Don’t be disappointed If someone doesn’t understand you
Just don’t go looking for milk In a hardware store! (~unknown)
P.S. Dear WP friends, on this lighter note, I am taking a blog break for the month of September …to go to all hardware stores… oh no, not really 🙂 …actually to spend time reintegrating myself, reorganizing life, spending time with family, do some housekeeping around the blogsite. I will perhaps not be able to stay completely away, so might come visit your work every now and then 🙂 Infinite gratitude for your support for Infinite Living.
Note: I had used the quote above in my post on May 30, 2017. It felt good to go on this break with it. I look forward to coming back regrouped and refreshed, perhaps hoping to have touched upon some spaces of lightness and fun!
Growing up around a lot of extended family and friends who were more affluent than my family was, I never really had envy. It was a matter of fact for me that you have some things that I don’t. I remember once a cousin who owned all the latest CDs, excitedly sharing with me about it, apologized to me “oh I didn’t know, I am so sorry you don’t have a CD player.” As if I lacked a family member, I thought. I just responded “Why sorry, I just don’t have a CD player.” I think I simply enjoyed the feeling of abundance they enjoyed and was very much interested in their life. I can have all that some day I imagined and yet never really prioritized having ‘things’ in my life.
What I craved was people, authentic people. I looked for genuine care and unconditional love, and struggled to fit in, wherever I went. I didn’t know that though. So I envied the confidence in people. Often being affluent made people more confident in the world – like they owned the world in some ways I didn’t. I mistook it as something being wrong with me. It didn’t cross my mind that money made the difference. They kept showing the riches to me, I kept looking at it and saying to myself “yes but I want to become like you, be more confident in being myself”
I was amused to realize that my life long quest of living as authentically as possible, has this root in my envy for confident people and those with artistic abilities. That is how I discovered that what I think of envy is actually my admiration for people who can express themselves in ways I can only dream of.
My honesty and vulnerability in my quest for authenticity was repeatedly taken for my weakness, and that became a further blow to my confidence. I am emerging from that too. I have nothing to prove to anyone as much as I owe to myself, the gift of being myself. This is one journey that I have mastered very well and yet always be a beginner forever on the way. I have discovered that I can be way more courageous than just confident.
I love and admire people who have what I don’t have in me yet. I keep learning to love myself more and more with all my perceived shortcomings. It gives me a renewed taste of newfound freedom continually.
I wished to highlight these lines above from my previous post as a reminder to myself for everywhere I am not living this in every fiber of my being. I am committed to waking up with more love and freedom in being myself for the rest of my life. I also know that I will have days when I falter and slide away from this commitment, and wake up in judgment and fear instead. I feel immense gratitude for being in association with those who model greater faith, trust, capacity, resilience and joy of living and being alive. They fill my day and life with abundance and blessings. I get to borrow from them what I might wake up lacking for the day. I consciously practice filling my cup and then rejoice in gratitude when I can be a channel of support to others.
I think it is ok not to smile Especially when Your cheeks are hurting From all the years of being nice
I think it is important to smile Especially when You now finally know How to be nice to yourself
I had made a post of similar theme in the past. I converted the short verse titled True Smile posted on Feb 2, 2018 into the image below:
The numbness that we wear, in order to always smile Choosing not to feel the pain, with that practiced smile It is liberating to experience all there is, and not smile For the true joys of life do not necessitate that we smile One that comes from the heart and eyes is a true smile
Always grateful for your time and attention. The first image is what came fresh to me today and the verse in the second image reminds me of the cyclical nature of how these lessons and inspiration keep repeating to us in different ways. Look forward to knowing which one spoke to you better or what specifically.
I thought of meeting you face to face to share my happiness of this book that I am holding :)) Some of my poetry is published as part of this collection, alongside poetry from some amazing poets that I have come to admire and adore for their absolutely magical art of words. It is available on Amazon for download on Kindle here for $0.99. Do check it out to see its description and if it interests you.
