Our Roles, Relations & Why We Suffer

The frustration of feeling dedicated fully in all relations

This post is an example of the conversations I send out to those who kindly joined me here: YogaSaar

One of the humbling privileges of working privately with individuals is the precious conversations we have:

โ€I go to work – manage and deliver to subordinates and bosses quite efficiently. I come back home and as a parent, I feel completely out of control, snapping at my kids – their optimism & humor feels a burden to me – all I see is their naivety, they don’t understand life as much! My parents live with me, I can’t make them unhappy at this age so I try to choose what they approve of. I am also managing my spouse’s relationship with my parents. It keeps going – I try to figure how to feel balanced even at home, not to react as much, and yet it just happens”

Reflections I offered during our session:
Yoga is a game of identities – are we aware of where we are operating from? Awareness brings heightened sensitivity. Do we allow the space to understand and deal with that? How can I sincerely have any amount of ease in all my roles? Where am I over-delivering and over-compensating – in my dedication to serve all my identities? Can I allow my kids to have their own journey and be with them in that?

Next time you feel overwhelmed say :”Thank you Mind, for showing me the complexities of all my roles through the overwhelming feelings I have. I got this from here – I need some space, now that I have heard all that you are saying, so you can rest now!
I pull back all energy from where it was excess and shine light in spaces where I wish to be more present, with slowness and ease. I reconnect and recalibrate in all my roles with more presence and awareness and space to Be with. I take the time, even if it makes my mind uncomfortable. I am willing to Do less.”

YogaSutra 2.3 – The root cause of all our suffering are 5 kleshas:
1. Avidya – is like a veil over our eyes, it is our projection of past impressions, so we see things as other than what they really are.
2. Asmita – is the identity we operate with. Here lies the frustration with different identities intersecting – work, daughter, mother, wife – Who am I really? Buying into the idea that I am actually one of those is a klesha.
3. Raga – attachment to a comfortable/preferred outcome, what I would like to happen (in each of the identities above)
4. Dvesha – aversion or trying to avoid something from happening, what I dislike.
Abhinivesha – fear of the outcome

Any time we operate from one of the above we struggle, we suffer. Right action has an underlying peace to it, even if the choice is difficult to act on.

If you would enjoy my writings through the lens of yoga I will be thrilled to have you in conversation. I write regularly but inconsistently. Please add your name here: YogaSaar

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Until next time, may you be gentle in your being and sparkling from your soul.

Much Love & Gratitude,
Pragalbha Doshi E-RYT500


65 thoughts on “Our Roles, Relations & Why We Suffer

  1. Ah itโ€™s so beautiful to see how your light shines in so many gorgeous ways!!! Always love your expressions and seeing how your words flow. Keep on shining, dear friend ๐Ÿค๐Ÿค—

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ah, Pragalba, your words struck home and then some. Relationships …. this is exactly where I tend to get hung up. Flowing from one role into another and at times wearing two or three hats simultaneously, is a juggling act. When you see beyond that which is present in the dimension of 3D and begin to see multi-dimensionally or “know” why this person is acting that way, oh boy, does it get loud in my head! For real! Do I connect to the “little kid” within the other adult? Do I “connect” to the adult and speak in words that adult understands but is not of my world? Do I connect in firmness? Do I connect in humor? I have to do a dance with truth at times for people IMO are just not ready for what I really would like to say.

    In other words I adjust my actions and words according to the “frequency” I perceive. Tricky business. And then of course throw in there I tend to get antsy around intimacy due to the way I was brought up yet I dream of intimacy. Relationships are easy, rocky, clashing, stormy, funny, yummy, likened at best at climbing Mt. Everest, loving (my example at large is animals who have got that down!). And I could go on. And yes, I’ve seen and experienced first hand the suffering involved when one of those 5 kleshas are around.

    This post another wow for me. The most frustrating to me is when the other person is so so wounded, refusing to even acknowledge those wounds, and lives from out of that woundedness. How best to interact with this type of person? I do and the answer is not the same for I must and I mean must (I mess up with this!) “feel” where that person is at presently …. right mind, angry, denial, victimhood, etc … in a twinkle of a moment BEFORE I interact. Whew!

