Who’s breath am I breathing?
Who’s story am I weaving?
Who’s memory am I churning?
Who’s thoughts am I carrying?
With each breath I take
Who’s life am I living?
Who’s pain am I feeling?
Who’s right to breathe freely have I made my story?
Who is it that I am not left with my own pure breath for myself?
We talk about letting go. And for that process we invite all our stories and all of others’ woes to look at, to be able to let go. And then we look at them and we defend them and justify them and find ourselves lost in them. And the only thing we let go of is our deep, pure breath. Nothing else.
I have found that I imbibe, absorb, feel, sense every thought, feeling, energy around me. I pick up on it very sensitively. At times making my inner life a chaotic tangle of feelings. I have made a personal career out of my life to continually keep cleaning out my energetic closet that sometimes catches the cobwebs of negativity, lies, untruthfulness, facades, envy, jealousy in thought and action directed or not towards me. Most times I am not even aware of any of this actually going on. I just feel horrible inside and I know I am not breathing my pure breath but breathing a heavy air of all that is toxic to me. My breath catches it like a virus. I just feel it.
I have found myself very strong, resilient, having magical perspectives that lift me above any drama and trauma, in the face of the worst. I am unshaken in faith when it comes to threats to the well being of those closest to me and those who choose to work with me. I am undaunted in my intention of creation of a life of possibility and true joy for all of us. I will not give up on my version of a world where we absolutely trust the spoken word, show up as our real self and have compassion for each other.
Yet I end up using tremendous energy to keep my head above the waters of feelings and emotions of those around me physically, virtually and spiritually. I am an empath who feels the hurt behind your need to lie to me, your need to be untruthful to me, to act what you don’t mean with me. Yes I actually feel it and live it until I process it to rise above it.
I know I have done this when I am able to breathe purely, deeply, fluidly, smoothly, softly, leisurely, luxuriously – just pure breath of air that does not carry any charge, thought, feeling, emotion, story attached to it. I am glad it is becoming increasingly easier, and the beauty of life is pouring in for me.
Do you know what a gift this kind of breath is? Have you given yourself a breath solely for yourself lately? Have you lived a moment purely as yourself lately?
I have dedicated my life to just that – taking as many deeply pure breaths and teaching you to do the same. It is a learning process to be able to let go of the stories. Even the real ones have to be let go, so they actually change.
Let’s breathe space into our stories instead of our stories clinging to our breath.
This post is a contribution to ForgivingFridays on ForgivingConnect, an amazing blog by Debbie Roth.
In the body
With the mind
In the body
With the mind
In the body
With the mind
Behind the mind
While significantly playing our roles on earth …parent, son/daughter, employee/employer, relator/related in every/any possible way …somewhere we are always trying to connect with the individual in us. We are trying to make sense about what brings us pain and joy. To make choices that work for us best.
If we are not giving any regard, during the day, to the fact that we are breathing …how else are we, in any more effective way, connecting with ourselves? We came in alive on earth with our first breath in and we will leave when we last breathe out. If we are not cultivating a full breath, then in a way, we are limiting our possibilities at anything that is called life or life-related. We are cutting short the supply of life force itself, that which propels anything out of us. We put daily demands on our body with such enormous expectations.The quality of our breath determines our experience in our body and life.
If we work with our breath, the breath will work for us, for lifetime.
When we are forcing, resisting, feeling like nothing works in our favor, not even in our body …it is our turn to work with our body and life. Allow it, nurture it, nourish it, communicate with it. Bring your attention to effective methods and cycles of breath, so that it flows in and out, empty of thinking …and then it is available for the messages from the body. They are not very logical, mental messages in words, they are more intuitive cues that feel more relaxed from within. They lead you towards more integration and choices more in harmony of your being.
P.S. Check out the new page added to my site Yoga – My work & life. I am grateful for your time always!
P.S. Dear Debbie, this post is a contribution to ForgivingFridays. I love the space you have created.
So close to home
And as if trying to find my way
Just around the corner
And feeling as if lost on the way
Oh so puzzled
Mind all muddled
Oh usually that’s the way
It is, they say
It’s human, regular human
Easy to relate
Better than to create
And to reach home solemn
Relate to everyone around
Than create your path abound
Former may seem easy
Latter a thrill to foresee
So close to home
In there is it very lone?
Just around the corner
Seems fun to linger
There’s plenty of company
And also sometimes misery
Should I just go home
And see how it is to be lone?
