About Being Myself

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Photo of Moon by myself

Growing up around a lot of extended family and friends who were more affluent than my family was, I never really had envy. It was a matter of fact for me that you have some things that I don’t. I remember once a cousin who owned all the latest CDs, excitedly sharing with me about it, apologized to me “oh I didn’t know, I am so sorry you don’t have a CD player.” As if I lacked a family member, I thought. I just responded “Why sorry, I just don’t have a CD player.” I think I simply enjoyed the feeling of abundance they enjoyed and was very much interested in their life. I can have all that some day I imagined and yet never really prioritized having ‘things’ in my life.

What I craved was people, authentic people. I looked for genuine care and unconditional love, and struggled to fit in, wherever I went. I didn’t know that though. So I envied the confidence in people. Often being affluent made people more confident in the world – like they owned the world in some ways I didn’t. I mistook it as something being wrong with me. It didn’t cross my mind that money made the difference. They kept showing the riches to me, I kept looking at it and saying to myself “yes but I want to become like you, be more confident in being myself”

I was amused to realize that my life long quest of living as authentically as possible, has this root in my envy for confident people and those with artistic abilities. That is how I discovered that what I think of envy is actually my admiration for people who can express themselves in ways I can only dream of.

My honesty and vulnerability in my quest for authenticity was repeatedly taken for my weakness, and that became a further blow to my confidence. I am emerging from that too. I have nothing to prove to anyone as much as I owe to myself, the gift of being myself. This is one journey that I have mastered very well and yet always be a beginner forever on the way. I have discovered that I can be way more courageous than just confident.

I love and admire people who have what I don’t have in me yet.
I keep learning to love myself more and more with all my perceived shortcomings.
It gives me a renewed taste of newfound freedom continually.

I wished to highlight these lines above from my previous post as a reminder to myself for everywhere I am not living this in every fiber of my being. I am committed to waking up with more love and freedom in being myself for the rest of my life. I also know that I will have days when I falter and slide away from this commitment, and wake up in judgment and fear instead. I feel immense gratitude for being in association with those who model greater faith, trust, capacity, resilience and joy of living and being alive. They fill my day and life with abundance and blessings. I get to borrow from them what I might wake up lacking for the day. I consciously practice filling my cup and then rejoice in gratitude when I can be a channel of support to others.

A Similar Post : Envy & Inspiration

More on the topic
5 lines about Envy : Envy & What can Be
Thought image: Eyes Look Longingly
Short poems:
Here, Take them All
Parallel Disappointment
Show up with your gifts

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94 thoughts on “About Being Myself”

  1. A wonderfully insightful article Pragalbha … and yes our lives are a process of learning and self discovery … especially after many years of hardship, and now there is self doubt in our ability to readjust and cope with the new journey that awaits us …

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  2. Looking beyond riches is an important step … especially in our families PD. Connecting to authenticity does bring a sense of being separate for others …. Until we realize that we are all on different stage son the journey. Sometime I also wonder about the family I was born into as a way to build my resiliance, authenticity and connect to my spiritual self. Every thing on our path has its place. Gratitude for you being here and expressing yourself 💛🙏💛

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    • Every thing on our path has its place – so true and wisely said. I truly appreciate you reading deeply into my words and reflecting back what it conveys to you – helps me own and understand for myself better. Thank you so much, your words mean a lot to me.

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      • I am glad you found this of value, thank you for your visit and comment. I wish to know your exact identity if you and I are connected personally, please let me know perhaps with a quick message or here 🙂 If this is our first interaction ever, welcome to this space 💛

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    • Thank you very much, humbly for your your acknowledgment. I did realize some years back that I am a bit relentless about this and learned to rest into my being with as much acceptance. I don’t just feel much choice as my conditioning takes over and it works against my wellbeing itself. I am learning self-compassion on the way. Thank you for your true thoughts and wishes, means a lot to me. I admire your ability to surrender it all and simplify – that is very useful I feel. I need that too, to not try to improve, just accept and love myself for who I am.

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  4. A beautiful and thought provoking article, my dear friend!! It is so powerfully authentic, vulnerable and raw…thank you so much for sharing 🙏🏻. I love these lines you’ve built on from your last post, they are so uniquely perfect. Authenticity is such a strong vibration, it’s true poise and when we find it in ourselves, we see it in others. Well done, my amazing friend. I always appreciate you sharing your deep discoveries through your journey 🖤

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    • Dear friend Ace, truly my happiness and joy to have your discerning attention on my sharing 💛 I hope to continue to crack open with honest sharing. Thank you very much for your very wise and thoughtful response. Stay blessed ✨

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  5. Affluence is deceptive. Having “faith, trust, capacity, resilience and joy of living and being alive” is better than affluence. Although that might be deceptive as well. For me, having the Holy Spirit is all I need. Everything else follows from that or doesn’t matter. Best wishes on living authentically.

