The arches are welcoming, and yet the path isn’t clear
A Welcoming of Life Into Itself a path inviting into the Unknown
New trees growing out of old fallen trunks
A Newness that sprouts Out of that certain Deadness something within not giving up
An unusual patch of brightness along the dark dense trail
A Brightness that spreads From Grounds of Silence a quiet glow can’t be missed
And yet The Wait is Forever Unluxurious
The Forest Within is crowded yet clear at the same time
These glimpses from my solo walk along this trail in November of 2022 – stirred inside me some exact feelings to come alive. The forest within doesn’t feel as crowded anymore by now.
My Beloved WP Community Friends – I have this deep overwhelming joy as I return to this space, a moving gratitude for finally being led to return to my birthplace as if, after a brilliant yet humbling voyage of life that I wandered off into – always looking back here over the shoulders, not wanting to leave ever.
I left here after “Lingering on the Rim” and the poem I share with you today urged me to come back to my center here:
For it has been a decade since my entire existence was cracked open to the insanity of living unskilled with my raw spirit.
A decade ago began a series of my own personal deaths
A decade after begin a series of my own personal rebirths
A decade whole a series of oceanic churnings
Stillness at depths Turmoils at surface Redefining coastlines for where the water meets the shore
Dipping the toes not an option The ocean devoured me whole
‘Tis a mystery Yet I see clearly Why I still hover between two worlds
Witnessing the mind rain in the darkness Spirit drinking it up with stilling starkness
I am left dancing in the vivid rhythms in between ‘Tis is yet only the spine moved with my breathing
In this moment – A decade ago and this decade after and the decade from now All merged into one bolt of lightning across the sky of my earthly existing
Pray my spine can sustain the brilliance of the bolt as it traverses my earthly time
Photo of lightning bolts byVidur Sahdev of VerseInEmotion– thank you for letting me borrow it to go with my poem, it fits perfectly. Their poetry & mine have been conversing coherently for years now – do visit this beautiful poetry blog, if you would enjoy one more.
I want to visit with all of you, all at once!!! Please catch my beaming heart smile as I wander around old streets, making my way to each one of you. Perhaps help me by leaving a link in the comments for where you would like me to visit first, and not miss an update or a favorite from you. It has been 10 months … I offer this poem above to you, to celebrate my decade, to begin with.
Photo: Manish Doshi, Oceanside Labyrinth in Maui, Hawaii “Am I at the Center or am I at the Rim?”
Experiences on a continuum, spirally back at deeper levels alive, raw, intense Much greater trust each time around
We keep doing this continually, push the edges towards authenticity while keeping the peace, protecting our sensitivity, our strength misunderstood. It is often awful yet so so stunning how we keep going.
After digging deep now sitting on the rim of another level of depth, enjoying the breeze, holding the expanse above in my awareness, there is no turning back. Right here right now being on this planet, breathing new life into every sense of Being, Knowing, and Perceiving.
Fear and I play peekaboo, not wanting the encounter when I venture to dig deeper seeking a calm quiet inspiration to be led, through it all. Enjoying the gifts of where I am, which may be over this very moment or may linger on for a bit more.
Today I wish to give a special mention to 2 blogger friends “The Chatter Blog” & “Dreamwalker’s Sanctuary” They are a tremendous positive inspiration and influence on my trajectory of writing and being through life experiences, since the beginning of my blog journey. The above poem is a confluence of my responses to their posts. If you haven’t yet visited their work, please do.
Do you see the perfect reflection in the seemingly chaotic Nature? Photo by myself
There is a conflicting perception of what is real and what is fake while navigating relationships that are unaware of your inner journey or outright deny your feelings as invalid. They approve only what fits in their world and make what comes from your heart invisible.
They want you to be assured of their love – the one that lies behind their everyday expressions of negativity, sarcasm, facade – the life of only upholding the structures given to them and those that you are required to inherit.
