Just wanting to be Seen

Through the words
Through the face
Just wanting to be Seen

Through the silence
Through the emotions
Just wanting to be Seen

Through how we dress
Through how we stress
Just wanting to be Seen

Through the efforts
Through the turmoil
Finally not caring to be Seen

Through the Self that emerges
Just feeling and Being
From behind those curtains
As if just peeking …

Suddenly you are the Presence
You are the Beauty and Brilliance
Made invisible all this while
Through all the trial
Just wanting to be Seen …

Times that become the year

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Gratitude 2016
For the rich, sometimes dark
The perfect roast of aliveness
(Are you talking of my coffee?
Asked a curious good friend
Adding a touch of funny sweetness)
For the amazing, sometimes confusing
All of them the beautiful times

Gratitude 2016
For the moments of laughter precious
Tears that washed away the vicious
Anger, sadness, agony too, I admit
For the endurance through it all, a gift
For the people I can only begin to list

Gratitude 2016
For all the sortin’ and the siftin’
Of all my wishes for the coming 17
Wishes of some conquests and quests
Of finding rest in best of self
And the best in slowness and rests
Heights of glory in mind & beyond mind
Happiness and joys of true kind

Gratitude in advance 2017
For everything I know will be fulfilled
That’s the faith I got from ’16
Ask, dream, believe, it comes
Cherish, relish, receive when it does come

All of you who touched me
With your kind presence or energy
Of your words, wishes, thoughts & gesture
No difference to me real world or virtual
I hold all of you in my intention & asking
To find peace and love and infinite living
In the year of 2017

Those moments of noisy silence

What is it that blocks my sense
What is this deafening silence

I probe for words or thoughts
There are none but some knots

So much noise yet no sound
Within or without nothing around

Heart is open, head gnawing to know
What is the lesson here lying low

I have opened my mouth big enough
Who do I turn to when feeling rough

What do I say when I ask for help
Do not have a story to the drama to yelp

There is no reason, still wish relief
No other responsible, probably some of my belief

Is there anyone else out there
Who knows this stuck brick in the head

I realize that the best advice I give to myself
Is when I am talking to others like myself

I better listen carefully when I talk next
For now maybe I’ll take a walk or rest

Does it really matter?

When you feel like you want to disappear
What you really want is to arrive and appear
In a way that is totally you
You with all of yourself and facades few

You try to get away from it all
You though keep hearing a call
To show up this place and that
Coats and scarves and maybe a hat

You reach for things that cover best
Now that your presence is put to test
Ya ya I know it is the season and weather
But you see how glad you seem altogether

It is rather amusing to me
When I hide myself to deter
And then see how many check or bother
It shows my innate desire
To show up with all my fire
But just want to disappear
Because I am not sure if it does matter

Confidence …split between Worldly & Universal

Confidence is being sure of self or free of doubt. My exploration and revelation about it has been amusing to me. In any given moment the word confidence means nothing to me. I don’t relate to it or I don’t sense it in my body. Wait, let me finish 🙂

If I were to think of times when I felt very sure of myself, they come very easily to me. The times when I am writing like this, some poetry is flowing out of me or I am with a student, my sons or friend to answer a question that I am very sure I can answer. At least I can always answer ‘I don’t know’. I am not shy of that answer at all.

Those are the times I am confident of what I am saying and what I mean. Yet confidence is not a dominant part of my body language. All I know is when I am sure of myself, I am very relaxed in my way of being. The words, actions and answers are coming through me from some place of knowing that I am unable to own. It is more that I am willing to be owned by that knowing, I have surrendered to all the Universal knowing that wants to flow through me. This always keeps working for me, as long as, I stay in this space that gives true joy in my being. That joy becomes a delight when others understand me.

The world is made of people on different gradation on the confidence scale. There are people of robust physiques and best confident body language, unable to recall the last time they felt very sure of themselves. This way of being has worked for them in the world and they have practiced it enough to feel and seem very natural. There’s people who truly embody their most genuine and very assured way of being. They inspire me.

I have spent more of my time facing myself than I have spent facing the world. I have had to reach to the core of the Universal wisdom to be able to survive some of my life moments. And I have practiced those truths enough in my way of being, to feel natural about them. I have no shred of doubt in me when they flow through me.

I can get very timid where the world setting asks for a prominent presence of visibility in the physical body. That is my learning curve to cultivate the essence and strength of knowing to become evident as a felt-sense in my being. And it is some person’s learning curve to reach to their core knowing and cultivate it, for it to merge with their well-stitched cloak of confidence. 

Where does each one of us place ourselves on the scale of confidence?
To me personally, it has 2 ends to it …Worldly & Universal. I will be working to bring them together …so I don’t feel like a split person in one body anymore …

P.S. I am sure of what I mean here, not at all sure of what it translates to you 🙂 Please enlighten me on my learning curve, either way, in agreement or in contradiction.

Breathe life

While significantly playing our roles on earth …parent, son/daughter, employee/employer, relator/related in every/any possible way …somewhere we are always trying to connect with the individual in us. We are trying to make sense about what brings pain and joy. To make choices that work for us best.

If we are not giving any regard, during the day, to the fact that we are breathing …how else are we, in any more effective way, connecting with ourselves? We came in alive on earth with our first breath in and we will leave when we last breathe out. If we are not cultivating a full breath, then in a way, we are limiting our possibilities at anything that is called life or life-related. We are cutting short the supply of life force itself, that which propels anything out of us. We put daily demands on our body with such enormous expectations.The quality of our breath determines our experience in our body and life. If we work with our breath, the breath will work for us, for  lifetime.

When we are forcing, resisting, feeling like nothing works in our favor, not even in our body …it is our turn to work with our body and life. Allow it, nurture it, nourish it, communicate with it. Bring your attention to effective methods and cycles of breath, so that it flows in and out, empty of thinking …and then is available for the messages from the body. They are not very logical, mental messages in words, they are more intuitive cues that feel more relaxed from within. They lead you towards more integration and choices more in harmony of your being.

Let it unravel …

Elusive illusion
Desolate delusion

Overthinked opinions
Painful ponderance

Evergrown emotion
Sullen stupefaction

Managing memories
Feeling felt-sense

Blocked blight-head
Heavy heartache

Perpetually present
Adamant attachment

Sneakingly seething
Desired detachment

Tired tenacity
Silent sanity

Lingered longing
Lifetime’s lugging

Dissatisfied destiny
Emerging epiphany

Liquefying lament
Braving boredom

Releasing resistance
Teasing tangles

Identified intention
Trickled tune-in

Soothing simplicity
Soul seeking

Benign being
Breathing n Being

Rising resourceful
Juicy joyful

Wakened wisdom
Amazing alignment

Mindful miracle
Iterant infinitum