Of Faith & Fear

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“Faith feels expansive & brings gifts magical” Photo Credit : Vikram Phale

Faith in something
That you are in doubt ruminating
Feels to me more like fear
If it never helps your mind go clear

Faith in something merely habitual
That comes more from a need to control
Feels to me like fear and a certain limitation
If it does not bring any relief or evolution

Faith in another human
That becomes how you are dependent
Feels to me another escape of fear
If it doesn’t show you your path clear

Faith that is instilled when juvenile
That often makes authentic choice seem criminal
Feels to me a crop of anxiety fertile
If you sense different, as if your life is futile

Faith is something incredible
That makes your choice seem inevitable
Feels to you more like most logical
If it even is something that seems impossible

Faith in something beyond thinking
That is beyond ideas of exact executing
Feels to me beyond need of explanation
If at work, no fear or anxiety in question

Faith flows as if a knowing of reality
That comes of the Self, not of your owning
Feels always assured, never unsteady
If you find it, no place for fear or anxiety

 

P.S. Someone sent me a question “What is my fear or anxiety trying to tell me?” I asked myself ” What is the opposite of fear?” “Faith” came the answer to my mind. This poem came in response to her question. If I am lucky I might come to know if I answered her question. I am eager to know all comments and interpretations, or more questions on this.

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Let it unravel …

I just recently started using images on my blog. This photo from a personal trip led me to revisit this poem from about a year ago. As if they belonged together 🙂 While it would be a repeat to some of my blogger friends, I gave in to the strong temptation of a reblog of this poem with it’s new-found image. Look forward to having your thoughts 🙂

Infinite Living

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Elusive illusion
Desolate delusion

Overthinked opinions
Painful ponderance

Evergrown emotion
Sullen stupefaction

Managing memories
Feeling felt-sense

Blocked blight-head
Heavy heartache

Perpetually present
Adamant attachment

Sneakingly seething
Desired detachment

Tired tenacity
Silent sanity

Lingered longing
Lifetime’s lugging

Dissatisfied destiny
Emerging epiphany

Liquefying lament
Braving boredom

Releasing resistance
Teasing tangles

Identified intention
Trickled tune-in

Soothing simplicity
Soul seeking

Benign being
Breathing n Being

Rising resourceful
Juicy joyful

Wakened wisdom
Amazing alignment

Mindful miracle
Iterant infinitum

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Ablaze with Truth

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‘ABLAZE’  – Photo by Manish Doshi

 

It is a visceral feeling.
The emotion of anger.
It feels like an old one. It is so physical as if ablaze.
That block, the lead block right on the core of my heart, it is heavily burrowing down. Into the deep abyss of my being.
Get it offf now!

I am angry. I am angry about smiling through it all …all these years.
I am angry that I had such positivity. ..all these years.
I am angry I had so much love and the need for love in me that I overlooked and even enjoyed this same thing.
I am angry that I wasn’t angry the first time this happened.

I am speaking the truth regarding this for the first time.
The truth that I had no idea of. The truth that was buried deep down to fulfill my other needs.
That’s it.
It has been my choice all along. To smile through it. To keep finding what is right in it. To hold it in my pot of love.

Today it is me who has changed.
It is me who has become aware of my hidden truth.

I am actually ablaze with this revelation.
With no skill whatsoever to contain it and express it, it has come as anger.

It is still visceral …yet it has changed.
The blaze has softened. I have finally seen it and honored it for what it is.
The iron block on my heart, still there.
It is so much of grief and guilt over my unskilled expression of my truth.
My assumption that it is wrong to feel this anger. That it is wrong to feel this bad, about something I accepted as normal, all my life.

Awakening to my own truth and suddenly choosing it and living it, is a very raw experience.
As if a rebirth into another person.
Definitely an unexpected guest, often an unpleasant one, in the lives of those accustomed to my smiling through it.
I decide to accept my anger for what it is.
I give myself permission to feel the human emotion of anger.

It came as a visceral wave of awakening and it has passed.
I am left with this heavy brick on my heart
I pour love for myself. Hold myself with compassion.

It is amazing to physically feel the brick soften.
And now melt and diffuse.
I feel space. I feel a soft strength.
There is a freshness in the way of my being.
There is a quiet quiet space of being.
Soothing and healing and forgiving.
I will stay immersed in this silence today.

 

P.S. This post is a contribution to ForgivingFridays of dear blogger Debbie. My wish is of self healing and forgiving through the process of becoming aware of our own Truth.

This post was originally published at This Glorious Mess on Medium

Living Life Head On

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Take on the Waves by Pragalbha Doshi

When the life waves
Of agony and despair
Rise high in the air

Take them head on
For once, instead of
Escaping ashore until gone

The most arduous choice
Often results in
The most amazing rejoice

Let the wave wash over
A gift of clarity
It will cleansingly shower

A trust that is your inner knowing
Keeps you grounded
While as if almost drowning

Find yourself after
Like-never-before standing
Surviving and refreshfully thriving

 

P.S. Dear Debbie, please accept this poem as my contribution to ForgivingFridays.

The Weeping Soul

Aged Beauty

Aged Beauty by Vikram Phale

We came to birth as babies crying
We grew up to live as humans smiling
Is there anyone else though
Who feels as if the soul is forever weeping?

No respite from this eternal seeking
That seeking itself is the source of ecstasy
The soul is as if the sage aged beauty
Wouldn’t want it otherwise just to make it easy

As the human yearns a sense of belonging
The soul knows what really is the longing
Is there anyone else who feels
As though the soul is forever weeping?

Parallel Disappointment

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Photograph by Pragalbha Doshi

You are disappointed
Because I don’t envy you
I am disappointed
Because you won’t connect with me

We simply See each other
To intersect, not bother
It is our insistence
To be on the parallel track
In this ocean of existence

 

 

P.S. This post first appeared on This Glorious Mess on Medium