Your invitation to actually care for each other with genuine words and thoughtful gestures rejected as naive. All actions are transactions for how we need each other in times of need – all needs that translate into the Doing aspects not really actually Being there for each other without requiring you to be any different
All your initiatives of heartfelt love are seen as your need for their support when you might need it the next time, and not for the love itself.
There is no receiving, gratitude, or reciprocity, only need, indebtedness, and duty. A made up love and made up relations that we commit and adhere to.
The condition is also that your love has to be contained for this family setting only any expression towards outsiders is foolish or unrequired, unless only exactly as defined by them.
Love and kindness are good in words until you try and implement them – that’s when they want to fix you, to become worldsmart, to play the power games, to lend them your energy and kindness-laden words to bring them the results of their agenda.
Beyond that, they have no trust or allowance for you acting on those words and extending that heartfelt kindness to someone, they don’t approve of.
They want you to get over your mushy heart that cried with hurting from the lack of integrity when expected to conform to feel a part of family You just don’t and won’t agree with hating someone when expected to hate because you are family
And you will get hurt repeatedly when they only insist on having unconscious conversations and otherwise, make you invisible for who you really are Your real conversations – reserve them for those showing up in your Universal Family
Getting past this need for nourishing family relations, standing up for being yourself, holding compassion for what they bring as love and life, not feeling like a fake when speaking their language limited to how we relate – these are the many painful rebirthing parts of the process.
Acutely aware of your inner body the rumble of fear in your belly a holding up in shoulders & your being having to affirm to yourself of the safety, trust, and love available to you
Nourish your inner self with your own love. Invite the ability to be with yourself with comfort and ease Allow the capacity for gratitude For they are exactly who assisted your life journey into this deeper yearning and more expansive Love of your Being the kind which still holds all of them with Love.
Don’t try to fix What you see as Weakness in me You might be Messing with What is actually Strength in me Authenticity & Vulnerability
I admire you For your boldness Don’t judge me For my softness That’s how I hold you too Just like how I like to be held Kind & Compassionately
The WordPress community has played an enormous role in my ability to express Spirit’s voice and share my honest message in the world. I am continually empowered to show up with authenticity and vulnerability. To be heard and received unconditionally is a luxury imagined and unimagined. I am dedicated to this journey of showing up, to listen to every calling – big and small. Each time we show up we break some known and unknown barriers within. So here’s ‘Me’ humbly showing up to meet you in utmost Gratitude, and a new sense of sovereignty.
It was in the middle of the night. First came these words: Love Freedom Raw Empty Joy Full
Then they got filled this way: Love for myself Freedom for myself Raw renewal Empty of you Joy of being Full with myself To become Empty again To Love To Serve
Stripped off of relations Finding myself whole Filling up all the holes
Then what looked like a poem took a different form for the image above today.
Do the 2 forms of the poem feel different in meaning and sentiment to you? I am not sure exactly but the words changed form for the aesthetics and they feel different to me. The original poem was ‘Self-centered’ with the ‘joy of being full with myself and empty of you’. The image made it more spirit-related, and empty in general. Somehow I was ok with how all of this wanted to be. Do you have any thoughts?
This journey I feel is not against any one, and for everyone. The world that I walk out in often feels like an alternate reality. What is real is underneath all that we actually see. The shortest way to describe it is Love. Because it is a feeling experience…
I am very thrilled to share that 2 of my poems The Silent Warrior & The Beauty of Disruption are published in the new anthology edited by Anita Nahal – “Pixie Dust & All Things Magical: Global Poetry in English 2022”
I wrote “The Silent Warrior” in 2016, I have linked it above, I didn’t have as many blog friends visiting me back then 🙂 I wrote “The Beauty of Disruption” in 2017 and published it here in 2018. The conversations generated on it were deeply enriching and gratifying for me. I am choosing to share that poem again in this post, as a powerful reminder to myself too, knowing well it might be a repeat for some kind friends who were with me back then and have already read it. Perhaps you will enjoy the repeat.
