The electric Truth

There are some days when
I reach for my electric blue eyeliner
Or sometimes my bright red lipstick
I feel that either of those would make me happy today

And they do!
Once I am done wearing them though
I cannot really see either for myself.
What really makes the difference then?

I suppose so it is with the Choice of living your Truth
Every single day, every single moment
Once you are done choosing them
You don’t see the difference for yourself …

P.S. – I have no idea what category to put this in …it doesn’t feel like prose, nothing rhymes and it is definitely more than few lines …I am going ahead with the category of rhymes for now, as the thought felt rhyming to me but the words didn’t. What do you think?

Times that become the year

img_2723MyFamilyChristmasMorningGratitude2016DeathValleySandDunesCalifornia

Gratitude 2016
For the rich, sometimes dark
The perfect roast of aliveness
(Are you talking of my coffee?
Asked a curious good friend
Adding a touch of funny sweetness)
For the amazing, sometimes confusing
All of them the beautiful times

Gratitude 2016
For the moments of laughter precious
Tears that washed away the vicious
Anger, sadness, agony too, I admit
For the endurance through it all, a gift
For the people I can only begin to list

Gratitude 2016
For all the sortin’ and the siftin’
Of all my wishes for the coming 17
Wishes of some conquests and quests
Of finding rest in best of self
And the best in slowness and rests
Heights of glory in mind & beyond mind
Happiness and joys of true kind

Gratitude in advance 2017
For everything I know will be fulfilled
That’s the faith I got from ’16
Ask, dream, believe, it comes
Cherish, relish, receive when it does come

All of you who touched me
With your kind presence or energy
Of your words, wishes, thoughts & gesture
No difference to me real world or virtual
I hold all of you in my intention & asking
To find peace and love and infinite living
In the year of 2017

Now what do you do? …

Now do you laugh or cry?
When the one who sat with your sigh
While your times were crappy
That someone as if can’t stand you
When you are now happy

Now do you hurt or smile?
When someone visited with you
As if when you were dying
That someone acts as if shocked you are living

Now do you stay or let go?
Someone stayed (or played) with you
When helpless in sorrowful strive
And now denies you exist even so
As if unable to see you thrive …

Life itself or a dream …

Life is either a dream
Or this a dream come true
We talked about this, ago a decade
Comes true, milestone as we celebrate
Silent Stay Retreat though the name
Heartful conversations part of our game
Lounging under the sky and the moon
Soaking in the rain, silence of the meditation room,
Hammocks, happiness, gifts of gratitude
Expansive views, long walks on trails
Thoughts and ideas from heart set sail
Blissed and blessed
May the memories serve when stressed
Life is either a dream
Or this a dream come true.

A dear friend and I talked since long about taking time out from being busy moms, for a weekend retreat, to nourish the infinite beings in us. That dream came true to celebrate our soon approaching birthdays, not far apart 🙂 Infinite gratitude for this time to come to us, sooner than we imagined possible!

How are you?

I significantly remember the question ‘How are you?’ after moving to the USA. This question has been on a journey and evolution of it’s own. It’s relevance, in what it means to me, has changed tremendously over the years.

One of the stark experiences of coming to US from India, was the contrast in the experience of going for a walk  here. While a way had to be carved amongst hurried humans on the streets of Mumbai, here the way was all to myself. The sight of a fellow human being  on foot felt most thrilling. Soon I realized that eye contact elicited the question ‘How are you?’ After first few times of an awkward nod-&-smile, I learned that ‘good’ is the preferred answer unlike ‘fine’ in India. Also a following ‘thank you’ made a complete answer. I quickly learned to ask that question now to whoever I crossed path with. I was very amused at the first ‘Not too bad’ reply. Now there was an element of truth to it …I liked that!

