The sadness, the joy …Grateful to be back!

Photo Credit : Vikram Phale

I have been looking for a doorway back into this space certainly. There was an inert kind of sadness when my inspiration to keep posting trickled to a stop, earlier this year. I trusted it to show me when and where to be. I woke up this morning with a design of the quote image above and a clear feeling of wanting to bring it here for my WordPress friends.

As the entire world went through tumultuous changes that came with the pandemic, I took time to appreciate simple blessings, the gifts of being alive, the deepening heart connections for how real the ephemeral nature of our existence is.

Glimpse of the Sky and the Earth seems a true indulgence – Photo by myself

Sadness is really one side of the coin, when a mere breeze from the air or a caring word from someone brings us joy.

Happiness heals the planet
the kind that makes you smile from the heart
…and from behind your closed eyes
the kind that is only truly felt
…if the joy is shared

Some corners of Earth draw me in, as if I am moving inward within – Photo by myself

I questioned myself a lot for what my purpose on this planet is, what is my role truly in all my relations, gave myself permission to practice being unapologetically myself and enjoyed the privileges afforded to me. I went through some major internal shifts but then who hasn’t lately?!!

As we all question what our role is
In this world when none can stay passive
Take care of yourself no guilt & then give
We are all together in how our heart lives this

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I am so happy and grateful to be back here to connect with you all and further explore the emergence of inspiration and new avenues of being!

Humble gratitude to all of you who emailed me or left messages in this space to ask about my well-being and to let me know that I am missed. Means-a-lot-whole-lot-to-me. You have been the most kind witness of my inner world when it poured out and needed to be received.

As I make my way to find you and your words, one by one, I await your visit on my post with childlike curiosity for who would I engage with next as I perhaps see your comment 🙂

Envy & Inspiration

Photograph: Atanu Chakraborty “Reach out Into what Calls You”

I have been aware of the energy of envy since a very young age. In today’s times of social media, it has become all the more palpable. I think envy is simply the face of I-WANT-THAT. And I see nothing inherently wrong in it. I actually love to meet people that I start to feel a tinge of envy about. I like to actually share with them that I envy them for some particular aspect. By the time I know enough about them, I always find some genuine inspiration and there is no place for the green.

As a little girl, it was confusing for me to have the sense of self-worth mixed with the proportion of affluence. At some level, things seemed pretty simple to me …you have some things, and I don’t! But as the feeling of lack started creeping in, I slowly learnt to imbibe the energy of people around me who took pleasure in owning things, which I thought I would love to have too!

I learned to desire and trust that I will have all that I want and need.

Envy can hit us on all aspects of life like affluence, education, career, beauty, confidence. There is far more freedom in truly enjoying someone else’s happiness. If we look closely, each person’s asset could be their only true support system through this lifetime. People who seem to have it all very easily, are the ones who might have done the toughest groundwork to build their castle on. It can become very clear to us that we definitely do not want to be in anyone’s shoes. It can get really overwhelming to have to live all of the lives that we choose to envy. I now simply love the energy of the person who is truly enjoying something, be it money, faith, art, or love itself.

We open ourselves up for possibilities when we first enjoy the energies! We don’t have to have it all or live it all right now! And the freedom is even more when we realize that we truly didn’t need something we thought we did.

Someone said to me, “I envy a content smile, and wonder if it’s real or fake …” I say substitute the word envy with desire, I have now discovered that the content smile is the most important to want. There comes a time when all of us get tired of putting on smiles or wearing happiness on our faces. It is amazing when we can turn envy into inspiration! Simply go I want that content smile on me! Then look for what stops you from having it.

Envy just doesn’t feel good in the body, none of us enjoy not feeling good. Inspiration on the other hand feels amazing like the pulse of life itself. Don’t let anything touch you more than it serves you. You just need the energy of the person who has that smile, not that person’s life situation. You have your own life and magic to create for yourself. Trust your intention of love and service, and let go of all that won’t let you smile. Open yourself to new experiences, even if in the smallest possible way. Create space for that smile for yourself.