All puzzled and muddled
I enter my home
To be cuddled
In my own heart and soul
Wish someone would accompany
There is a threshold though
Beyond which only I can go
It really doesn’t help to have anybody
Take the step, take the plunge and dive
Take your puzzles and the muddles
Rest them there and watch them live
Don’t solve the riddles
Don’t push nor let them cling really
Give them a place
And they will go away actually
Ah! this home is a peaceful space
Back out in the world
And around the corner again
Still trying to find my way
New found faith to help stay
The puzzles and the muddles
Don’t bother now
A light flickers every step of the way
Just follow the instinct I say
So close to home now I know
While always trying to find my way
I do often revisit home
Now that I also love to be lone …
I find a place…for my elbow to rest on. A platform that is a good space to give me relief. My elbow finds balance on a solid surface, my head rests in my palm sideways. My mind finds some moments of peace.
The platform turns out to be a floating piece. It starts to shift, putting my elbow and my rest, out of balance. I could rely on it but only for a while.
Pulses of life, stir through the surroundings of the iceberg where I was resting my elbow. The solidity of the iceberg now seems shaken.
Shock of the coldness hits my face as the elbow slides off. I am thrown out of my comfort space.
I have been seeking concepts and beliefs and relations and interactions to depend on, for balance. To rely on, when challenged. Only to find out that they are all floating icebergs.
Lean on anything a bit too much, and you plunge into the cold deep abyss of the sea of truthful revelations, eventually.
Some icebergs are memories that we escape to. Trying to find any semblance of joy or pleasure or balance or support that we felt at a different time. As all icebergs, this one too, serves only for a while.
I have sought it in persons and relationships sometimes. Only that I am an iceberg for others too, sought out to balance some need in them. Oftentimes, each ends up blaming the other iceberg, for not staying steady and still, for them to lean on.
I decide to walk on to dry grounds, with none of the unreliable icebergs around to entice me. There are trees to rest under and the lush grass on solid ground, looks fulfilling. I will now depend on the nurturing Mother Earth to hold me, to support me. I find rest in the shade under a vibrant tree.
It seems like I have found my solace and semblance of balance that I can finally rely on. Only until …the winds start howling and the skies turn dark and shower me with piercing drops of revelations, leaving me drenched in the cold again.
Sometimes it wasn’t even the furious weather that left me all lost on the face of the planet. My own thoughts could create a tornado within, that left me as if, there is no ground to stand on.
“Where do I really rest? Mother Earth! Where on earth can I just rest?” I cried in despair, kneeling down with my head hung low.
Mother Earth, as if smiled, while continuing her own journey through the void, around the sun, not knowing what, comets and storms and humans, might hurl at her, at any time.
Nothing seems to be at rest. Relentless movement. We go on while coloring our perception with the illusion of support and stability.
At times, memories of someone and the conversations, color our days or months. Giving a sense of balance to the emptiness in the place we call home. The home that stands on the compassion of the planet and it’s time bound stability.
There are times I am totally present with those physically with me. And I become aware of the hurricanes within them, uprooting my sense of balance.
I also often become dependent on other people for my soul nourishment and direction to my human mind. Every time I become completely dependent, that iceberg plops under.
In my sane mind I realize that they have gone away seeking their own nourishment, or might have faltered their own of self depletion. In my human mind I sometimes blame them for not being there for me anymore.
After many such hurricanes and toppling under of icebergs, I finally realize there is this vast ocean of space within me. The more I dive into the center of it, the more stability I find.
I begin to sit with myself more often, without leaning.
I feel more grounded as I allow a deep breath in, into the expansiveness of my being, and empty it out from the core of my being, as softly and smoothly as I can. The more I rely on my own ability, to glide on the current of the life force, flowing through me with the breath, the more rooted I get in the stability of my own being. The platform I lean on is not tangible yet so plausible.
A sense of trust and surrender and choices of possibility and tremendous courage, gives me an easy resolve of steadiness, and the experience of innate balance.
I wobble at times, escape into known comforts sometimes, fear the unknown darkness sometimes, and then find my balance again, as I recognize it all for what it is.
The darkness is pure nothing until I fill it with something. Its spirit is illuminated with each breath and awareness that comes. The silence is rich with the knowing and the perceiving and the feeling that guides me, unless it is purely divine silence.
A warmth develops within me, that balances out the coldness of any sharp revelations. It flows through me, which feels like love in some form or kind.
That’s how, I find my center and balance, time and again, until I fall off, time and again …
If I could burrow a hole
Through your heart, maybe to your soul
Perhaps through your thinking brain
I would do so with much no refrain
I would pour some pearls of Love
And then So much love, to the point of
You would not have much choice
But to feel all of your beauty arise
P.S. Dear Debbie, I am honored to contribute this poem to ForgivingFridays. My wish is that every soul finds solace from turmoil and receives all the Love Universe has to offer. You work in forgiveness facilitates just that oh so wonderfully.