Lingering on the Rim

Photo: Manish Doshi, Oceanside Labyrinth in Maui, Hawaii “Am I at the Center or am I at the Rim?”

Experiences on a continuum,
spirally back at deeper levels
alive, raw, intense
Much greater trust
each time around

We keep
doing this
continually,
push the edges
towards authenticity
while keeping the peace,
protecting our sensitivity,
our strength misunderstood.
It is often awful
yet so so stunning
how we keep going.

After digging deep
now sitting on the rim
of another level of depth,
enjoying the breeze,
holding the expanse above
in my awareness,
there is no turning back.
Right here right now
being on this planet,
breathing new life
into every sense of
Being, Knowing, and Perceiving.

Fear and I play peekaboo,
not wanting the encounter
when I venture to dig deeper
seeking a calm quiet inspiration
to be led,
through it all.
Enjoying the gifts
of where I am,
which may be over
this very moment
or may linger on
for a bit more.

Today I wish to give a special mention to 2 blogger friends “The Chatter Blog” & “Dreamwalker’s Sanctuary” They are a tremendous positive inspiration and influence on my trajectory of writing and being through life experiences, since the beginning of my blog journey. The above poem is a confluence of my responses to their posts. If you haven’t yet visited their work, please do.

And Sometimes the Significance of Family is Overrated…

Do you see the perfect reflection in the seemingly chaotic Nature? Photo by myself

There is a conflicting perception
of what is real and what is fake
while navigating relationships
that are unaware of your inner journey
or outright deny your feelings as invalid.
They approve only what fits in their world
and make what comes from your heart invisible.

They want you to be assured of their love –
the one that lies behind
their everyday expressions
of negativity, sarcasm, facade
– the life of only upholding the structures
given to them and those
that you are required to inherit.

Your invitation to actually care
for each other with genuine words
and thoughtful gestures
rejected as naive.
All actions are transactions
for how we need each other in times of need –
all needs that translate into the Doing aspects
not really actually Being there for each other
without requiring you to be any different

All your initiatives of heartfelt love
are seen as your need for their support
when you might need it the next time,
and not for the love itself.

There is no receiving, gratitude, or reciprocity,
only need, indebtedness, and duty.
A made up love and made up relations
that we commit and adhere to.

The condition is also that your love
has to be contained for this family setting only
any expression towards outsiders is foolish or unrequired,
unless only exactly as defined by them.

Love and kindness are good in words
until you try and implement them
– that’s when they want to fix you,
to become worldsmart,
to play the power games,
to lend them your energy
and kindness-laden words
to bring them the results of their agenda.

Beyond that, they have no trust
or allowance for you acting on those words
and extending that heartfelt kindness
to someone, they don’t approve of.

They want you to get over
your mushy heart
that cried with hurting
from the lack of integrity
when expected to conform
to feel a part of family
You just don’t and won’t agree
with hating someone
when expected to hate
because you are family

And you will get hurt repeatedly
when they only insist on having
unconscious conversations
and otherwise, make you invisible
for who you really are
Your real conversations –
reserve them for those
showing up in
your Universal Family

Getting past this need
for nourishing family relations,
standing up for being yourself,
holding compassion
for what they bring as love and life,
not feeling like a fake
when speaking their language
limited to how we relate
– these are the many painful
rebirthing parts of the process.

Acutely aware of your inner body
the rumble of fear in your belly
a holding up in shoulders & your being
having to affirm to yourself
of the safety, trust, and love
available to you

Nourish your inner self with your own love.
Invite the ability to be with yourself
with comfort and ease
Allow the capacity for gratitude
For they are exactly who
assisted your life journey
into this deeper yearning
and more expansive
Love of your Being
the kind which still
holds all of them
with
Love.

Me

Don’t try to fix
What you see as
Weakness in me
You might be
Messing with
What is actually
Strength in me
Authenticity & Vulnerability

I admire you
For your boldness
Don’t judge me
For my softness
That’s how
I hold you too
Just like how
I like to be held
Kind & Compassionately

The WordPress community has played an enormous role in my ability to express Spirit’s voice and share my honest message in the world. I am continually empowered to show up with authenticity and vulnerability. To be heard and received unconditionally is a luxury imagined and unimagined. I am dedicated to this journey of showing up, to listen to every calling – big and small. Each time we show up we break some known and unknown barriers within. So here’s ‘Me’ humbly showing up to meet you in utmost Gratitude, and a new sense of sovereignty.

Raw Renewal

Photo Myself

It was in the middle of the night.
First came these words:
Love
Freedom
Raw
Empty
Joy
Full

Then they got filled this way:
Love for myself
Freedom for myself
Raw renewal

Empty of you
Joy of being
Full with myself

To become Empty again
To Love
To Serve

Stripped off of relations
Finding myself whole
Filling up all the holes

Then what looked like a poem took a different form for the image above today.