Beauty of Disruption
Photo by Myself
When a surging flow of life seems to be disrupted, Because of an un-event that was unexpected, There is a space that is opened up for a rich listening in … To every message that has been missed out on.
When you become willing to pause in that space Deeply nourish yourself with simply being, Precious awareness of fulfilled desires starts unfolding. They may not feel the grandest dreams come true … If you look closely you will find Simple moments that were a dream for longest time.
Enjoy them, relish them … If you go in distress over the disrupt You shut yourself off from your own magical moments coming true. If you look closely you will find The very thing that disrupted your current momentum Has made space for something that you had earnestly yearned.
Receive it fully … Along with the faith that your current dream Is now on its way to you. If you look closely you will find The surge of momentum had actually affected your ability To receive some divine guidance with subtlety.
The surge worked to steer you strongly, The disruption worked to create space To help you settle in that direction, You now move ahead with your trust, faith and intentions Towards your dreams, desires and compulsions With the subtle guidance of your own knowing.
In the space created with the disruption there is richness of all that you have ever asked for. Receive, relish, nourish, and become ready For fresh beginnings in calmer tides of life.
I am deeply overjoyed to share this poem, the first to be published today on MasticadoresUsa. I offer my utmost gratitude to Editor and #1 Amazon Bestseller Author Gabriela Marie Milton for finding my poem worthy of their platform.
The Earth of my Being as if is splitting into parts yet again
Dry lands of my emotions as if fueling Fires of my thoughts
Wildfires spreading no tears raining : : Please go here to read the complete poem. It is an honor and a privilege that you would take the time! Thank You. Thank You. Thank You :)))
When suggestions are heard as criticism Followed by gaslighting & defensivism Criticism could be offered as suggestions Followed by choice for personal decisions It is often effective To speak in languages native To all that internal wiring Sparks that have grown old & tiring Need a lot of space for nurturing The grounds of self-loving & caring
My internal dialog when this came up to be posted for this week: “Really is this what you want to post? You have better thoughts, better words, better works to share! This?” Am I sensing judgment for what truly came out of nowhere and is clearly asking to be the one today?: “Well, does it even make sense?” “I think so… hope so…it is written and ready to go!” So here it is. I don’t know why but this needed to go today from my universe into yours. I would be humbled to know if it spoke or made sense to you.
Photo of me lounging on our beloved planet by Manish Doshi at Death Valley NP, California
The words on the picture above formed a short post Your Choice, published on April 30, 2017.
While I was thinking for a picture to pair with the poem Love Warrior, the above came to mind, along with wanting to add words from the older post to make it into a word image. I am shaking my head to myself over this compulsion I am feeling, to combine various elements to a post instead of just sharing the poem I intended to. Perhaps they are slightly different flavors of Love Warrior. I hope you enjoy the expressions of this phase I am going through.
Love warrior Made Unseen Unfelt Unnoticed After being Seen Felt Noticed
Love Warrior Not Victim Yet Victim From Heart assaulted Ignored Gaslighted
Love Warrior Taking space Humbly Courageously Vulnerably Still looked down By those Taking space Boldly Unapologetically Powerfully
Love Warrior At war within Without enough Self Love Wary from Letting go Expectations of Natural reciprocity Even from those Placed in rolesof Nurturing tender hearts And failed to deliver
Love Warrior Daring to be so alone No complacency For want of company Often doubting sanity Counting blessings Cultivating Gratitude Choosing Love
Love Warrior Colored leaf Drifting Through space Finding Ground Becoming One With Earth Finding And receiving Divine reciprocity
Love Warrior Becoming the Ground For bold ones standing their ground Holding space For unapologetics to walk upon Lending strength For the powerful to use From the subtle Power of Humble Courage And vulnerability
Love Warrior Often Invisible Being The ground And space The embrace They themselves Yearn for
Photo by Manish Doshi at Death Valley NP, California
Note to dear blog friends: I have become slower in my visits to your blogs, I still treasure my visits to read you work the same, I will keep doing so, just going through shifts in routine.
Infinite Living 