Experiences on a continuum, spirally back at deeper levels alive, raw, intense Much greater trust each time around
We keep doing this continually, push the edges towards authenticity while keeping the peace, protecting our sensitivity, our strength misunderstood. It is often awful yet so so stunning how we keep going.
After digging deep now sitting on the rim of another level of depth, enjoying the breeze, holding the expanse above in my awareness, there is no turning back. Right here right now being on this planet, breathing new life into every sense of Being, Knowing, and Perceiving.
Fear and I play peekaboo, not wanting the encounter when I venture to dig deeper seeking a calm quiet inspiration to be led, through it all. Enjoying the gifts of where I am, which may be over this very moment or may linger on for a bit more.
Today I wish to give a special mention to 2 blogger friends “The Chatter Blog” & “Dreamwalker’s Sanctuary” They are a tremendous positive inspiration and influence on my trajectory of writing and being through life experiences, since the beginning of my blog journey. The above poem is a confluence of my responses to their posts. If you haven’t yet visited their work, please do.
There is a conflicting perception of what is real and what is fake while navigating relationships that are unaware of your inner journey or outright deny your feelings as invalid. They approve only what fits in their world and make what comes from your heart invisible.
They want you to be assured of their love – the one that lies behind their everyday expressions of negativity, sarcasm, facade – the life of only upholding the structures given to them and those that you are required to inherit.
Your invitation to actually care for each other with genuine words and thoughtful gestures rejected as naive. All actions are transactions for how we need each other in times of need – all needs that translate into the Doing aspects not really actually Being there for each other without requiring you to be any different
All your initiatives of heartfelt love are seen as your need for their support when you might need it the next time, and not for the love itself.
There is no receiving, gratitude, or reciprocity, only need, indebtedness, and duty. A made up love and made up relations that we commit and adhere to.
The condition is also that your love has to be contained for this family setting only any expression towards outsiders is foolish or unrequired, unless only exactly as defined by them.
Love and kindness are good in words until you try and implement them – that’s when they want to fix you, to become worldsmart, to play the power games, to lend them your energy and kindness-laden words to bring them the results of their agenda.
Beyond that, they have no trust or allowance for you acting on those words and extending that heartfelt kindness to someone, they don’t approve of.
They want you to get over your mushy heart that cried with hurting from the lack of integrity when expected to conform to feel a part of family You just don’t and won’t agree with hating someone when expected to hate because you are family
And you will get hurt repeatedly when they only insist on having unconscious conversations and otherwise, make you invisible for who you really are Your real conversations – reserve them for those showing up in your Universal Family
Getting past this need for nourishing family relations, standing up for being yourself, holding compassion for what they bring as love and life, not feeling like a fake when speaking their language limited to how we relate – these are the many painful rebirthing parts of the process.
Acutely aware of your inner body the rumble of fear in your belly a holding up in shoulders & your being having to affirm to yourself of the safety, trust, and love available to you
Nourish your inner self with your own love. Invite the ability to be with yourself with comfort and ease Allow the capacity for gratitude For they are exactly who assisted your life journey into this deeper yearning and more expansive Love of your Being the kind which still holds all of them with Love.
“Do Nothing – It is the Brave who can truly rest on this planet”
Do Nothing – I wrote this poem in April 2018. I was reminded of it when I was trying to make sense of my current unexpected blog break. My Kind WordPress friends, YOUR comments on this poem comforted and validated me, after 4 years now. Hope you enjoy it – on the image above or revisit on the linked title.
Life is gloriously flowing through me and I am simply Being – at times very raw and at times spacious freedom from shedding deeper identities. I feel very blessed for the opportunity of this lifetime and the abundance I am surrounded by, that I get to steep myself in when I choose to do nothing.
In the beginning, my mind rebelled against not delivering to my own expectations of a given day. Even while engaged in hands-on tasks of everyday life, I was inwardly pulled to the WordPress Space wanting to post my latest poetry, read yours, and engage in precious conversations that are the gift of this space. Each time I attempted to explain/inform of my unintended break, I as if entered a portal of stunning nothingness. Spirit questioned if my words were better than silence and silence became the choice.
The guidance was strong, I got steered away from all engagement. The mind went into a lot of chaos initially, collecting pieces of past, present, and future to make sense of. Once I steadied myself by allowing all that to pass through, a lot of truth that I was unwilling to accept became evident. The lies that I lived with, shook my now-reality into a fast spin. A lot of disintegration and reintegration seemed due.
This one was a transition similar to others, and it was also a different space of magical drift into nothingness. I wasn’t in a healing hole sliding down like in the past. I was feeling spacious, raw, getting renewed – I was immersed in the utter Beingness. There were waves of grief as I shed my past self, yet no tears, I was steady. Just Being present in the moment. There was no need for anything to be different, all sense of direction and aspiration suspended. There was a need for Slowness, amidst the Infinite waves of life. I often tend to pick up doubt in this way of being as much as I advocate it. I moved past that eventually.