Do the 2 forms of the poem feel different in meaning and sentiment to you? I am not sure exactly but the words changed form for the aesthetics and they feel different to me. The original poem was ‘Self-centered’ with the ‘joy of being full with myself and empty of you’. The image made it more spirit-related, and empty in general. Somehow I was ok with how all of this wanted to be. Do you have any thoughts?

This journey I feel is not against any one, and for everyone. The world that I walk out in often feels like an alternate reality. What is real is underneath all that we actually see. The shortest way to describe it is Love. Because it is a feeling experience…

Pixie Dust & All Things Magical – A New Anthology

I am very thrilled to share that 2 of my poems
The Silent Warrior & The Beauty of Disruption are published in the new anthology edited by Anita Nahal – “Pixie Dust & All Things Magical: Global Poetry in English 2022”

I wrote “The Silent Warrior” in 2016, I have linked it above, I didn’t have as many blog friends visiting me back then 🙂 I wrote “The Beauty of Disruption” in 2017 and published it here in 2018. The conversations generated on it were deeply enriching and gratifying for me. I am choosing to share that poem again in this post, as a powerful reminder to myself too, knowing well it might be a repeat for some kind friends who were with me back then and have already read it. Perhaps you will enjoy the repeat.

Beauty of Disruption

Photo by Myself

When a surging flow of life seems to be disrupted,
Because of an un-event that was unexpected,
There is a space that is opened up for a rich listening in …
To every message that has been missed out on.

When you become willing to pause in that space
Deeply nourish yourself with simply being,
Precious awareness of fulfilled desires starts unfolding.
They may not feel the grandest dreams come true …
If you look closely you will find
Simple moments that were a dream for longest time.

Enjoy them, relish them …
If you go in distress over the disrupt
You shut yourself off from your own magical moments coming true.
If you look closely you will find
The very thing that disrupted your current momentum
Has made space for something that you had earnestly yearned.

Receive it fully …
Along with the faith that your current dream
Is now on its way to you.
If you look closely you will find
The surge of momentum had actually affected your ability
To receive some divine guidance with subtlety.

The surge worked to steer you strongly,
The disruption worked to create space
To help you settle in that direction,
You now move ahead with your trust, faith and intentions
Towards your dreams, desires and compulsions
With the subtle guidance of your own knowing.

In the space created with the disruption there is richness
of all that you have ever asked for.
Receive, relish, nourish, and become ready
For fresh beginnings in calmer tides of life.

This Anthology is currently only available only in India at this link :
https://www.amazon.in/dp/B09R2DRYBS/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_2HC3KKDJHZHW0AAJMEBE

Those Moments of Living with Myself

Photo by Myself

I am deeply overjoyed to share this poem, the first to be published today on MasticadoresUsa. I offer my utmost gratitude to Editor and #1 Amazon Bestseller Author Gabriela Marie Milton for finding my poem worthy of their platform.

The Earth
of my Being
as if is splitting
into parts
yet again

Dry lands
of my emotions
as if fueling
Fires
of my thoughts

Wildfires spreading
no tears raining
:
:
Please go here to read the complete poem. It is an honor and a privilege that you would take the time!
Thank You. Thank You. Thank You :)))


About Boundaries

When suggestions are heard as criticism
Followed by gaslighting & defensivism
Criticism could be offered as suggestions
Followed by choice for personal decisions
It is often effective
To speak in languages native
To all that internal wiring
Sparks that have grown old & tiring
Need a lot of space for nurturing
The grounds of self-loving & caring

My internal dialog when this came up to be posted for this week:
“Really is this what you want to post? You have better thoughts, better words, better works to share! This?”
Am I sensing judgment for what truly came out of nowhere and is clearly asking to be the one today?:
“Well, does it even make sense?” “I think so… hope so…it is written and ready to go!”
So here it is. I don’t know why but this needed to go today from my universe into yours. I would be humbled to know if it spoke or made sense to you.

Love Warrior

Photo of me lounging on our beloved planet by Manish Doshi at Death Valley NP, California

The words on the picture above formed a short post Your Choice, published on April 30, 2017.

While I was thinking for a picture to pair with the poem Love Warrior, the above came to mind, along with wanting to add words from the older post to make it into a word image. I am shaking my head to myself over this compulsion I am feeling, to combine various elements to a post instead of just sharing the poem I intended to. Perhaps they are slightly different flavors of Love Warrior. I hope you enjoy the expressions of this phase I am going through.

