Ablaze with Truth

IMG_2118

‘ABLAZE’  – Photo by Manish Doshi

 

It is a visceral feeling.
The emotion of anger.
It feels like an old one. It is so physical as if ablaze.
That block, the lead block right on the core of my heart, it is heavily burrowing down. Into the deep abyss of my being.
Get it offf now!

I am angry. I am angry about smiling through it all …all these years.
I am angry that I had such positivity. ..all these years.
I am angry I had so much love and the need for love in me that I overlooked and even enjoyed this same thing.
I am angry that I wasn’t angry the first time this happened.

I am speaking the truth regarding this for the first time.
The truth that I had no idea of. The truth that was buried deep down to fulfill my other needs.
That’s it.
It has been my choice all along. To smile through it. To keep finding what is right in it. To hold it in my pot of love.

Today it is me who has changed.
It is me who has become aware of my hidden truth.

I am actually ablaze with this revelation.
With no skill whatsoever to contain it and express it, it has come as anger.

It is still visceral …yet it has changed.
The blaze has softened. I have finally seen it and honored it for what it is.
The iron block on my heart, still there.
It is so much of grief and guilt over my unskilled expression of my truth.
My assumption that it is wrong to feel this anger. That it is wrong to feel this bad, about something I accepted as normal, all my life.

Awakening to my own truth and suddenly choosing it and living it, is a very raw experience.
As if a rebirth into another person.
Definitely an unexpected guest, often an unpleasant one, in the lives of those accustomed to my smiling through it.
I decide to accept my anger for what it is.
I give myself permission to feel the human emotion of anger.

It came as a visceral wave of awakening and it has passed.
I am left with this heavy brick on my heart
I pour love for myself. Hold myself with compassion.

It is amazing to physically feel the brick soften.
And now melt and diffuse.
I feel space. I feel a soft strength.
There is a freshness in the way of my being.
There is a quiet quiet space of being.
Soothing and healing and forgiving.
I will stay immersed in this silence today.

 

P.S. This post is a contribution to ForgivingFridays of dear blogger Debbie. My wish is of self healing and forgiving through the process of becoming aware of our own Truth.

This post was originally published at This Glorious Mess on Medium

Advertisements

Silent Reflection

MirrorLakeRock

Photograph by Pragalbha Doshi

This silence
This silence today
It is a rich one

This silence
This silence in this moment
It is full

This silence
This silence right now
It is empty

This silence
This silence quiet
It is a new one

Heart feels to the brim
Soul seeks nothing
Wisdom knows, this is no whim

My existence wants to stay still
Not reaching nor releasing
Words any don’t suffice or fulfill

All lessons learned until
Are to be made into living
There is no sense of striving

Being with myself isn’t excruciating
Yet this silence is something
That would want to unload some desiring

This silence
This silence today
It is revealing

There is indeed
A contentment underneath
A clarity from without and within

Top Writer in Inspiration

Congratulations! You are now a top writer in Inspiration
Great Work! Pragalbha Doshi

Today I received an email from Medium that said exactly the words above! 🙂

The title of this post is a seed I am sowing. In this rich fertile land of readers and writers alike. This seed is now ready to flourish and grow beyond it’s own knowing of it’s own potential.

I am now ready to receive the BEcoming of this title. The ‘Top’ …I am not sure what it means. The ‘Writer’ I will always BE, because I have a lot to say to humanity. The ‘Inspiration’ is what I want to be in the essence of my Being. I always wanted to be …I chose to be a yoga teacher for that simple reason. To create a difference in the way we live life …from the root level, live for and with a sense of wellbeing.

For a length of time I treated myself and my writings as happy accidents, and all appreciation on my work as happier accidents. I mostly felt only gratitude and sometimes overwhelmingly so. I have also felt as if I am not sure how long this will keep going.

When I first began sharing my writings, they felt like a huge act of courage. Like opening up the inner workings of my brain to the world … wide open to be seen. And I was very pleasantly surprised to receive only kindness, acceptance and love in this space. The true regard for spoken word and the validation nourished me.

I found encouragement, motivation and inspiration in this space, sometimes to the point of cracking myself open through my own resistance.

Along with tremendous gratitude to all and those of you who contributed to me in these powerful ways …I post this title with a resolve within myself.

A resolve to Be myself and do all that it takes to begin the cycle of courage all over again.  To be willing to open up with deeper levels of my brain’s working. To lay everything out there like never before …and just like before.

You, my friends and readers have helped me soften the edge of what it feels like courage. I receive and embrace ‘Top Writer in Inspiration” with a sense of lightness now. I exactly know how it unfolds. I will simply keep writing with all my heart …all the truths of myself and my being. The seed is sown in good soil. It is nourished and will keep thriving!

My friends, I look forward to witnessing and nourishing our journeys together!

 

When innocence thinks deep

Last year I had posted the following from my then 10 year old son: His innocent reflection on his journey of acceptance about being the shortest around, for his age.

https://pragalbhadoshi.wordpress.com/2016/04/28/tall-small/

This week he said to me “Mom, I have 3 poems that I have written on some of my experiences. Can I have my own blog site to publish them?” I promised him that for now I would publish them on my site. If you have any thoughts on his work, please let him know 🙂

Work!
Do you really have so much work

Or do you just feel you have too much work

Do you have so much work

Or are you fooling around with mirth.

 

Do you really have so much work

Or are you just going with a quirk

Did you ever have too much work

Or do you just at your desk lurk

 

Do you wish you didn’t have any work

And just acting like a jerk

 

Don’t worry about how much

Keep focus and work as much

Don’t bother or struggle as such

Just be done and play as much
————————————————————-

Think good!

When you think about something bad
You might just feel very sad
When you don’t think about something good
You won’t be in a good mood.

If you think that it’s sad
You might get really mad
If you think of something that’s great
You might have a better fate.

 When you always think bad
You may not be known as a good lad
If you think that it will be good
It probably surely would.

————————————————————

 

 Fun time?

When you’re doing something fun

You don’t want to be done

When you’re doing something boring

You would rather be snoring.

 

When you’re doing something fun

You can’t tell when you should be done

When you’re doing something you don’t enjoy

Your time just doesn’t go by

 

When you’re doing something you like

It feels like you’re riding a bike

When you don’t feel like doing something

It feels better to go take a hike

_ By Sanved Doshi, 11 yrs.

 

 

P.S. Sanved is very happy to make this post a contribution to ForgivingFridays, a wonderful blog by dear Debbie.