There was a child-like joy with the knowing to make choices with lots of breathing space around for my intuition to be heard – for my reality and tasks to be structured differently than I was holding them – I gave myself renewed permission for taking the time to do one thing at one time, one day at a time, one week at a time with deep attention, with no sense of urgency or busyness. I was thrilled with the trust I felt in the Glorious Unkown, while Being in the wide-open spaciousness and tender vulnerability of the moment. The nature of Presence is such.
Be-come – This is a short post from December 2019 that Spirit guided me to, during this phase of Nothingness. It had conveyed the exact words as a reminder for my current self and yet again – my WordPress friends YOUR comments on it are an absolute treasure to return to. I humbly offer this post to you to revisit or if you are new to my space since then.
Even if it felt like Nothingness – some Infinite Living ways continued – I attended to every day needs of my family, at times hosted guests, had sacred conversations while facilitating my private students, completed my assignments as a full-time student & attended classes for my 4 year-long yoga therapist training. The list of what I allowed to fall off my day feels longer still as I have allowed myself the luxury of plenty of time. That’s where I am ready to receive guidance to make choices in powerful and playful ways. I am not giving up on anything I started, all that I have held in my intention with utmost love and gratitude.
“It is the Brave who can truly rest on this planet” – I am truly blessed and privileged for all that I am afforded – to dream and to live.
Dear WP friends – I look forward to visiting your blog space to find updates on your end that I have dearly missed. I sincerely hope you trust me when I say – my gratitude only deepens for this space with each passing day. It is very kind of you to allow and witness my inner process of living as you always do. My Presence, Slowness, Genuine Gratitude, Utmost Regard for you and your work, with Absolute Love and Humble Bow.
Don’t try to fix What you see as Weakness in me You might be Messing with What is actually Strength in me Authenticity & Vulnerability
I admire you For your boldness Don’t judge me For my softness That’s how I hold you too Just like how I like to be held Kind & Compassionately
The WordPress community has played an enormous role in my ability to express Spirit’s voice and share my honest message in the world. I am continually empowered to show up with authenticity and vulnerability. To be heard and received unconditionally is a luxury imagined and unimagined. I am dedicated to this journey of showing up, to listen to every calling – big and small. Each time we show up we break some known and unknown barriers within. So here’s ‘Me’ humbly showing up to meet you in utmost Gratitude, and a new sense of sovereignty.
A girl, a woman born with the essence of feminine grace and beauty. With innate qualities and potential for expression of what she can be, with the gifts she is born with.
When she dances to the rhythm of music she becomes her pure essence. When every fiber of her Being becomes a part of the symphony, she embodies the purity of the soul.
A girl, a woman, often since born on earth, has been caged in this mold, a way of living carved out for her, defined for her. Her role-play in this lifetime dictated to her as if in exchange for basic human needs of food, shelter, and clothing. The basic needs are met and she is trained to follow the rules of female existence.
This is from an age when her gender innocence is at its peak, she is barely a girl from a toddler. She is enrolled in a dance class to cultivate discipline. Not to allow her essence, her most beautiful expression of Being to bloom with her own unique fragrance, but just to learn a dance form. No public performance is allowed. Good girls don’t move their bodies this way in public, she is told, as she continues to mature.
The girl becomes a woman with a process of going through a shredder as if, separating her person into strips of ways of Being offered to different relations as designed and defined. She is a daughter of a family, daughter-in-law of another, keeping their smiles of approval beaming as long as she behaves in respectable ways.
One strip, the essence of that woman keeps fluttering in her face through life. It is her sense of being herself, a piece of that person wanting to be congruent within and not stripped off in so many ways. That strip has all the love and devotion towards her relations, yet wants the freedom to dance to her own rhythm, through life experiences of her own.
When this woman sets herself dancing to the music on stage, immerses herself in the realm of her own essence, her soul is set free to be herself. No name, no relations, no conditions, her gender evident only in the beauty, the grace, the art, the freedom that transcends all different ways of her being. This woman then captivates the audience as if in collective meditation, mesmerized and immersed in the rhythm of the soul.
Let us celebrate the awakening of this collective woman power in the uplifting of our human essence. Happy Women’s Day to all of you, those who identify with the gender, and others who support their journey!
Note: To me, She is based on my observation of so many sister-friends around, and the various ways of impact all of us have, from growing up in our particular culture. Do you recognize Her in someone you know from any of my descriptions?