Regarding social media, some of us are not sharing the journey that brought us this kind of satisfaction, simply because bringing up that journey does not serve us more than sharing this smile. So use every smile to discover what’s really true for you. Smile …and always from the heart, look for it deeper when it doesn’t come from there. Every other aspect of life tends to follow a good genuine smile 🙂 Turn the green of envy into the red hot of desire to create for yourself …anything you want, really!!!

Originally published on December 2015

Recent short posts of few lines on envy: Envy & What can Be      Here, Take them All

Time and Again

Time and again
Find myself in insistence
Of proving my existence
Through experiences and relations
Often  running wild with emotions
This unrelenting persistence
To find soothing sustenance

Said the great poet
‘Close your eyes, fall in love‘
Try that with my mind quiet
With each heartbeat, seeds I sow
‘I am’ ‘I am’ I am’
Simply Being at best
Is a forever quest

How are you?

I significantly remember the question ‘How are you?’ after moving to the USA. This question has been on a journey and evolution of it’s own. It’s relevance, in what it means to me, has changed tremendously over the years.

One of the stark experiences of coming to US from India, was the contrast in the experience of going for a walk  here. While a way had to be carved amongst hurried humans on the streets of Mumbai, here the way was all to myself. The sight of a fellow human being  on foot felt most thrilling. Soon I realized that eye contact elicited the question ‘How are you?’ After first few times of an awkward nod-&-smile, I learned that ‘good’ is the preferred answer unlike ‘fine’ in India. Also a following ‘thank you’ made a complete answer. I quickly learned to ask that question now to whoever I crossed path with. I was very amused at the first ‘Not too bad’ reply. Now there was an element of truth to it …I liked that!

Truth be told the question didn’t mean anything to me …it confused me about how can it be a form of greeting to anyone …it felt pretty superficial to me. A question for which an answer was already decided. Being in a new country and being impacted by everything in a brand new way, I admit I had blocked off all feelings except for a sense of wonder for how things operated here. I had no clue how I felt for a ‘How are you?’

Fast forward to a phase of life when I dealt with a health crisis. I truly discovered the value of the question ‘How are you?’ Especially in social circles and acquaintances the question came only from those who really wanted to know. It made a huge difference in my day and life when someone asked me ‘How are you?’ and actually listened. They indulged with me in my lighthearted attempts at humor and reveled in my positive perspectives. Sometimes they let me unload when I was feeling down, lending me their perspectives of how all of it is going to work out all right 🙂 I think I would remember a few ‘How are you?’ encounters during that phase for the rest of my life …

In a ‘regular’ life and world now, I am once again getting uncomfortable with that question. Because now I care too much about that question and the answer. It’s relevance does keep changing depending on who is asking and when. But there is only certain number of times that I have the ‘patience’ to have the answer to that question in a word or two …outside of any professional setting.

One of my yoga teachers introduced this concept of asking ‘How is your heart?’ that truly speaks to me. We often carry within us a feeling in our heart …we feel it tangibly, a heaviness, a block of iron, a hole, an emptiness … it is directly connected to the way we are feeling and being in our being. To answer a ‘good’ while carrying all that within …repeatedly …brings a lot of tediousness, fakeness and more of whatever you are lugging within you. Of course it gets easier when what you are carrying is more of a spaciousness and lightness …

We are social animals for the significant reason that we are together in this. So we connect, we share, laugh and lighten up together. If we are using these opportunities only to deny what we are carrying within …we are denying ourselves the richness of human connection. There is different media used for communication like phone and text, besides personal encounters. With all kinds of time consuming routines that most of us have dedicated to, it has become very important to me that I truly get to answer a ‘How are you?’ to a friend. Also if I am taking the time to ask you ‘How are you?’ I really mean to know from you. Anything that is relevant to you at that time …whether you are excited about your new project, slightly or more worried or stressed at work, busy sorting some family stuff …anything …if you are a friend or anything more than just a professional contact to me …then I care to know. If you ask me ‘How are you?’ it is my heart that wants to speak to you more than the mannerly conditioned human in me.

