I used to remain small
to keep others comfortable
They did console themselves
that I am nobody big
I am nobody big
I am no small either
There is a big difference…
I wish us all to continue to live with the truth of our being, with courage and compassion in relation to each other. I found this in the corners of my old drafts, while I was looking for something else. I enjoyed reading it back to myself and thought I should share it 🙂
Sure I will eat my words So they don't bother you I will eat them all So I don't look for morsels of your approval Question is Will you be able to Drink my silence?
This is the original picture that I used for the above image. The lake was frozen solid in silence and clarity –
Wishing you all a beautiful transition through this powerful winter solstice, may the darkness take you into rich silence, ushering a renewed peace & harmony in your being.
There’s a message within me that I am holding on to.
There’s a purpose within me that I am holding on to. There’s an inner reality within me that seeks to pervade the outer world. There’s an outer reality that I am continually attempting to merge with from within.
I still see inner and outer realities separately.
So I know that I am not as mature yet to feel integrated consistently. It is a work in progress on a daily basis to access this integration through my yoga asana, conscious breath, meditation practice, study of the universal principles, time with trusted teachers & noble friends, choosing actions out of deep listening for clarity and intention.
I am often sloppy and imperfect in how I live this.
Any time I have attempted to do any work from a place of want, I have had to cut through the noise of how it should be done. It takes up a lot of energy to clear out the pressures and fears that come with goal oriented choices.
My greatest power to be of value to myself or anyone has been my innocence.
It is those things that I had no idea of What and Why I was doing it, that have given me the most beautiful, joyful, nourishing experiences and expressions of life. I seem to have accepted what was coming or given to me, then aligned and equipped myself to be the best contribution I can be. This holds true for everything from motherhood to blogging.
The illusion of knowing a lot more than ever now takes away my innocence.
It takes away my capacity to accept, explore and live playfully. It makes me take refuge in my comfort zone and resist change. I am now seeking to be more deeply anchored within – from where I find the strength of a mountain and the child like innocence.
I affirm here to listen intently for where I am called and show up consciously.
I lay down to rest all that I think I know and want. I remain present for what needs to come up for the moment, the day, the person, the situation, the project, the intention. A structure arises for me to work with, from what looks like a chaos that overwhelms at times.
It is not about what I want. It is about what wants to Be and Come through me.
It is not about what I want. It is about what wants to Be and Come through me.
Did I go on a long break?
I have been on this unintended and unplanned break from this blog space. Sometimes I thought I knew why I was away and sometimes I wondered why. It feels more like being in response to the Greater Continuum of Life. It is surrender to where and how I am called to be, on a daily basis.
I am so grateful for the loving kind inquiries on my well being and whereabouts. You, my friends from this blog world, are as real a contribution to me as any other. You truly nourish the soil on which I find my ground to be Here.
The beauty of the space I have been in
I found myself letting go of all particular ways of how I spent my time of the day. It led me to venture into new avenues of life and become more consciously present & engaged in the familiar avenues of life. It gave me clarity on exactly how I am a contribution to my relations, my intention, how my purpose is getting shaped. I kept wanting to be back here in time, I had so much to say, yet no urge to write.
My ability to allow life to come to me and follow exactly as guided from within, has deepened more than ever. I finally feel no judgment over what looks productive, or not, in the world out there. The choice of simply Being, living life without the pressure of Doing, is coming more easily to me. I found myself in a profound wave of contemplating, clearly seeing, digesting and integrating all aspects of my life and being, towards a sense of coherence. It is unfolding in incredible ways. It is amazing.
I feel the process of grounding and the blooming of ease & joy alive in me. There is no rushing about this process. It is slow and luxurious. It yields abundantly with the time and space it provides me to grow and just Be.
My first blog post was dated October 5, 2015. All this time seems to be magical and unreal. I entered this space not knowing what blogging meant, what it took and what could be done with it. I simply needed a place to rest the force that was pulsating within. A trusted friend suggested WordPress, dear husband set up this site for me in one day and I posted my first poetry. The name of the blog, the description of About page – all of it came without any thought or plan. I put my fingers to keys and the words simply came. The description on the About page feels so innocent and newly, deeply meaningful to me today, as I celebrate 4 years of being here, on October 5. 2019.
It took a while for this space to change from a scared place to a sacred space for me. The love and understanding I received from interactions here, wrapped around my heart and helped me thrive.
That was a time when poetry had become a living breathing part of me. Poetry doesn’t visit me anymore as of now. Poetry, as if lovingly conveyed to me that it was time for me to visit life in a different role. I had felt a lot of grief when I thought poetry was leaving me. I even wrote a poem named “What if poetry never comes through me again” (https://pragalbhadoshi.wordpress.com/…/what-if-poetry-neve…/). I did write some more poetry after that as the flow trickled to a stop.
