True Smile

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“True Joys” Photo: Manish Doshi ‘Lone Kayak on Kauai”

The numbness that we wear, in order to always smile

Choosing not to feel the pain, with that practiced smile

It is liberating to experience all there is, and not smile

For the true joys of life do not necessitate that we smile

One that comes from the heart and eyes is a true smile

 

 

P.S. This is a contribution to ForgivingFridays on ForgivingConnects, a blog by dear Debbie Roth, that is a wonderful work in support of acceptance, self-forgiveness, and self- love.

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What if poetry never comes through me again?

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Photo Credit: Manish Doshi “Silent Question Answered”

It is as if recess time
A much needed respite
From my soul unrelentingly crying

It is as if an unknown strength
A much needed insight
From my heart soothingly sighing

It is as if I am not up for any play
A much needed friend divine
From times eternal shows up on my way

It is as if I am unshakably yet softly still
A much needed deep breath
From the juice of life helps me feel

It is as if I am looking for something
A much needed sense of contentment
From the clarified mind shows I have everything

It is as if I feel whole yet miss something
A much needed inspired poetry
From the churning of emotions, I reminisce

It is as if I fear words might never now rhyme
A much needed equilibrium achieved
From the turmoils of expectant time

It is as if I forage for disappointment
A much needed depth of mind diving
From the surface of a world striving

It is as if I need some intense emotion
A much needed transport vehicle
From the randomness to the magical

It is as if now I get it
A much needed realization
From the wanting to churn a poetry
To just Being with no drama of emotion

So what if never again my words rhyme
I am willing to be reborn that way
To just watch what else happens in this lifetime

 

P.S. This poem is a contribution to ForgivingFridays of ForgivingConnects. This blog by Debbie Roth has truly helped me find forgiveness for any judgment I hold towards myself, every single time I read her heartfelt posts.

Of Faith & Fear

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“Faith feels expansive & brings gifts magical” Photo Credit : Vikram Phale

Faith in something
That you are in doubt ruminating
Feels to me more like fear
If it never helps your mind go clear

Faith in something merely habitual
That comes more from a need to control
Feels to me like fear and a certain limitation
If it does not bring any relief or evolution

Faith in another human
That becomes how you are dependent
Feels to me another escape of fear
If it doesn’t show you your path clear

Faith that is instilled when juvenile
That often makes authentic choice seem criminal
Feels to me a crop of anxiety fertile
If you sense different, as if your life is futile

Faith is something incredible
That makes your choice seem inevitable
Feels to you more like most logical
If it even is something that seems impossible

Faith in something beyond thinking
That is beyond ideas of exact executing
Feels to me beyond need of explanation
If at work, no fear or anxiety in question

Faith flows as if a knowing of reality
That comes of the Self, not of your owning
Feels always assured, never unsteady
If you find it, no place for fear or anxiety

 

P.S. Someone sent me a question “What is my fear or anxiety trying to tell me?” I asked myself ” What is the opposite of fear?” “Faith” came the answer to my mind. This poem came in response to her question. If I am lucky I might come to know if I answered her question. I am eager to know all comments and interpretations, or more questions on this.

A Young Dilemma

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Thinking Man – by Vikram Phale

 

The Dilemma of Spirituality at younger ages and stages …

What is it that is in store for me?
This is a unsettling mystery to me

Why is that every person that I meet
Is just a passing lesson to me?

Is it possible to have a ‘normal’ life
And yet pursue the enlightened one?

And what would this possibility mean
For those who depend on me?

I wish they don’t suffer
Because of my confusion
Of what life is to me

If left on my own
I would live the path of a Seeker

For now I tend to forage
The source of truth, in the most mundane manner

There is fear though of getting lost
Or losing the ones loved most

Oh is there a possibility to cross this bridge
With one rope in each hand?
And not this heart-wrenching tug of war
In the relentless strive to somewhere reach?

This poem was first published on The Glorious Mess on Medium.
Thank you TrE of A cornered gurl for your kind support on this publication.

Feel Shine Melt Love

Feeling invisible
I seek longingly

To become visible
I burn seethingly

Find that the burning
Shines bright my yearning

You drop a glance at me
Then take it away so quickly

In that moment I know
And you know what we see

Now I want to keep burning
All that feels invisible in my feeling

Each time you look away
I will keep burning away

Until I shine so bright
You can’t evade my light

The heat of this resolve
Melts away my fury

As I come to know newly
There is no you or I

What’s burning away is my own lie
What you are is the divine eye

None but that part of me
That I am not willing to see

Rather than simply and magnificently Be
Keeps hiding behind the cloak of invisibility

And the fear of dying unseen
Or is it the fear of living and being seen

Oh dear me the heart keeps beating
Be kind with your breathing

All is good about the burning
All is beautiful about the feeling

Oh dear me there is no you no me
All there is, is to love me, so I love me

Just Be!

