Magical Glimpses

Peer Within

Photo by myself

I was drawn out of my way to peek in to this web of roots, branches and shadows on water. I felt as if I was pulled in towards the womb of the Earth. I had posted the original picture in this post last month. The words describe the special experience of being there.

Photo by myself

This glimpse simply made me feel blessed. The beautiful goose was peacefully strolling around ahead of me and as I reached this curve, I found it sheltering here with such ease and quiet. Reminding me of how we share this planet, how we belong to the same nature and can find such rest & respite if we would choose to.

Appearances

All of us what we look like
Have a story of our life
Sometimes really brave ones
And then those that we hide


When we want to change
Something in what we look like
It is actually something
We want to change in our life

I had never stepped out in my glasses all my life until this year. I simply forgot to put that attention before I showed up in front of the current zoom world of 2020. I stopped caring if I was wearing my blue glasses, red glasses or contact lenses, eliciting so many responses of how great I look in my glasses and how they never knew I wore glasses. I found myself smiling – at the realization that I have really grown more comfortable in my skin. That I did make this distinct preparation to face the world, was actually acceptable and enjoyable to me, until it didn’t matter anymore.

Social media presence brings some interesting experiences and often loaded with judgment with regards to appearances. No matter how deep my body of work is, my social media posts are at times selectively responded to, as if it is a display fishing for superficial praise, disregarding the story, the very journey that makes me who I am today and continually learning to show up for who I simply am. Gratefully such instances are few, yet they have shown up sadly from those who I considered close circle, long time acquaintance/friend. Mostly otherwise I am blessed with warmth, love and support from those who see me as a person for my appearance, also read me and my writings.

The stories of our life truly define how we show up in all genuineness and joy. There is a lot of courage often in showing up anywhere. And when there is ease, there is a story of our life behind that ease. There is a story of our life behind not wanting to show up – even on social media. There is often judgment we hold for ourselves and against those who do show up.

So many of us often are waiting to look different. Some of us flow through changes gracefully, some of us struggle. Also so many personalities look the same, pandemic or no pandemic. Every instance is a story that we are hiding or not, something we are willing and need to change in our life, or not. What we really want different is how we feel about ourselves. This life is all we have, we are who we are & how we are. There is a lot of love to be discovered in that.

The Feeling of Published

Photo by Manish Doshi

I loved standing at the center of this labyrinth, as if a journey inward & then looking outward. If you could get a wider view, right behind me you would see the Golden Gate Bridge over the San Francisco Bay. This photo was an unplanned surprise. While a couple of other visitors and I enjoyed walking the labyrinth, my husband decided to hike up a nearby hill and take some pictures.

Little did I know that this picture would become the cover photo of my first article published in a magazine. Getting an email from the editor saying that my article was live on the India Currents magazine site was as novel an experience as beginning to publish on WordPress exactly 5 years ago. Yes that’s right it is 5 year anniversary of my blog today!

I soaked up the feeling of being published, it was like crossing a threshold for me. I was writing after a long time, also something that was more than poetry and inspiration. I was writing the personal story of how I happened to develop this relation with poetry and inspiration. I was opening up a lot more, with surprising ease, to a wider world than before. I hope this is a beginning towards more open authentic writing that would serve its purpose, God/Universe willing.

It does feel like a sliver of courage to bring this article for more people to read. I would be honored to have your time on it and perhaps get to know if you have any thoughts for me.

Here’s my article:

Poetry was never something I imagined to become this significant to me, it was not even a sliver of a dream of an unimagined future …read more @ A Poet Born Through Healing

The sadness, the joy …Grateful to be back!

Photo Credit : Vikram Phale

I have been looking for a doorway back into this space certainly. There was an inert kind of sadness when my inspiration to keep posting trickled to a stop, earlier this year. I trusted it to show me when and where to be. I woke up this morning with a design of the quote image above and a clear feeling of wanting to bring it here for my WordPress friends.

As the entire world went through tumultuous changes that came with the pandemic, I took time to appreciate simple blessings, the gifts of being alive, the deepening heart connections for how real the ephemeral nature of our existence is.

Glimpse of the Sky and the Earth seems a true indulgence – Photo by myself

Sadness is really one side of the coin, when a mere breeze from the air or a caring word from someone brings us joy.

Happiness heals the planet
the kind that makes you smile from the heart
…and from behind your closed eyes
the kind that is only truly felt
…if the joy is shared

Some corners of Earth draw me in, as if I am moving inward within – Photo by myself

I questioned myself a lot for what my purpose on this planet is, what is my role truly in all my relations, gave myself permission to practice being unapologetically myself and enjoyed the privileges afforded to me. I went through some major internal shifts but then who hasn’t lately?!!

As we all question what our role is
In this world when none can stay passive
Take care of yourself no guilt & then give

We are all together in how our heart lives this


I am so happy and grateful to be back here to connect with you all and further explore the emergence of inspiration and new avenues of being!