I love the richness of this yet another new life that I am living and also look back at my poet self fondly. Poetry knows the perfect time to come through again.
I trust the process
I am in the process of integrating all parts of me into one self and embarking on this training ground for compassion, kindness, love, acceptance and courage to live with the truth of my being. It does take me through difficult bends, unskilled as I am – they are lessons I am supported and guided through.
Comfort is not a requirement, and joy is guaranteed in choosing alignment with universal humanity.
I now allow all different realities of life unfolding into one beautiful, magical, miraculous tapestry of life and its expression waiting to be channeled through me.
I would love to hear your thoughts my dear friends. I will find my way to your work and get to as much as I can. I truly missed you all. I will post next when the inspiration strikes me again! 🙂
I have lived with a confusion of what exactly I want to do with the rest of my lifetime.
I looked upon the path I was walking on, I often saw multiple trails coming up ahead. The best I could zoom in was to stand at a fork trying to decide which one of the two roads ahead I want to choose.
That led me to question myself : “What is my purpose?” “What is the work that I am truly given time for, on this planet?” “Which dream do I follow? Which dream is truly mine? Which ones are more ideas from others about what I could be/should be doing?”
It felt like this lifetime wouldn’t be enough to cover the paths becoming evident to me.
It is funny how clarity in different directions can create confusion!
The word ‘Focus’ dawned on me. I needed to focus in one direction for now, I told myself.
I followed my inclinations and found things that I couldn’t stop doing. They are enough to fill the day ahead & my heart with immense joy & peace. I am committed to those.
It has become clear to me that I needn’t beat up myself with one ambition to focus on.
I am travelling this beautiful road of life and I have a lot of glorious views on the way. I give myself permission to look side ways and take time to appreciate what I see.
This picture of mine taken unknown to me, gives me a glimpse of my Focus in life.
I kneel to the ground in reverence to how I am being guided and choose to look through the lens of a powerful perspective.
I still see the fork in the road ahead of me, not knowing which way each trail twists & turns. Yet, I am seeing that I will be led on to one of them, one day at a time.
Something tells me there is a possibility that both those trails could meet at a later time, and I might have the opportunity to have an integrated experience of fulfilling all my dreams on the way. Just maybe …
This post is a contribution to ForgivingFridays, a monthly initiative by Debbie Roth of Forgiving Connects, a blog of inspiration to me.
As we prepare to step into the New Year I felt drawn to revisit my old posts that came at a similar time. It was like visiting the previous versions of me and how the felt sense of life has kept evolving for me, year to year. This year I feel fairly removed from feeling the years as separate blocks of time. The year ahead feels like a continuum, a knowing of how I am going to be changed as a person yet there is no rawness of curiosity in it. I feel focused and open for new directions.
Following post, first posted on Jan 5, 2017. I loved repeating this to myself, so I shed some more layers of confines I place on myself.
It is too long that you stayed in that shell …to keep others comfortable.
There are some around you who have always loved you, with whom you are amazing and it is easy. You feel safe being yourself. Then why walk on eggshells in the rest of the world? Why numb and dumb down the goodness and brightness in you ? Sometimes to the point that you feel like the most ungracious or insensitive person?
Nobody realizes that you are trying to be just the opposite, or simply trying to fit in. You value them too much …more than yourself! They are getting used to that …your misery even. And you are getting comfortable with that. In your mind you are being nice to them …stop …just stop!
They are taking your appreciation and praise, for everything about them, as your weakness, or worse jealousy. When you soar higher than what they perceive you to be (and you are still nowhere in your perception) …what will you take their unappreciation of your journey as? How will you look at their lack of acknowledging of your existence?
Look at those who really ‘see’ you. You seem to do everything right towards them.
Break the shell, crack open …Do what it takes! It’s worth it! They will find others who feed their comfort. Yes, give them the shock …stop hurting so much!
They will have to step up, to be able to understand you and cheer you in your growth. They will have to know the pain you pay as your dues. The grace you are showing as you choose to crack open and take flight.
You in your truthfulness will mourn your perceived loss of some of them, because you truly cared about them. That’s why you kept them comfortable while you suffered being trapped in an unwholesome reality.
Yes, I know you also have done some things wrong to some. Those too will reach out to you or you to them, in your growth. Just that you are not accountable to all of them this very minute, so don’t judge yourself so hard.
Go ahead take that step, a small change, break open, fly. The ones ready for growth will grow with you, or even break some towards their own growth. Some will fall away, as you both cannot see eye to eye now.
Forgive yourself, forgive them, love yourself, love them, allow yourself to Be, allow them to Be. Trust me, trust me, trust me it’s worth it. When you feel stuck and choose to wiggle out, it hurts, it’s worth it.
The ones who care for you and the ones you care for, will have to accept you as you are today. Let them know you want ONE with them, you are one of them. But be stronger on your own path. Some of them Never let go!!
