So close to home

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Photo Credit : Manish Doshi, Editing : Vikram Phale

So close to home
And as if trying to find my way
Just around the corner
And feeling as if lost on the way

Oh so puzzled
Mind all muddled
Oh usually that’s the way
It is, they say

It’s human, regular human
Easy to relate
Better than to create
And to reach home solemn

Relate to everyone around
Than create your path abound
Former may seem easy
Latter a thrill to foresee

So close to home
In there is it very lone?
Just around the corner
Seems fun to linger

There’s plenty of company
And also sometimes misery
Should I just go home
And see how it is to be lone?

All puzzled and muddled
I enter my home
To be cuddled
In my own heart and soul

Wish someone would accompany
There is a threshold though
Beyond which only I can go
It really doesn’t help to have anybody

Take the step, take the plunge and dive
Take your puzzles and the muddles
Rest them there and watch them live
Don’t solve the riddles
Don’t push nor let them cling really
Give them a place
And they will go away actually
Ah! this home is a peaceful space

Back out in the world
And around the corner again
Still trying to find my way
New found faith to help stay

The puzzles and the muddles
Don’t bother now
A light flickers every step of the way
Just follow the instinct I say

So close to home now I know
While always trying to find my way
I do often revisit home
Now that I also love to be lone …

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Of Faith & Fear

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“Faith feels expansive & brings gifts magical” Photo Credit : Vikram Phale

Faith in something
That you are in doubt ruminating
Feels to me more like fear
If it never helps your mind go clear

Faith in something merely habitual
That comes more from a need to control
Feels to me like fear and a certain limitation
If it does not bring any relief or evolution

Faith in another human
That becomes how you are dependent
Feels to me another escape of fear
If it doesn’t show you your path clear

Faith that is instilled when juvenile
That often makes authentic choice seem criminal
Feels to me a crop of anxiety fertile
If you sense different, as if your life is futile

Faith is something incredible
That makes your choice seem inevitable
Feels to you more like most logical
If it even is something that seems impossible

Faith in something beyond thinking
That is beyond ideas of exact executing
Feels to me beyond need of explanation
If at work, no fear or anxiety in question

Faith flows as if a knowing of reality
That comes of the Self, not of your owning
Feels always assured, never unsteady
If you find it, no place for fear or anxiety

 

P.S. Someone sent me a question “What is my fear or anxiety trying to tell me?” I asked myself ” What is the opposite of fear?” “Faith” came the answer to my mind. This poem came in response to her question. If I am lucky I might come to know if I answered her question. I am eager to know all comments and interpretations, or more questions on this.

Finding My Balance

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Golden Sunrise at Sea by Atanu Chakraborty

I find a place…for my elbow to rest on. A platform that is a good space to give me relief. My elbow finds balance on a solid surface, my head rests in my palm sideways. My mind finds some moments of peace.

The platform turns out to be a floating piece. It starts to shift, putting my elbow and my rest, out of balance. I could rely on it but only for a while.

Pulses of life, stir through the surroundings of the iceberg where I was resting my elbow. The solidity of the iceberg now seems shaken.

Shock of the coldness hits my face as the elbow slides off. I am thrown out of my comfort space.

I have been seeking concepts and beliefs and relations and interactions to depend on, for balance. To rely on, when challenged. Only to find out that they are all floating icebergs.

Lean on anything a bit too much, and you plunge into the cold deep abyss of the sea of truthful revelations, eventually.

Some icebergs are memories that we escape to. Trying to find any semblance of joy or pleasure or balance or support that we felt at a different time. As all icebergs, this one too, serves only for a while.

I have sought it in persons and relationships sometimesOnly that I am an iceberg for others too, sought out to balance some need in them. Oftentimes, each ends up blaming the other iceberg, for not staying steady and still, for them to lean on.

I decide to walk on to dry grounds, with none of the unreliable icebergs around to entice me. There are trees to rest under and the lush grass on solid ground, looks fulfilling. I will now depend on the nurturing Mother Earth to hold me, to support me. I find rest in the shade under a vibrant tree.

It seems like I have found my solace and semblance of balance that I can finally rely on. Only until …the winds start howling and the skies turn dark and shower me with piercing drops of revelations, leaving me drenched in the cold again.

Sometimes it wasn’t even the furious weather that left me all lost on the face of the planet. My own thoughts could create a tornado within, that left me as if, there is no ground to stand on.