Humble gratitude to all of you who emailed me or left messages in this space to ask about my well-being and to let me know that I am missed. Means-a-lot-whole-lot-to-me. You have been the most kind witness of my inner world when it poured out and needed to be received.

As I make my way to find you and your words, one by one, I await your visit on my post with childlike curiosity for who would I engage with next as I perhaps see your comment 🙂

Trust through the unknown

Blooming

Photo: Myself

These delicate stalks peeking out from a gap in a fence as if called out to me. As I stood there for seemingly long, in admiration of the beauty and contrast, a lot was being said to me. I listened in.

This was more than a week ago, when I went on a last long walk around my neighborhood, before we went into shelter in place to stay safe from Covid19.

These are uncertain times of many unknowns. Everything is so transient, all that we cling to as normal and accepted, and also all that we are wishing away.  The air today seems filled with gloom, a shift from a fast moving energy of chaos and confusion in previous days. Just like every big shift that shakes the ground of reality we walk on, we hope that this is temporary before everything goes back to normal soon.

There are many including myself who are able to relate to the personal and visceral experience of every habitual way of being gotten stripped off of everyday living. It came with different experiences of loss or tremendous change with respect to our health, relations, or finances. We coped, survived and then thrived as we discovered the power of gratitude for what is present, what serves in the moment, acceptance and continual surrender to new normal ways of being and living. Peace, joy and amazing new avenues of life became available unlike ever before.

These are certainly times when we are called to appreciate the luxury and preciousness of every single thing available to us on a day to day basis. This experience of having to go out of the comfort of habit is now a collective experience and not lone parallel journeys in the midst of dominant normalcy in society.

It gives a first hand experience in how much kindness, empathy and compassion make a world of a difference. It is bringing to the forefront how pity, sympathy and indifference hurts the heart, soul and spirit of  tremendous courage. It is painful, it is messy, it is calling us to tap into our human resiliency, to trust our hearts, to have faith in a higher power and to peer into the beauty of existence.

Something always finds a way to bloom on the other side of it all. Always. Anchored in this trust, I join the flow of uncertainty into the unknown. I stay present to my capacity and limitations to carry this trust and space of peace in my heart, allowing the waves of all other human emotions to pass through when they do. Wisdom of teachers, their work, my personal practice, support from family and friends is available for me.

New amazing normals emerge, miracles and possibilities await to become evident, lot of our imagined and un-imagined dreams magically come true. They do.

Wishing you health, healing, happiness, joy, ease, gratitude and peace _()_

P.S. I am now offering virtual sessions for breathing, meditation, guidance, listening with confidentiality/witnessing. Complimentary offers available.
Please reach out through http://www.yogasaar.com

 

Be-Come

Be-Come

Picture, Editing and Quote by myself

There’s a message within me that I am holding on to.
There’s a purpose within me that I am holding on to. There’s an inner reality within me that seeks to pervade the outer world. There’s an outer reality that I am continually attempting to merge with from within.

I still see inner and outer realities separately.
So I know that I am not as mature yet to feel integrated consistently. It is a work in progress on a daily basis to access this integration through my yoga asana, conscious breath, meditation practice, study of the universal principles, time with trusted teachers & noble friends, choosing actions out of deep listening for clarity and intention.

I am often sloppy and imperfect in how I live this.
Any time I have attempted to do any work from a place of want, I have had to cut through the noise of how it should be done. It takes up a lot of energy to clear out the pressures and fears that come with goal oriented choices.

My greatest power to be of value to myself or anyone has been my innocence.
It is those things that I had no idea of What and Why I was doing it, that have given me the most beautiful, joyful, nourishing experiences and expressions of life. I seem to have accepted what was coming or given to me, then aligned and equipped myself to be the best contribution I can be. This holds true for everything from motherhood to blogging.

The illusion of knowing a lot more than ever now takes away my innocence.
It takes away my capacity to accept, explore and live playfully. It makes me take refuge in my comfort zone and resist change. I am now seeking to be more deeply anchored within –  from where I find the strength of a mountain and the child like innocence.

I affirm here to listen intently for where I am called and show up consciously.
I lay down to rest all that I think I know and want. I remain present for what needs to come up for the moment, the day, the person, the situation, the project, the intention. A structure arises for me to work with, from what looks like a chaos that overwhelms at times.

It is not about what I want. It is about what wants to Be and Come through me.

It is not about what I want. It is about what wants to Be and Come through me.

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Original picture from one of my morning walks, from which I made the quote image above

 

How long was I gone?

Did I go on a long break?

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Photo by myself from a personal retreat in 2015

I have been on this unintended and unplanned break from this blog space. Sometimes I thought I knew why I was away and sometimes I wondered why. It feels more like being in response to the Greater Continuum of Life. It is surrender to where and how I am called to be, on a daily basis.

I am so grateful for the loving kind inquiries on my well being and whereabouts. You, my friends from this blog world, are as real a contribution to me as any other. You truly nourish the soil on which I find my ground to be Here.

