Top Writer in Inspiration

Congratulations! You are now a top writer in Inspiration
Great Work! Pragalbha Doshi

Today I received an email from Medium that said exactly the words above! 🙂

The title of this post is a seed I am sowing. In this rich fertile land of readers and writers alike. This seed is now ready to flourish and grow beyond it’s own knowing of it’s own potential.

I am now ready to receive the BEcoming of this title. The ‘Top’ …I am not sure what it means. The ‘Writer’ I will always BE, because I have a lot to say to humanity. The ‘Inspiration’ is what I want to be in the essence of my Being. I always wanted to be …I chose to be a yoga teacher for that simple reason. To create a difference in the way we live life …from the root level, live for and with a sense of wellbeing.

For a length of time I treated myself and my writings as happy accidents, and all appreciation on my work as happier accidents. I mostly felt only gratitude and sometimes overwhelmingly so. I have also felt as if I am not sure how long this will keep going.

When I first began sharing my writings, they felt like a huge act of courage. Like opening up the inner workings of my brain to the world … wide open to be seen. And I was very pleasantly surprised to receive only kindness, acceptance and love in this space. The true regard for spoken word and the validation nourished me.

I found encouragement, motivation and inspiration in this space, sometimes to the point of cracking myself open through my own resistance.

Along with tremendous gratitude to all and those of you who contributed to me in these powerful ways …I post this title with a resolve within myself.

A resolve to Be myself and do all that it takes to begin the cycle of courage all over again.  To be willing to open up with deeper levels of my brain’s working. To lay everything out there like never before …and just like before.

You, my friends and readers have helped me soften the edge of what it feels like courage. I receive and embrace ‘Top Writer in Inspiration” with a sense of lightness now. I exactly know how it unfolds. I will simply keep writing with all my heart …all the truths of myself and my being. The seed is sown in good soil. It is nourished and will keep thriving!

My friends, I look forward to witnessing and nourishing our journeys together!

 

Do I have a personality?

Do I have a personality?
I grew up feeling none.
I kept wanting one.

I saw some as persons happy
But I felt lot of thoughts unhappy
I saw some as being persons assured
But I felt unsure of what really mattered
I saw some as being persons positive
But I felt I needed lot more perspective
I saw some wearing their wealth on them
And I felt the need to become abundant
I saw some wearing their success on them
But I felt I really wish I had a passion
I sought to be truthfully joyful
But I felt lot of things to be untruthful

I simply only wanted my own personality
Yet I tried every which way to fit in
Also learned some tricks to blend in
Wherever I Be I became that one
Except it became difficult to keep up

Do I have a personality?
Now supposedly a grown-up
I am not sure I have one

A new friend in conversation
In complete awe of my hard-core choices
Called me in myself an institution
And visiting me a few days later
Found me a sobbing mess of confusion
Befuddled she told me
“Never imagined You could become this”
I confided in her honestly
I needed the friend in her
As much as she used the one in me.
She probed further if I had ever cried
For those times such and such
I said yes I did
When at times I became human as much

This kind friend then exhorted me
That I should be wearing all that I am
And walk out in the world head held high
Gain some confidence and personality

Veracity in the moment doesn’t allow me
To wear anything external on me
I am that I am and I wonder what I am
I live in an attempt of absolute integrity
In all the roles that can be called of me
I show up with confidence or confusion
It is me in that moment feeling fluidly
The only corrugation is of my intention

So now do I have a personality?
You tell me which one you see in me
So do I need a personality?
Or I could just Be what I have come to Be.

 

P.S. Dear Debbie, I gladly contribute this poem to ForgivingFridays, as a gesture of forgiveness for everywhere we judge ourselves for what we are. Thank you for being here.

 

Ever Been a Seed like this? Ever Seen a Flower like this?

A seed, gets buried in an avalanche of soil. The soil is rich, impregnated with all the life juice and organic energy for the seed to use. The seed though, suffocates and struggles  in the darkness and compactness of being buried.
It knows it will survive …not sure how.

It finds in itself the innate ability to absorb, the nutrients and moisture available around. Something starts to happen as the seed starts getting soaked.
It begins to change …not sure how.

Ever wonder how the change feels to the seed?

So much of breaking up, as it transforms. So much of a stir, before it finally learns to feel the softening. The tremendous endurance before it feels the surrender…

The seed sprouts a shoot. The shoot is so puzzled as it begins to break out of the surface of the ground. It quivers as the first air brushes on it. It faces the brightness of the very first light. It is held up …not sure how.

Ever know what this feels like?

The shoot grows stronger, taller. Head high, seeing all around very clearly.
It blooms. Into a delicate, pretty, beautiful flower. It is crimson and pink all over. It is just Being. Just Being what it had come to become. Not knowing about beautiful or happy or anything.