“Where do I really rest? Mother Earth! Where on earth can I just rest?” I cried in despair, kneeling down with my head hung low.

Mother Earth, as if smiled, while continuing her own journey through the void, around the sun, not knowing what, comets and storms and humans, might hurl at her, at any time.

Nothing seems to be at rest. Relentless movement. We go on while coloring our perception with the illusion of support and stability.

At times, memories of someone and the conversations, color our days or months. Giving a sense of balance to the emptiness in the place we call home. The home that stands on the compassion of the planet and it’s time bound stability.

There are times I am totally present with those physically with me. And I become aware of the hurricanes within them, uprooting my sense of balance.

I also often become dependent on other people for my soul nourishment and direction to my human mind. Every time I become completely dependent, that iceberg plops under.

In my sane mind I realize that they have gone away seeking their own nourishment, or might have faltered their own of self depletion. In my human mind I sometimes blame them for not being there for me anymore.

After many such hurricanes and toppling under of icebergs, I finally realize there is this vast ocean of space within me. The more I dive into the center of it, the more stability I find.

I begin to sit with myself more often, without leaning.

I feel more grounded as I allow a deep breath in, into the expansiveness of my being, and empty it out from the core of my being, as softly and smoothly as I can. The more I rely on my own ability, to glide on the current of the life force, flowing through me with the breath, the more rooted I get in the stability of my own being. The platform I lean on is not tangible yet so plausible.

A sense of trust and surrender and choices of possibility and tremendous courage, gives me an easy resolve of steadiness, and the experience of innate balance.

I wobble at times, escape into known comforts sometimes, fear the unknown darkness sometimes, and then find my balance again, as I recognize it all for what it is.

The darkness is pure nothing until I fill it with something. Its spirit is illuminated with each breath and awareness that comes. The silence is rich with the knowing and the perceiving and the feeling that guides me, unless it is purely divine silence.

A warmth develops within me, that balances out the coldness of any sharp revelations. It flows through me, which feels like love in some form or kind.

That’s how, I find my center and balance, time and again, until I fall off, time and again …

 

Originally published in This Glorious Mess on Medium

Let me in …to your Soul

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Liquid Pearls – By Vikram Phale

 

If I could burrow a hole
Through your heart, maybe to your soul

Perhaps through your thinking brain
I would do so with much no refrain

I would pour some pearls of Love
And then So much love, to the point of

You would not have much choice
But to feel all of your beauty arise

 

P.S. Dear Debbie, I am honored to contribute this poem to ForgivingFridays. My wish is that every soul finds solace from turmoil and receives all the Love Universe has to offer. You work in forgiveness facilitates just that oh so wonderfully.

Gratitude Attitude

 

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Photo Credit: Vikram Phale

My gratitude is not my weakness
My softening at heart not my meekness

My gratitude was once my survival
My breaking down was emerge & arrival

My gratitude is now my treasure
My attitude by which I measure

My gratitude is actually my strength
My existence made magnificent at length

My gratitude propels my life velocity
My refuge it is to contain life’s intensity

My gratitude is not my neediness
My choice it is to stay connected with Oneness

 

P.S. Dear Debbie, please accept this Gratitude poem as a contribution to ForgivingFridays

Perfect Duos

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Photo by Pragalbha Doshi

Amazement & Gratitude

Contentment & Solitude

Accomplishment & Finitude

Refinement & Attitude

Commitment & Certitude

Moment & Quietude

Judgment & Perspective

Alignment & Aptitude

Enlightenment & Fortitude

Detachment & Habitude

I am so amazed of what gratitude can do, and so grateful for the amazements that come my way.

P.S. This came out of some moments of boredom in the day. I would love to know your thoughts, even if you think this was kind of boring 🙂
Peering into the beautiful flowers and then pairing these words did take my boredom away.

 

The Weeping Soul

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Aged Beauty by Vikram Phale

We came to birth as babies crying
We grew up to live as humans smiling
Is there anyone else though
Who feels as if the soul is forever weeping?

No respite from this eternal seeking
That seeking itself is the source of ecstasy
The soul is as if the sage aged beauty
Wouldn’t want it otherwise just to make it easy

As the human yearns a sense of belonging
The soul knows what really is the longing
Is there anyone else who feels
As though the soul is forever weeping?