    You’ve given me great food for thought. Thank you, dear friend. Keep shining!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Amy, it is such a joy how you engage with my attempts at direction and clarity :)) And then add yours to it. Identities are quite a juggle indeed and as you said – beyond identities it is a game of skilfully matching the frequency of perceptions. It was long time lesson for me to learn to interact with those who trigger me – one wound to another, or just those who need more compassion than I can gather in a moment’s flash of their personality. The philosophy that I focus these writings on thankfully have guidelines for all – I have already written a past email on this exact thing. Implementing and embodying those guidelines is a story of the lifetime. It is my attempt to write only through the lens of this philosophy in these emails – it helps me integrate to. Thank you very much for your time and kind attention. You are welcome to join my email conversations from the link – you may choose to read or not, responses are not necessary too – as it is on your email if you have the time. I value your presence here more than anything so totally your choice.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much Val for appreciating and encouraging. I started writing emails on these topics at the beginning of this year and enjoying the integration. I am not sure yet if I will continue to share them all here – will see how I feel led ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

    • I am so happy to know you were interested in this and you found my interpretations meaningful, thank you!! If you feel called to, do go ahead and join me on that list because these are the only topics I would write about to that group. Only if you want to, I value your presence here more than anything else.


  3. I love this post with all of my heart. It is the resonance of the Divine in your words, and actions, Pragalbha. The space of complexity of identity, and of attachment is suffering, understanding that these identities are One, and that attachment is illusion, a space of understanding is created, even when we fall back into identities and attachment. It comes and goes, and comes and goes, and yet, as I read in your beautiful writing, when we can understand and accept both, the identities and non-identity, and the attachment and the detachment, we are beginning to get It. I signed up too, and look forward to reading more from you soon. ๐Ÿ™โœจ๐Ÿ’™

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jeff you are very kind, thank you for appreciating and sharing your thoughts. You bring out the polarity at work here so beautifully. The falling in and out of identities, the awareness, the attachment and detachment – so much of our humanness and a certain brilliance at work here. What a joy to have you reading all that flows through ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  4. “Yoga is a game of identities.” What a striking line and I love the thoughts it opens up in me as well as the musings you share here. I love to the idea of doing less and living in balance with that. Lovely! โค

    Liked by 1 person

  5. โ€œNext time you feel overwhelmed say :โ€Thank you Mind, for showing me the complexities of all my roles through the overwhelming feelings I have. I got this from here โ€“ I need some space, now that I have heard all that you are saying, so you can rest now! โ€œ I will definitely keep this in mind. There are many times I want to say Thank you, mind & itโ€™s time to let go now. I try various versions of this! Much love your way, Pragalbha

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ah yes dear Ka I totally trust that you exactly know what I mean and are very skilled at practicing it ๐Ÿ™‚ It makes me so happy to know that you use different versions of this. It is so good to have this awareness that we can take space from our mind and yet just can be so tricky sometimes! Loads of love to you too.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I love these teachings, they flow like the exercises themselves, becoming One.
    I can relate with the Identities~Asmita~ especially during my career years of being a full time working Mother of two. And the clashes that would occur. As juggling being Wife, Mother, my job along with my spiritual path which was also unfolding at the time..

    I have learnt much over the years dear Pragalbha, in going within that Centre of Who I AM… Now Honouring ME, not the identity of labels given me by others. It was indeed at times a struggle in keeping ones Own Identity in tact.. As one felt pulled and pushed in other peoples life plans. And I had to learn the best little word in the dictionary.. And that was to say NO…

    It took a long while for that little word to become powerful. until I overcame the fear of rejection, ( stemming from my childhood years ) ..
    So it is apt that Abhinivesha ~ Overcoming the Fear of the outcome. is last upon the list of your YogaSutra…

    Many thanks Pragalbha. This post was very insightful…. Sending LOVE and gratitude your way my dear friend โค ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™โœจ๐Ÿ’–

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am truly grateful for your reflections on this post of mine dear Sue – because you have so deeply and powerfully lived these teachings, modeled and inspired all the wisdom that emerged through your truthful journey. It has fortified mine all along. These identity intersections and the confusion they create are so real – I now know that you were a full time working mom, if I had missed that earlier.

      ” I had to learn the best little word in the dictionary.. And that was to say NOโ€ฆ” – Oh Goodness yes – how abhinivesha had to be worked out alarmingly for me, a simple yet a very difficult lesson to implement as a change in pattern, healing the childhood wounds. I am honored by your appreciation of my attempt to now begin to put life experiences through the framework of yogasutras. Thank you very much Sue for being here, means a lot to me.

      Liked by 1 person

    • I am glad to know you find it interesting ๐Ÿ™‚ Identities is the game of life I think – it is so hard to shake it off or even be aware of it often times – and that is the suffering and our continual journey of awareness and process of letting go. Thank you very much Kathy for your kind visit.

      Liked by 1 person

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