The beauty of the space I have been in

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Photo by myself (unedited) : Crater lake, Oregon – the incredible clarity

I found myself letting go of all particular ways of how I spent my time of the day. It led me to venture into new avenues of life and become more consciously present & engaged in the familiar avenues of life. It gave me clarity on exactly how I am a contribution to my relations, my intention, how my purpose is getting shaped. I kept wanting to be back here in time, I had so much to say, yet no urge to write.

My ability to allow life to come to me and follow exactly as guided from within, has deepened more than ever. I finally feel no judgment over what looks productive, or not, in the world out there. The choice of simply Being, living life without the pressure of Doing, is coming more easily to me. I found myself in a profound wave of contemplating, clearly seeing, digesting and integrating all aspects of my life and being, towards a sense of coherence. It is unfolding in incredible ways. It is amazing.

I feel the process of grounding and the blooming of ease & joy alive in me. There is no rushing about this process. It is slow and luxurious. It yields abundantly with the time and space it provides me to grow and just Be. 

Blog Anniversary

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Photo by myself

My first blog post was dated October 5, 2015.  All this time seems to be magical and unreal. I entered this space not knowing what blogging meant, what it took and what could be done with it. I simply needed a place to rest the force that was pulsating within. A trusted friend suggested WordPress, dear husband set up this site for me in one day and I posted my first poetry. The name of the blog, the description of About page – all of it came without any thought or plan. I put my fingers to keys and the words simply came. The description on the About page feels so innocent and newly, deeply meaningful to me today, as I celebrate 4 years of being here, on October 5. 2019.

It took a while for this space to change from a scared place to a sacred space for me. The love and understanding I received from interactions here, wrapped around my heart and helped me thrive.

That was a time when poetry had become a living breathing part of me. Poetry doesn’t visit me anymore as of now. Poetry, as if lovingly conveyed to me that it was time for me to visit life in a different role. I had felt a lot of grief when I thought poetry was leaving me. I even wrote a poem named “What if poetry never comes through me again” (https://pragalbhadoshi.wordpress.com/…/what-if-poetry-neve…/). I did write some more poetry after that as the flow trickled to a stop.

I love the richness of this yet another new life that I am living and also look back at my poet self fondly. Poetry knows the perfect time to come through again.

I trust the process

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Photo by Manish Doshi

I am in the process of integrating all parts of me into one self and embarking on this training ground for compassion, kindness, love, acceptance and courage to live with the truth of my being. It does take me through difficult bends, unskilled as I am – they are lessons I am supported and guided through.

Comfort is not a requirement, and joy is guaranteed in choosing alignment with universal humanity.

I now allow all different realities of life unfolding into one beautiful, magical, miraculous tapestry of life and its expression waiting to be channeled through me.

I would love to hear your thoughts my dear friends. I will find my way to your work and get to as much as I can. I truly missed you all. I will post next when the inspiration strikes me again! 🙂

The Cloud

Clouds

Photo: Manish Doshi

My Knowing knows
I am living life the most
My feeling is often as if
I am forever lost

My Knowing knows
I am living my truth
My feeling is often as if
I am forever living a lie

My Knowing knows
I am living at my best
My feeling is often as if
The gap towards it is vast

My Knowing knows
There is nothing amiss
My feeling is often as if
There is something amiss

In my Knowing there is no doubt
In my feeling often hovers a Cloud
The Cloud becomes my mind escape
The Cloud gives me as if a comfort place

My Knowing pulls me out of the conundrum
My feeling tugs at me with fear and care
The Knowing is a spacious freedom
The feeling is what’s scattered in there

This poem is a contribution to ForgivingFridays of ForgivingConnects

Letting Go?

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Photo: Manish Doshi

Letting go of results does not mean denying the gifts of your labor. It means letting go of the idea of what the result looks like. Goodness comes in ten thousand and different ways. We fixate on having it come a certain way.

Be open to receive what’s coming to you. We shut ourselves off from what is coming to us. We do that with our busyness or often with feelings of unworthiness. Always filling the spaces available to us with ‘doing’ and ‘trying’.

We then go into judgment of self, and rest of the world. That is a sure way to find a million upsetting things in our life. Things, not even in our immediate life, upset us. We go about finding glory in all the suffering we endure in all our pursuits.

There are so many things that need not define our life. There are so many pre-organized structures that don’t really work for us. We seem to think it is comfortable to make ourselves fit into them. We imagine it would be our success to show growth within those structures.

There are some given structures that are nourishing to us. Those that give us certain joys, stability and security. Those are our gifts to receive from, and find our worthiness through them. There are some areas of our personal growths that need the freedom of creation.

Be willing to create, express and offer exactly what you want.There are no barriers in the space that is not restricted by definitions. Most things come to us in ways we haven’t ever thought about them. Don’t lock yourself up in finite ways of achieving things.

Keep your self-reflection with kindness and compassion. Have a willing contribution towards your pursuit. Let go of the idea of how it should be coming to you. Letting go of results does not mean denying the gifts of your labor.
This post is a contribution to ForgivingFridays of ForgivingConnects! You will find this blog very inspiring.