Stuck unstuck
Unstuck stuck

Sticky unsticky
Unsticky sticky

Noisy thoughts
Unkind lots

Mindless plots
Twisted knots

Head heavy
Hollow Belly

Fear unfear
Unfear the fear

Brain achy
Mind shady

Tears for miles
Rarity of smiles

Inner knowing
Adamant feeling

Comfortable misery
Uncomfortable sapience-y

Relaxed well-being
Continually fleeting

Joy a choice
Call to rise

Nature walks
Hearty talks

Bellyful inhale
Empty the exhale

Shimmer of lightness
Pour more kindness

Soothe and stay
Come what may

Pause feel strong
There’s no wrong

Purposeful activity
Unremorseful levity

Just Be somehow
There’s just Now

Be the space
A self embrace!

Truthfulness, kindness & the dumbness of it all!

There’s some of us who have conditioned ourselves to the habit of truthfulness and kindness. I am talking about the kind of truthfulness that is hardcore and from the heart. The kind that doesn’t succumb to some of the pretentiousness of society. The kind that is very boldly but good-heartedly ready to sacrifice the niceties required to sustain a liaison for certain benefits.

It’s either my truth and your truth agree with each other or you are free to find someone else that works for you and I can move on too. It’s not how some of the world works though. A lot of times it is about having personal agendas that are secretive and communications are everything but that. The idea is to get the idea of what could be extracted of another person. Nothing wrong with it for some of us …if you are upfront about what it is that you want. So either we have it or not. So we either contribute to each other or we move on …or just enjoy that coffee and pure company of another being.

Oh I know I sound very very dumb to some of you. And you know what? I have showed a lot of dumbness in my life by simply opening my mouth 🙂   In my early young years I had not learned good discrimination in my communication and simply chose to speak the truth as it felt to me.

Example: 1. An aquaintance of my father offered to tutor me in advanced Math. And my father agreed. So I went there weekly. There were quite a few times when I was sitting there while he ‘figured’ out how to solve a problem. He visited our home again to ask my father (seriously!) why I wasn’t there anymore. I was right there to answer …my truth …”well, he wasn’t able to solve a lot of the problems so I stopped!”

Ya right! See with the truth you don’t have to think twice about what you are saying…truthful kindness took a long time to learn …

Example 2: I was at a park with my son. Met another enthusiastic mom of twins. While chitchatting she found out I rent at a nearby apartment community. Her eyes widened with pride pointing in the direction of a beautiful home she owned. It’s perfect I said! She went on how they managed to get everything perfect …now I know …looking into my eyes, if she had managed to invoke enough envy! She was soon to find out how Dumb I was! Because I went on to say how happy I was that she has this beautiful home. She really deserved it with the twins and a full time job, how would she manage  without the space she has in her home. I am so happy for you! DUMB IDEA! She moved on to other people this time wide-eyed with shock, didn’t acknowledge or recognize me the next time we bumped into each other. I didn’t have what she was looking for …

I have been through all stages of trying to fit in and being all that is expected in society. And now I am back full circle! I have developed a low tolerance for the mind games and guessing games that go into the ego-boosting, you-pat-my-back and I will do the same to you- kind of relations. It takes too much energy and work to sustain them. And then there is always fear and chance that such relations fizzle out. Really high maintenance costs!

I have more fun when I am in this crystal clear space that works for me, from where I can contribute to others. From where I can ask of others what I need from them. Either we have it for each other or we don’t. I will smell it if you merely dangle a carrot in front of me. If you try to play a game with me, without being truthful to me, you will have to step up really high, and I will have good fun with you! If you are truthful to me and I have something for you, I will do everything for you to the point that I appear dumb to you …haha!

Life is beautiful really! Let’s make it so for each other. Let us be mirrors to each other that reflect back our highest goodness and truth. Let us be that crystal clear space where we allow one heart to speak to another without fear or judgment. Kindness should not have a tag really, other than the goodness of it. Trust is an absolute treasure to have in any interaction. Kindness and truthfulness taken for granted as dumbness to be milked, is sadness to the fullest. I have been on both ends of this so no judgment about that too, all is fair if we keep learning and growing from where we are.

While functioning in the world, I am becoming aware of the layers of truthfulness that we can access. Pretense is definitely not one of them. Express yourself fully with what feels very comfortable to you and to the extent that is required of the moment. Be kind, vulnerable, strong, truthful …see where the pieces fall …if needed, pick them up and move on. You are all you got and you are everything you got …dumbness and all! I love my life and the people in them!