Ablaze with Truth

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‘ABLAZE’  – Photo by Manish Doshi

 

It is a visceral feeling.
The emotion of anger.
It feels like an old one. It is so physical as if ablaze.
That block, the lead block right on the core of my heart, it is heavily burrowing down. Into the deep abyss of my being.
Get it offf now!

I am angry. I am angry about smiling through it all …all these years.
I am angry that I had such positivity. ..all these years.
I am angry I had so much love and the need for love in me that I overlooked and even enjoyed this same thing.
I am angry that I wasn’t angry the first time this happened.

I am speaking the truth regarding this for the first time.
The truth that I had no idea of. The truth that was buried deep down to fulfill my other needs.
That’s it.
It has been my choice all along. To smile through it. To keep finding what is right in it. To hold it in my pot of love.

Today it is me who has changed.
It is me who has become aware of my hidden truth.

I am actually ablaze with this revelation.
With no skill whatsoever to contain it and express it, it has come as anger.

It is still visceral …yet it has changed.
The blaze has softened. I have finally seen it and honored it for what it is.
The iron block on my heart, still there.
It is so much of grief and guilt over my unskilled expression of my truth.
My assumption that it is wrong to feel this anger. That it is wrong to feel this bad, about something I accepted as normal, all my life.

Awakening to my own truth and suddenly choosing it and living it, is a very raw experience.
As if a rebirth into another person.
Definitely an unexpected guest, often an unpleasant one, in the lives of those accustomed to my smiling through it.
I decide to accept my anger for what it is.
I give myself permission to feel the human emotion of anger.

It came as a visceral wave of awakening and it has passed.
I am left with this heavy brick on my heart
I pour love for myself. Hold myself with compassion.

It is amazing to physically feel the brick soften.
And now melt and diffuse.
I feel space. I feel a soft strength.
There is a freshness in the way of my being.
There is a quiet quiet space of being.
Soothing and healing and forgiving.
I will stay immersed in this silence today.

 

P.S. This post is a contribution to ForgivingFridays of dear blogger Debbie. My wish is of self healing and forgiving through the process of becoming aware of our own Truth.

This post was originally published at This Glorious Mess on Medium

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Let me in …to your Soul

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Liquid Pearls – By Vikram Phale

 

If I could burrow a hole
Through your heart, maybe to your soul

Perhaps through your thinking brain
I would do so with much no refrain

I would pour some pearls of Love
And then So much love, to the point of

You would not have much choice
But to feel all of your beauty arise

 

P.S. Dear Debbie, I am honored to contribute this poem to ForgivingFridays. My wish is that every soul finds solace from turmoil and receives all the Love Universe has to offer. You work in forgiveness facilitates just that oh so wonderfully.

Gratitude Attitude

 

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Photo Credit: Vikram Phale

My gratitude is not my weakness
My softening at heart not my meekness

My gratitude was once my survival
My breaking down was emerge & arrival

My gratitude is now my treasure
My attitude by which I measure

My gratitude is actually my strength
My existence made magnificent at length

My gratitude propels my life velocity
My refuge it is to contain life’s intensity

My gratitude is not my neediness
My choice it is to stay connected with Oneness

 

P.S. Dear Debbie, please accept this Gratitude poem as a contribution to ForgivingFridays

Beautiful Life & YOU

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Precious Times & Me

Sometimes being in a certain place nourishes more than any food can ever could. That’s how I feel when I look at this photo from a personal retreat I had been to.

There was so much perfection of space and time. A Hafiz poetry book just as if walked up to me …drenching my soul in the feeling of eternal love and contemplation for hours. Just the memory of that time at this place brings a luxurious peaceful feeling to me.

This moment now I am feeling such grace of gratitude flow through me. I wish to go back to that place yet I don’t need to. Those hours and moments in that place are just alive in me forever.

Such moments are a gift of this lifetime. They keep you satiated in precious ways. They help you find the treasure of gratitude for exactly where you are.

The yearning and the seeking takes a break. Right now is one such moment for me.

I am thinking of every single person and soul that has been a perfect intersection in my life. All those who have been perfection to my existence. You called me at perfect times. You said the perfect words …as if speaking aloud the whispers of my soul that were being dumbed down by the outer noise. Yes, YOU. YOU know who you are.

I am thinking of all those with whom I am virtually connected with. You are as real in my world as any other, because your words have made priceless difference to me. You have helped me live my dream life of seeing, acknowledging and connecting at the most authentic level.

I think of all the people that I have not been a best of myself to. I have often faltered in my human ways. I have been very sorry in my heart. I am yet to find the courage to get to each one of you. To melt the walls of thickness between us. I am grateful for you.

I look at this photo of mine at this place and feel gratitude for my time on Earth and the beautiful life that keeps coming to me. This is how I feel in this moment now. For now, that’s all. And now.

May all of the beauty of life flow in all preciousness to us all …and we flow in life with ease and joy.

 

P.S. Dear Debbie, it is my pleasure to make this post a contribution to ForgivingFridays. You are a kind loving presence in this space.

Just how did the writer in me get born?

When drippings from a touched soul find their way in writing
A poet is born

When the beauty is undying and the joy so fulfilling
A poem is born

When feelings are heart wrenching and clarity is killing
A poem is born

When a surge comes as discomfort and words pour out
A writer is born

When the harmony felt is such that there is no choice but rhyme
A poem is born

When made-up words bring meaning and no-rhyme verse feels musical
A poetry is born

When living alive to feelings, words come to life
A writer is born

When clarity becomes more intense than the pain that afforded it
A writer is born

When no human around can suffice to contain the expression
A poetry is born

When a release is looking to flow out at an unearthly hour
A writer is born

When words choose the person as if a channel
A writer is born

When none can be planned to rhyme or reason
A poet is born

When human spirit gets broken to million-times-ten pieces, yet finds beauty
A poet is born

When Life decides to peel back layers of truth down to the core
A writer is born

When each level of façade is stripped down to bare soul
A writer is born

When all the suffering was a gift, lived through or let through
A writer is born

When there is no knowing if there is more from where it came from
A writer is reborn

When it comes from a place that is hard to own
A writer is born

When the essence of being is wrung out in best expression
A poetry is born

When it feels like a soft glove over the brutal thing
A poetry is born

When the loneliness in truthfulness is more than can enjoy yet
A writer is born

When inspirations come out of nowhere as if universal cues
A poet is born

Every story a writer writes may not be the writer’s story
But then the writer lives within herself
A thousand lives or the stories of lifetimes
Often that of all of humankind

So if you can just rest
In the drippings of the writers’s soul
Momentarily let go off the sufferings you insist on
A writer would feel content for being born.

After the Storm

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Storm raging
(Nature choosing it’s rhythm,
seasonal rains or a tragic disaster)

I watch through curtains flying in
Rains and winds howling
There is destruction
There is chaotic flurry
Broken homes empty
Yet sky so pretty

Storm raging
(Human mind losing it’s rhythm,
everyday upset or a traumatic event)
I feel with mind closing in
Emotions and overthinking
There is breathstruction
There is confused fury
Broken dreams hearty
Yet hopes so many

The storm passes away
(After the storm of both kinds)
Everything is at standstill
Eerie quiet and also disarray
World as you know it, is no more
Some changes sting to the core
Rearranges what you see and believe
All that you think will help relieve

Drop into the blanks
Collect the right thoughts
To build a new dream
Collect the right planks
As if to build a new home

Step at a time, carved to lead you there
New ways to discover waiting where
Don’t rush, the road is wet and slippery
Take time to scan the landscape
Courage and surrender required so very
Tread with faith, there is no escape