P.S. This article was lying in my pile of unpublished drafts since 2017. It appeared in my mind today, as I was thinking about what do I want to share for this week’s blog post. I was delighted that this piece showed the willingness to go out into the world on International Women’s Day this year 🙂
I am very thrilled to share that 2 of my poems The Silent Warrior & The Beauty of Disruption are published in the new anthology edited by Anita Nahal – “Pixie Dust & All Things Magical: Global Poetry in English 2022”
I wrote “The Silent Warrior” in 2016, I have linked it above, I didn’t have as many blog friends visiting me back then 🙂 I wrote “The Beauty of Disruption” in 2017 and published it here in 2018. The conversations generated on it were deeply enriching and gratifying for me. I am choosing to share that poem again in this post, as a powerful reminder to myself too, knowing well it might be a repeat for some kind friends who were with me back then and have already read it. Perhaps you will enjoy the repeat.
Beauty of Disruption
When a surging flow of life seems to be disrupted, Because of an un-event that was unexpected, There is a space that is opened up for a rich listening in … To every message that has been missed out on.
When you become willing to pause in that space Deeply nourish yourself with simply being, Precious awareness of fulfilled desires starts unfolding. They may not feel the grandest dreams come true … If you look closely you will find Simple moments that were a dream for longest time.
Enjoy them, relish them … If you go in distress over the disrupt You shut yourself off from your own magical moments coming true. If you look closely you will find The very thing that disrupted your current momentum Has made space for something that you had earnestly yearned.
Receive it fully … Along with the faith that your current dream Is now on its way to you. If you look closely you will find The surge of momentum had actually affected your ability To receive some divine guidance with subtlety.
The surge worked to steer you strongly, The disruption worked to create space To help you settle in that direction, You now move ahead with your trust, faith and intentions Towards your dreams, desires and compulsions With the subtle guidance of your own knowing.
In the space created with the disruption there is richness of all that you have ever asked for. Receive, relish, nourish, and become ready For fresh beginnings in calmer tides of life.
Love is felt deep and love is felt light. It is felt in its absence and in presence. It is present whether you are aware or unaware. This is a story & journey of Love, how I discovered its true meaning, some of it through my own living and some from observing others. This is Love broken down to Basics.
This article initially titled “Love Broken Down to Basics” was published on this blog before in 2016, in a longer form. The topic has been very close to my heart, and I am absolutely thrilled to see it take a new form to be published on India Currents, a South Asian digital media magazine with the largest following in the United States.
Some long-term relationships have the security of commitment and complete trust. Those in such relations often feel saturated and locked in the roles they either choose for themselves or get defined to. Eventually, distress comes up …
Earth, Water, Sunshine And a lazy afternoon Are enough for some flowers to bloom. What needs have I made significant to not be in gloom?
I decided to show up ‘in person’ to share my lazy afternoon thoughts with you 🙂
I am watching myself, my compulsions, my almost obsessive needs that take me away from this abundant life given to me. Nothing a bit of sunshine on a winter afternoon can’t fix, and yet I seem to easily get back to being fixated on that one thing missing, that one kind of love from that one relation – making me feel like an imposter for all the joy of gratitude and greater Love that I keep sharing.
I am watching myself, with the same Love that I keep yearning to give others and be reciprocated with. The trick is, I have learned, to turn it all inward, pour it in oneself, for Love has to be directed inside-out. That is only how it radiates outward, pours out and changes the molecules in the air and the people interacting with you. I just sometimes wish it didn’t have to be that way, it is so painful when I have to love myself in those spaces where I am so adamant I don’t want to love myself, and yet I know how much I do love myself, and just this part of it, I want it exactly as I want it. You know what I mean?
Earth, Water, Sunshine And a lazy afternoon Are enough for some flowers to bloom. What needs have I made significant to not be in gloom?
I am so absolutely dissatisfied forever and yet have this absolute contentment in me for my life – How is it even working out?
I am greatly amused at this thought that I am pondering about.
There are days I wake up with such waves of desires and aspirations pulsating within – all I can do is hold myself in stillness so I can watch where the currents are taking me. Sometimes I marvel at the glimpses of possibilities shown to me and sometimes I scream silently “Just Let Me Be”
And then there are days that I wake up so clear and calm, an emptiness that is so full, a fullness of the magic of life currents and empty of the turmoil of living – all I can do is bask in the bliss of gratitude, looking around at all that seems like a dream come alive.
Drenched in the joy of the life of it all, I then become aware of those undercurrents stirring within – they are both kinds, of today’s blessings and tomorrow’s visions, carrying the yesterdays in their very womb. And I am in awe of this container I am – that holds it all.
I look back gratefully at all the grief that brought me to this joy, I look forward gratefully to all the more grief and joy waiting for me.
I am sensing that one thing that I am never looking back on and looking forward to – the fear that I used to live with. It was not the fear of particularly anything, it was just Fear, my forever friend, who strived to keep me safe. It was the primary emotion I woke up with for a long part of my life. I now affirm to thrive and have fear take appointments with me, for any important conversations that need to happen. After all we are old friends. (Just typing this brought up a tinge of fear in me – what if this is too much to ask? Thank you my friend – I hear you.)
I am so absolutely dissatisfied forever and yet have this absolute contentment in me for my life – How is it even working out? – Gloriously, I think. It is working out gloriously.