The flower suddenly gets jolted out of Being. It has a question. “Am I arrogant?
They are saying, I am beautiful and pretty … Am I arrogant?”
It feels the judgment ..not sure how.

Ever wonder about why the embarrassment about what you are blessed with Being?

The flower looks down, to the soil. “I know” it says, “I am up here only because of your nourishment, all that you gave me. I still have my roots in you …will always have my roots in you, as long as I live …roots of my gratitude”. It hears a message back from the soil, “We never said you owe us!”

Ever wonder how different we are as humans, when we serve, just because we were able to?

The flower ponders, “I am up here …all beautiful and pretty. I will be Beauty to the eye that sees me, Fragrance for the one who smells me …as long as I just Be.
Then one day my petals will fall away, one by one. I will no longer be the flower, pretty and beautiful, up here soaking in the sunshine. I will become part of  the soil, to nourish another flower to bloom. I will get a chance to give back then.”
It feels content …a bit sure how.

With a happy smile, the flower looks down at it’s stalk …its connection to the soil and nourishment. It gets puzzled to see thorns and leaves, that it did not see before.
It finds the answer it seeks …not sure how.

The leaves help it absorb the intensity of the sunshine.
The thorns …the thorns …there is sadness on seeing the thorns.
With the morning dew drops as tears, the flower says …”I am sorry I have thorns. I am done being broken down! Don’t touch me, Now I have thorns!!”

“The wounds of the seed as it transformed, to help me be born, I still carry in my soul.”

“I am told I also have a name …Rose is what I am called. I am not sure what all that is about …I am just here as temporarily as you are. I will stand tall and beautiful and pretty as long as you look at me …until I simply fall away …one petal at a time …to return and become the richness of the soil”

Ever wonder how the beauty feels to the flower?

Step into the New …You

It is too long that you stayed in that shell …to keep others comfortable.

There are some around you who have always loved you, with whom you are amazing and it is easy. You feel safe being yourself. Then why walk on eggshells in the rest of the world? Why numb and dumb down the goodness and brightness in you ? Sometimes to the point that you come across as the most ungracious or insensitive person?

Nobody realizes that you are trying to be just the opposite, or simply trying to fit in. You value them too much …more than yourself! They are getting used to that …your misery even. And you are getting comfortable with that. In your mind you are being nice to them …stop …just stop!

They are taking your appreciation and praise, for everything about them, as your weakness, or worse jealousy. When you soar higher than what they perceive you to be (and you are still nowhere in your perception) …what will you take their unappreciation of your journey as? How will you look at their lack of acknowledging of your existence?

Look at those who really ‘see’ you. You seem to do everything right towards them.

Break the shell, crack open …Do what it takes! It’s worth it! They will find others who feed their comfort. Yes, give them the shock …stop hurting so much!

They will have to step up, to be able to understand you and cheer you in your growth. They will have to know the pain you pay as your dues. The grace you are showing as you choose to crack open and take flight.

You in your truthfulness will mourn your perceived loss of some of them, because you truly cared about them. That’s why you kept them comfortable while you suffered being trapped in an unwholesome reality.

Yes, I know you also have done some things wrong to some. Those too will reach out to you or you to them, in your growth. Just that you are not accountable to all of them this very minute, so don’t judge yourself so hard.

Go ahead take that step, a small change, break open, fly. The ones ready for growth will grow with you, or even break some towards their own growth. Some will fall away, as you both cannot see eye to eye now.

Forgive yourself, forgive them, love yourself, love them, allow yourself to Be, allow them to Be. Trust me, trust me, trust me it’s worth it. When you feel stuck and choose to wiggle out, it hurts, it’s worth it.

The ones who care for you and the ones you care for, will have to accept you as you are today. Let them know you want ONE with them, you are one of them. But be stronger on your own path. Some of them Never let go!!

Break out of anything you are keeping yourself in …one step at a time!

Now what do you do? …

Now do you laugh or cry?
When the one who sat with your sigh
While your times were crappy
That someone as if can’t stand you
When you are now happy

Now do you hurt or smile?
When someone visited with you
As if when you were dying
That someone acts as if shocked you are living

Now do you stay or let go?
Someone stayed (or played) with you
When helpless in sorrowful strive
And now denies you exist even so
As if unable to see you thrive …

Growing and Growing Up

Our everyday perceptions
Not necessarily misconceptions
Yet all that is taken to be true
Gets erased from the view
Something happens to mess it up
I call it in a way growing up

———–

You label something to be love
A paradigm of sense of Belonging
You realize all it was was longing
As you start to become the Be
That is when you see it for what it is
There is a lot of holding up
In this kind of growing up

————

For the once contained
Is now the container
The love is refined and redefined
The more spacious the container
More warmth there is for all kind
Yes it is all about growing and growing up