Let us create a web of connections heart to heart that we can dangle and tangle in … where we feel safe to untangle the knots in our belly and lighten the iron blocks in our heart. Where we are unafraid to be our vulnerable, authentic selves …where our woes are cared for and hearts are nurtured, there need not be any pretense of positivity. We feel what we feel. Let us live together in wonderment of life itself …does it matter whether we laugh or cry or speak our heart as a response to a thoughtful ‘How are you?’

Funny thing is that now I feel so lost at a ‘How are you?’ casually thrown at me…I almost want to say …’I have no idea in the moment’ …because the heart feels a lot. 🙂

The oft relentless meloncholy

How much more can I do this?
What?
Life and Living and Being
What can I do with it?
What?
Life and Living and Being
What’s the purpose of this?
What?
Life and Living and Being
Where am I going with this?
What?
Life and Living and Being

What could be more fun today?
Work or rest or play?
What would I choose, if I may?
What is right from wrong anyway?

What would make this less trying?
What?
Life and Living and Being
What’s the meaning of all the laughing and crying?
Life and Living and Being
What do I really want with all this craving?
Life and Living and Being
What would make this less like braving?
Life and Living and Being and Loving

What if that still leaves me longing?
Oh that’s the common kinda not-getting
What?
Life and Living and Being and Self-loving
Oh what about wanting to belonging?
That’s what universally everyone’s seeking

So What?

Life and Living and Being and Loving
As if the whole Universe is your belonging
Conditional is what is longing
Unconditional is what is belonging
One feels like it’s clogging
Other feels like forever flowing

What?

Life and Living and Being and Loving
Live as if not knowing
Love as if all knowing
Life as you are Living and Being …

Envy & Inspiration

I have been aware of the energy of envy since a very young age. In today’s times of social media, it has become all the more palpable. I think envy is simply the face of I-WANT-THAT. And I see nothing inherently wrong in it. I actually love to meet people that I start to feel a tinge of envy about. I like to actually share with them that I envy them for some particular aspect. By the time I know enough about them, I always find some genuine inspiration and there is no place for the green.

As a little girl, it was confusing for me to have the sense of self-worth mixed with the proportion of affluence. At some level, things seemed pretty simple to me …you have some things, and I don’t! But as the feeling of lack started creeping in, I slowly learnt to imbibe the energy of people around me who took pleasure in owning things, which I thought I would love to have too! I simply learned to desire and trust that I will have all that I want and need.

Envy can hit us on all aspects of life like affluence, education, career, beauty, confidence … There is far more freedom in truly enjoying someone else’s happiness. If we look closely, each person’s asset could be their only true support system through this lifetime. People who seem to have it all very easily, are the ones who might have done the toughest groundwork to build their castle on. It can become very clear to us that we definitely do not want to be in anyone’s shoes. It can get really overwhelming to have to live all of the lives that we choose to envy. I now simply love the energy of the person who is truly enjoying something, be it money, faith, art, or love itself. We open ourselves up for possibilities when we first enjoy the energies! We don’t have to have it all or live it all right now! And the freedom is even more when we realize that we truly didn’t need something we thought we did.

Someone said to me, “I envy a content smile, and wonder if it’s real or fake …” I say substitute the word envy with desire, I have now discovered that the content smile is the most important to want. There comes a time when all of us get tired of putting on smiles or wearing happiness on our faces. It is amazing when we can turn envy into inspiration …simply go I want that content smile on me! Then look for what stops you from having it.

Envy just doesn’t feel good in the body, none of us enjoy not feeling good. Inspiration on the other hand feels amazing like the pulse of life itself. Don’t let anything touch you more than it serves you. You just need the energy of the person who has that smile, not that person’s life situation. You have your own life and magic to create for yourself. Trust your intention of love and service, and let go of all that won’t let you smile. Open yourself to new experiences, even if in the smallest possible way. Create space for that smile for yourself.

Regarding social media, some of us are not sharing the journey that brought us this kind of satisfaction, simply because bringing up that journey does not serve us more than sharing this smile. So use every smile to discover what’s really true for you. Smile …and always from the heart, look for it deeper when it doesn’t come from there. Every other aspect of life tends to follow a good genuine smile 🙂 Turn the green of envy into the red hot of desire to create for yourself …anything you want, really!!!