Love warrior
Made
Unseen
Unfelt
Unnoticed
After being
Seen
Felt
Noticed

Love Warrior
Not Victim
Yet Victim
From
Heart assaulted
Ignored
Gaslighted

Love Warrior
Taking space
Humbly
Courageously
Vulnerably
Still looked down
By those
Taking space
Boldly
Unapologetically
Powerfully

Love Warrior
At war within
Without enough
Self Love
Wary from
Letting go
Expectations of
Natural reciprocity
Even from those
Placed in roles of
Nurturing tender hearts
And failed to deliver

Love Warrior
Daring to be so alone
No complacency
For want of company
Often doubting sanity
Counting blessings
Cultivating Gratitude
Choosing Love

Love Warrior
Colored leaf
Drifting
Through space
Finding Ground
Becoming One
With Earth
Finding
And receiving
Divine reciprocity

Love Warrior
Becoming the Ground
For bold ones standing their ground
Holding space
For unapologetics to walk upon
Lending strength
For the powerful to use
From the subtle
Power of
Humble Courage
And vulnerability

Love Warrior
Often Invisible
Being
The ground
And space
The embrace
They themselves
Yearn for

Photo by Manish Doshi at Death Valley NP, California

Note to dear blog friends: I have become slower in my visits to your blogs, I still treasure my visits to read you work the same, I will keep doing so, just going through shifts in routine.

Of Tunnels, Life & Illusions

The light at the end of the tunnel is not an illusion, the tunnel is.

We parked our vehicle on a tiny street lined with closely spaced homes. We walked along to find a tiny opening between homes. It was this path filled with sand that led to the ocean.

There was no guessing of the expanse to which, that tunnel on Earth opened up. It felt like a magical portal. Especially because we walked through the tunnel before sunrise, so it was dark until we saw some light when out on the other side. The pictures of the tunnel were taken on our way out, so you can see the light coming through the roof made of branches.

This is from our trip to Oahu, Hawaii Islands in February 2021. The experience of being here felt so much like life itself. There is so much intricate and exquisite beauty available that we are actually immersed in when we go through the seeming dark tunnels – light keeps leaking in the form of exact people and guidance pouring from all directions. The sand keeps the feet engaged mindfully (I walked barefoot here), there are occasional pricks to make sure I am present to where I am and also heeding my direction.

Intense times
Life itself
Shapeshifting
Dig my heels
To stay standing
And oriented

Dropping
All things head
Into my heart
So I don’t
Lose myself
In the fluid reality
So I do
Find myself
In the flow easily

Guiding Light
So present for me
In the seeming
Absence of it too
I honor the seeming
Dark spaces

They are actually
Healing forces gathering
Fuel for my

Expansive Being
All that is exactly needed
For ease, joy & well-being

I am amused how this post turned out to be a combination of pictures, a bit of prose and the poem. The poem is what I wanted to post and the rest just tagged along, tugging in my mind to go with the poem. I was happy to see it all seemed to connect well – hope you enjoy this mixture of a post and the poem itself. I am curious to know which part spoke to you most.

The trail behind me

I feel that I am personally transitioning through a portal from a known past into an unknown future in so many ways at once. It is eerie how outwardly all the walls of reality still look the same, and yet as if all the mental castles of reality have inwardly collapsed. Each day I find another brick falling.

As if each day I wake up and walk into a hall of mirrors absolutely wanting to confuse me – Is that me? or is that one me? Until I push back on a mirror to have it open on to a very expansive space of peace, joy and lightness, carrying an air of crisp clarity.

It is so thrilling and awesome terrifying to surrender in to that space, and live without alignment or resistance to any mental constructs, comforts of relations, definitions, concepts of what exactly makes up our everyday life. Also it is awesome that I don’t have the ever insistent fear rumbling inside me. For I recognize this portal from 5 years ago, and I know now what brilliance awaits on the other side of it.

I love and embrace with a much robust gratitude and awe, the exquisite and divine guidance, synchronicity and perfection with which this play of life is executed. These are such powerful times that our tribe of truth seekers and heart followers are finding their way with themselves and each other like never before! I am now ready to show up in ways like never before.

And hence, I wished to post this poem and picture today to share with you, my gratitude for the trail behind me. For the people on the trail with me.

This poem was first published on August 16, 2016, 5 years ago today.

There’s a trail from the past behind me
From whence in this moment I arrive
I look forward to see
Whereto it wants me strive
The smile on my face
Belongs to those who helped me thrive

The chosen and unchosen soul friends
The given and unchosen of relationships
With their simply Being or coaxing mends
Diffused and dissolved perceived hardships

I have all of You in my heart
To walk with You, I would go back to start
Gratitude for You will keep You forever with me
Especially when I seem to have parted ways with thee
There’s times when only You can make me less lonely

That’s when I look back at the trail
Find the bend where you found me frail
Then I walk forward steadily a mile
Taking with me the newfound smile