the divine eye

None but that part of me
That I am not willing to see

Rather than simply and magnificently Be
Keeps hiding behind the cloak of invisibility

And the fear of dying unseen
Or is it the fear of living and being seen

Oh dear me the heart keeps beating
Be kind with your breathing

All is good about the burning
All is beautiful about the feeling

Oh dear me there is no you no me
All there is, is to love me, so I love me

Just Be!

Stuck unstuck
Unstuck stuck

Sticky unsticky
Unsticky sticky

Noisy thoughts
Unkind lots

Mindless plots
Twisted knots

Head heavy
Hollow Belly

Fear unfear
Unfear the fear

Brain achy
Mind shady

Tears for miles
Rarity of smiles

Inner knowing
Adamant feeling

Comfortable misery
Uncomfortable sapience-y

Relaxed well-being
Continually fleeting

Joy a choice
Call to rise

Nature walks
Hearty talks

Bellyful inhale
Empty the exhale

Shimmer of lightness
Pour more kindness

Soothe and stay
Come what may

Pause feel strong
There’s no wrong

Purposeful activity
Unremorseful levity

Just Be somehow
There’s just Now

Be the space
A self embrace!

Truthfulness, kindness & the dumbness of it all!

There’s some of us who have conditioned ourselves to the habit of truthfulness and kindness. I am talking about the kind of truthfulness that is hardcore and from the heart. The kind that doesn’t succumb to some of the pretentiousness of society. The kind that is very boldly but good-heartedly ready to sacrifice the niceties required to sustain a liaison for certain benefits.

It’s either my truth and your truth agree with each other or you are free to find someone else that works for you and I can move on too. It’s not how some of the world works though. A lot of times it is about having personal agendas that are secretive and communications are everything but that. The idea is to get the idea of what could be extracted of another person. Nothing wrong with it for some of us …if you are upfront about what it is that you want. So either we have it or not. So we either contribute to each other or we move on …or just enjoy that coffee and pure company of another being.

Oh I know I sound very very dumb to some of you. And you know what? I have showed a lot of dumbness in my life by simply opening my mouth 🙂   In my early young years I had not learned good discrimination in my communication and simply chose to speak the truth as it felt to me.

Example: 1. An aquaintance of my father offered to tutor me in advanced Math. And my father agreed. So I went there weekly. There were quite a few times when I was sitting there while he ‘figured’ out how to solve a problem. He visited our home again to ask my father (seriously!) why I wasn’t there anymore. I was right there to answer …my truth …”well, he wasn’t able to solve a lot of the problems so I stopped!”

Ya right! See with the truth you don’t have to think twice about what you are saying…truthful kindness took a long time to learn …

Example 2: I was at a park with my son. Met another enthusiastic mom of twins. While chitchatting she found out I rent at a nearby apartment community. Her eyes widened with pride pointing in the direction of a beautiful home she owned. It’s perfect I said! She went on how they managed to get everything perfect …now I know …looking into my eyes, if she had managed to invoke enough envy! She was soon to find out how Dumb I was! Because I went on to say how happy I was that she has this beautiful home. She really deserved it with the twins and a full time job, how would she manage  without the space she has in her home. I am so happy for you! DUMB IDEA! She moved on to other people this time wide-eyed with shock, didn’t acknowledge or recognize me the next time we bumped into each other. I didn’t have what she was looking for …

I have been through all stages of trying to fit in and being all that is expected in society. And now I am back full circle! I have developed a low tolerance for the mind games and guessing games that go into the ego-boosting, you-pat-my-back and I will do the same to you- kind of relations. It takes too much energy and work to sustain them. And then there is always fear and chance that such relations fizzle out. Really high maintenance costs!

I have more fun when I am in this crystal clear space that works for me, from where I can contribute to others. From where I can ask of others what I need from them. Either we have it for each other or we don’t. I will smell it if you merely dangle a carrot in front of me. If you try to play a game with me, without being truthful to me, you will have to step up really high, and I will have good fun with you! If you are truthful to me and I have something for you, I will do everything for you to the point that I appear dumb to you …haha!

Life is beautiful really! Let’s make it so for each other. Let us be mirrors to each other that reflect back our highest goodness and truth. Let us be that crystal clear space where we allow one heart to speak to another without fear or judgment. Kindness should not have a tag really, other than the goodness of it. Trust is an absolute treasure to have in any interaction. Kindness and truthfulness taken for granted as dumbness to be milked, is sadness to the fullest. I have been on both ends of this so no judgment about that too, all is fair if we keep learning and growing from where we are.

While functioning in the world, I am becoming aware of the layers of truthfulness that we can access. Pretense is definitely not one of them. Express yourself fully with what feels very comfortable to you and to the extent that is required of the moment. Be kind, vulnerable, strong, truthful …see where the pieces fall …if needed, pick them up and move on. You are all you got and you are everything you got …dumbness and all! I love my life and the people in them!

 

 

 

 

The Silent Warrior

I have it in me to win this game
I know very well patience is its name
Never quit never give up
I got this, this is my cup

This attitude keeps my spirits up
Gives me power gives me passion
Intoxicates me with strength and also its illusion
I will fight this because I got it down in my pride
I have got my will by my side

Equipped myself with all the defenses
Earned on the way all the praises
Gratitude and Kindness became my allies
Exchanging both with others made miracles arise

There’s always this fear though that lingers
If I can sustain the anchors
At times really breaks me down
And the best that we have as Seekers

One more ally called Surrender
Would make it all very easier
What would it be like to let go
To be able to join the universal flow

Challenges me to do so
The ‘I’ is not easy to let go
Have to admit it sounds a relief
To have to do no more
To just be the Being at the core

The strength and the passion is not felt as a surge
Universe becomes the fuel that with which you merge
Willpower gets to rest
Freedom at its best

Passion is more like this silent power
Strength like this inert confidence
Faith is more like this inner knowing
I am now at peace and also still the same warrior!

Unfolding our Passion

Unfolding our passion
Beyond the purpose
Of being visible
To those few who know us

Once this feels sensible
And seems possible
Opens up avenues
To step out of our comfort zone
To finally start to let loose
Inhibitions and limitations
The need for approval & gratification

Allowing expression
For the pure joy of it
Breaking open
From the fear of it

Your passion now brings you home
To yourself and your Being
Exploring the truths of You
Embracing all that is true to You
Doesn’t matter now who sees you
As long as you see You!

Whilst you learn to walk
And accidentally hit the wall
Do you go back to forever crawl?
What makes you then your passion stall?

Laugh it off, start over
Cry it off, start over
Accept help, start over
Demand help, start over
Love yourself, start over
Refresh and focus, start over

Keep chipping away at it
Even if only bit by bit
Extracting the nectar drop by drop
Find a smile if again you stop

Let yourself unfold your passion
Beyond the purpose
Of being visible
To those few who know you!