Break out of anything you are keeping yourself in …one step at a time!
Following post, first posted on December 31, 2017. I have picked lines of the poem to share here because I feel exactly the same in a very different way, as I look back to 2018 and head into 2019. Title is linked to full post.
Looking back 2016 had felt like a poetry
It’s rhythm evident towards the end
Miraculous intensities as if waves undulatory
Looking back 2017 feels like chunks of prose
Blocks of emotions riotous, faced to fend
Unbeknownst intensities dealt to come to close
Now I see tremendous success in simply Being
The freedom and liberation is sweet
Without the need to justify with achieving
A lot of life is hidden in the slow living
Follow into the next choice after deep listening
All the voices in my head that created turmoil
Most many of them were not mine
When I decided to do nothing
Exact things happened that meant something
Universe is becoming my family
Soul interactions touching me deeply
And there’s us souls committed to each other
Deemed as Family for this lifetime
We hold hands together in joy and trust
To make it through with our individual soul calling
Each of you dear one who reads
I wish you too a curious & glorious 2018 (now 2019)
May you find a ground steady as you tread
The waves of life with each twist and turn
May we all embrace the beauty with mirth
Of this finite vacation on planet Earth
Following post, first posted on December 31, 2016. Title is linked to the full poem.
I will be on a break from this blogging space for a month from now. If I don’t respond to any of your comments this is why. When I return I will resume my visits to your wonderful works that I am going to be missing 🙂 My heartfelt Gratitude & Love to all of you and this precious virtual space where we often have our most treasured conversations.
A note to my blogger friends & readers:
This could be the last quote image of 2018 from me. I have had so much fun creating these. Check out all my quotes at the Inspiration Gallery that I am so grateful for coming to Be. It is the gift of 2018 to me and my gift to all of you who enjoy it.
Pairing the words that came to me with pictures was like a meditative treasure hunt always. Pictures came from our family vacations and often browsing through sites of my photographer friends Atanu Chakraborty & Vikram Phale, who generously allowed me to use them. None of the collaboration of words and pictures were ever planned. Pictures were taken without agenda and words were gifts of the soul of the Universe. Rare few times the pictures prompted the quotes and other times the words took me on the trail to the right picture.
The first quote image I ever made took me about 8 hours to get the final version right, playing with all the tools, fonts and placements available. I was like a kindergartner getting my alphabets right on the blackboard. So much patience shown with me from my friend Vikram Phale with his coaching to visualize the aesthetic aspects of the images, his honest feedback always, and help in the technical aspects of editing from my husband Manish Doshi. Today’s quote above found a picture and got designed in under an hour with no help 🙂 and I love the feeling of that.
I started this blog with a lot of poetry and occasional articles. I dreamed of making quotes but didn’t think/trust I would be doing them. A blogger friend Josiah Harry of Skylarity gifted me some quote images that he made from my poetry lines that he so preciously picked. Oh the joy and gratitude with which I received his gift of these quote images! (Images created by him are included in the Inspiration Gallery)That gave me the boost of a beginning to create my own, though it took me about an year after.
My quote images seem to have replaced the process of my poetry. Poetry has become a occasional kind visitor to me in my work, some articles, some thoughts, some quotes, some long pauses, that’s how I am flowing in this blog space.
PS : This quote image is a contribution to ForgivingFridays of ForgivingConnects. Choices come with ease when we work with forgiving and acceptance.
When they prefer to talk About you
Instead of talking To you
Know that you are headed elsewhere
Keep going through the lone and confusing times
Discover some amazing life and incredible people
I truly believe that you will
The photo is by my husband on Kauai island 🙂
This is a contribution to ForgivingFridays of ForgivingConnects, much Love to you dear Debbie. This is my message to urge everyone to keep going with love, forgiveness and acceptance for ourselves and the choices of others towards us.
All the running in mind to get somewhere
Often makes us feel stuck in the nowhere
I have been enjoying the spaces in my mind
Between thoughts, of all kind & unkind
In arriving those spaces we get to face
Our self with all that we try to escape
Taking the time to know our own thoughts & emotions
Towards our self, others & this life
Enables us to choose with no fear
Our actions become crisp & clear
Slower we go, quicker we reach
To all that we truly beseech
We can either struggle, become impatient and keep running in our minds with how things should be, how we should be and how different we wish it all to be. Self-judgment often fuels this mind marathon.
We can take time to truly know what we are reaching for through all that we want. All can become possible if we allow the time and space. Clarity of choice comes from the slowing down in our mind.
P.S. This post is a contribution to ForgivingFridays of Forgiving Connects.
Yes Dreams Come True
The Waking Ones often Do
Fears too Come True
The Sleeping Ones often Do
Each can be stifling to the other
Awakening within, the creator
This post is a contribution to ForgivingFridays on ForgivingConnect, for awakening is a process that happens where there is acceptance in our hearts.