And in another little celebration and I am thrilled to share with you that an article of mine was selected by a community media platform India Currents to be published as part of their January theme – Renewal : You and the World around You. I chose to focus on my favorite topic, you can read it here: Step Into the New… You. I would love to know your thoughts on it.
Heartfelt Gratitude for all your support, reading and meaningful interactions that has afforded me tremendous growth as a person and this journey with words as a writer. It is more like pouring these surges of expression that come and what a privilege to be read and received! These tiny expansions of publishing in the outer world are a spillover of all the love in this inner world of WP where I first dipped my toes and then kept swimming in this world of writing and sharing.
I used to remain small to keep others comfortable They did console themselves that I am nobody big
I am nobody big I am no small either
There is a big difference…
I wish us all to continue to live with the truth of our being, with courage and compassion in relation to each other. I found this in the corners of my old drafts, while I was looking for something else. I enjoyed reading it back to myself and thought I should share it 🙂
Those who seem to be happy all the time Don’t judge them or take them for granted. Often they have taken deep dives into grief or depression. They have somehow managed not to drown and that’s why the smile.
Those who think & act from the heart Don’t try to fix them, it is not a weakness. Often they are being their own version of strength. They are somehow trying not to hurt anyone and that’s why the tears.
What if we actually live all that we have been feeling & made guilty of? Instead of forever trying to keep living & convincing otherwise? Where else does this question seem relevant to you?
If you manipulate your way in changing the other person in a relationship, you will not feel the joy when that change comes. The thrill will go away quickly and the change won’t last.
If you manipulate your way of being in a relationship, the other person will reflect back the changes in you in the most beautiful way. This is a slow process of skillful transformation. Everything changes. You get to keep the authentic relation forever or let go. Let go of the expectation or sometimes the relation itself. You experience the most peaceful joy. It comes from finding yourself, discovering how you relate to yourself and strengthening that bond first.
It is our patterns that shape our relations. Let go of the blame of how people distanced from you. It is important to address what is the pattern in you, and what addiction of yours were they serving? Validation, approval, connection, filling up some emptiness – what is it that you were needing?
In the space that is consciously created, the real ones always stay or return. Because you returned back to yourself and allowed them to find themselves.
No judgment, all compassion, kindness and love, for oneself and others. All healthy boundaries.
P.S. 2020 became the year of deep reflection for how I relate to myself and others, seeking another level of balance in my personal spiritual journey and authentic relations. The nature of some family, society and worldly relations managed to create dissonance while also refining my appreciation for simple happy times with my immediate family.
If you feel inclined here are some of my other posts on relationships from different times. I appreciate all thought processes shared on my posts. All exchanges of perspectives are a growth for all.
I had a conversation today, with someone from another state, who called to let me know that they were reminded of reading this poem from me and went looking for it. They told me that this poem is feeling so relevant and practical in their experience right now. We discussed how necessary yet tricky it can be to actually apply the idea of this poem in our lives.
My heart feels so happy and grateful to share it again with all of you today! This poem was originally published on March 1, 2016 Someone actually went back to look for it because they remembered what it said!! I wanted to bring it back for my new friends and readers here 🙂
Drama wanting to be shared With anyone who even slightly cared
Boredom is the mother Of looking for another Who would give a nod To the story that we weave As truth what we believe
More than one head shaking together Feels great to find a smile As we walk the mile
Use it though like a condiment Added to your own recipe of a journey As a tasteful and powerful complement
If used as an escape It only adds more trauma to the drama If used as entertainment Leads certainly to disappointment
Get to know the blank The space of lonesome boredom From where all drama arises often Helps you isolate trauma in exclusion
Now you can choose what to play Really feel the pulse of your character Now you become the co-writer Enjoy all the drama for what you care Choose the audience with whom to share
It is your show The more and more you let go It is your show The more you contribute to the flow It is your show Take time to really know The characters you allow To be part of your show
The choice may not be in some characters The choice is then actually in your role In all the drama you want to share With the ones who would really care