Truth be told the question didn’t mean anything to me …it confused me about how can it be a form of greeting to anyone …it felt pretty superficial to me. A question for which an answer was already decided. Being in a new country and being impacted by everything in a brand new way, I admit I had blocked off all feelings except for a sense of wonder for how things operated here. I had no clue how I felt for a ‘How are you?’

Fast forward to a phase of life when I dealt with a health crisis. I truly discovered the value of the question ‘How are you?’ Especially in social circles and acquaintances the question came only from those who really wanted to know. It made a huge difference in my day and life when someone asked me ‘How are you?’ and actually listened. They indulged with me in my lighthearted attempts at humor and reveled in my positive perspectives. Sometimes they let me unload when I was feeling down, lending me their perspectives of how all of it is going to work out all right 🙂 I think I would remember a few ‘How are you?’ encounters during that phase for the rest of my life …

In a ‘regular’ life and world now, I am once again getting uncomfortable with that question. Because now I care too much about that question and the answer. It’s relevance does keep changing depending on who is asking and when. But there is only certain number of times that I have the ‘patience’ to have the answer to that question in a word or two …outside of any professional setting.

One of my yoga teachers introduced this concept of asking ‘How is your heart?’ that truly speaks to me. We often carry within us a feeling in our heart …we feel it tangibly, a heaviness, a block of iron, a hole, an emptiness … it is directly connected to the way we are feeling and being in our being. To answer a ‘good’ while carrying all that within …repeatedly …brings a lot of tediousness, fakeness and more of whatever you are lugging within you. Of course it gets easier when what you are carrying is more of a spaciousness and lightness …

We are social animals for the significant reason that we are together in this. So we connect, we share, laugh and lighten up together. If we are using these opportunities only to deny what we are carrying within …we are denying ourselves the richness of human connection. There is different media used for communication like phone and text, besides personal encounters. With all kinds of time consuming routines that most of us have dedicated to, it has become very important to me that I truly get to answer a ‘How are you?’ to a friend. Also if I am taking the time to ask you ‘How are you?’ I really mean to know from you. Anything that is relevant to you at that time …whether you are excited about your new project, slightly or more worried or stressed at work, busy sorting some family stuff …anything …if you are a friend or anything more than just a professional contact to me …then I care to know. If you ask me ‘How are you?’ it is my heart that wants to speak to you more than the mannerly conditioned human in me.

Let us create a web of connections heart to heart that we can dangle and tangle in … where we feel safe to untangle the knots in our belly and lighten the iron blocks in our heart. Where we are unafraid to be our vulnerable, authentic selves …where our woes are cared for and hearts are nurtured, there need not be any pretense of positivity. We feel what we feel. Let us live together in wonderment of life itself …does it matter whether we laugh or cry or speak our heart as a response to a thoughtful ‘How are you?’

Funny thing is that now I feel so lost at a ‘How are you?’ casually thrown at me…I almost want to say …’I have no idea in the moment’ …because the heart feels a lot. 🙂

The oft relentless meloncholy

How much more can I do this?
What?
Life and Living and Being
What can I do with it?
What?
Life and Living and Being
What’s the purpose of this?
What?
Life and Living and Being
Where am I going with this?
What?
Life and Living and Being

What could be more fun today?
Work or rest or play?
What would I choose, if I may?
What is right from wrong anyway?

What would make this less trying?
What?
Life and Living and Being
What’s the meaning of all the laughing and crying?
Life and Living and Being
What do I really want with all this craving?
Life and Living and Being
What would make this less like braving?
Life and Living and Being and Loving

What if that still leaves me longing?
Oh that’s the common kinda not-getting
What?
Life and Living and Being and Self-loving
Oh what about wanting to belonging?
That’s what universally everyone’s seeking

So What?

Life and Living and Being and Loving
As if the whole Universe is your belonging
Conditional is what is longing
Unconditional is what is belonging
One feels like it’s clogging
Other feels like forever flowing

What?

Life and Living and Being and Loving
Live as if not knowing
Love as if all knowing
Life as you are Living and Being …