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    • I admire your surrender to Holy Spirit. I am still on my way to finding it that wholly. I keep aligning with values that take me there. I truly appreciate your thoughts, they are wise, powerful and supportive of me. Thank you very much for your kindness and wishes 🙂

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  6. all those things you “admire” in others you have in true abundance already! Your authenticity, your ability to express these emotions on your journey is incredible talent, you are there and you will see it soon.

    Surrounding ourselves with like minded genuine people is a great support and finding the right “guide” brings assurity 🙂

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  7. Interesting read dear Pragalbha ❤️
    Being ourselves is the key to happiness that we don’t fake or put on mask to please others. It’s rightly said I keep learning to love myself more and more with all my perceived shortcomings. Couldn’t agree more dear friend. Powerful reminder to read at the start of the day! 🥰🥰

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  10. I think that’s wonderful that you didn’t feel a sense of inadequacy when you didn’t have the things other kids did, but rather felt blessed for the good things and people you did have. Our own unique selves are a gift to us.

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  11. Hugs. The sights and sounds of an Extended family. Slowly seeping into our subconscious unknowingly. I resonated with “What I craved was people, authentic people. I looked for genuine care and unconditional love, and struggled to fit in, wherever I went. I didn’t know that though.”.

    Hindsight, awareness and mature help to heal the child and the memories. As a child we are never fully aware. As we become aware we forgive our younger self, after all we where young. We now work on healing and living our true self our true heart. All these experiences just make us more aware of what we need to be us and that material confidence is a shadow compared to inner wholeness. And on our journey to inner wholeness we have a quiet confidence, a humble confidence. Finally we can be you we are meant to be free from extended influences.

    A beautiful post as ever

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    • I loved how you said sights and sounds of extended family slowly seeping into our subconscious 🙂 How they become a part of us literally …and when the awareness comes we extract ourselves from all that accumulation, continually, getting to know ourselves more and more clearly for who we really are, and how we can be of service to the world by exactly being that. I relate to the humble quiet confidence, I have really come to enjoy that. Thank you very much for engaging with my post so thoughtfully. It is empowering and supportive for me.

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  12. I can relate to much of your beautifully, honest post. After many years of soul searching and conscious self improvement, I recently accepted that I’m not as good a person as I wanted to believe I am… but that I’m a good enough person, and in many ways better than I believed because of that…if that makes sense. None of us are authentically all good, nor are we as good as we believe we are. Maybe part of self compassion and compassion for others is to fully embrace that.

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    • I truly appreciate your beautiful reflections on this 💛 it totally makes sense what you say and I can relate to that. Compassion for self and others is indeed a powerful practice that helps us embrace, surrender and accept exactly what is. Much Gratitude 🙏🏼💛

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  14. Get you totally Pragalbha.. I too don’t have any passion for piling up ‘things’. in fact at some stage in life i even thought like if anything wrong with me.. but, yes I’m also learning, un learning and relearning..

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    • Thank you so much for your kind attention on this 😊💛 I think I enjoy money/material abundance just don’t relate or depend on it for happiness – I don’t think it right that it was assumed I would be unhappy because I don’t have some things. I can and continue to enjoy others’ abundance if very much greater than mine.

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      • Yes. I agree that it’s not right to assume someone’s unhappy because they don’t have something material. I’m wondering if society pushes this thinking (probably) that we’re happy if we have things, and consequently, unhappy if we don’t.

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        • Yes it is so much societal conditioning. I remember now I had that for a short phase of life as an adult – I used to feel that about people living on streets, until I learned to respect their journey, their resilience, courage, hope and strength.

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  19. I’ve long struggled with being ‘jealous’ of others who are seemingly well with who they are (note: I have to learn that what I see may not be how they feel). It’s been a bit of a struggle and needs many lessons.

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    • Your note is an important one to remember! Thank you for this very thoughtful response and sharing. I think I simply feel the huge gap in how I function and who I really am – a lot needs to be healed, learned and unlearned. So my struggle is more within myself. I am ok now watching others being so good at this, I think – I will come to know if I am kidding myself by saying this 🙂

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  21. Pragalbha, showing vulnerability can be perceived as a weakness – ironically, by those who do not have the courage to do so themselves. It does seem people are making strides in showing more vulnerability and respecting those who do. You are certainly in that courageous camp.

    “This is one journey that I have mastered very well and yet always be a beginner forever on the way.” Having both a beginner and master mindset is transcendent! ✨

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  25. “I have nothing to prove to anyone as much as I owe to myself, the gift of being myself.” I hear you Pragalbha and identify with what you say. As a kid and teen, never owned a player simply because we couldn’t afford and will soon post the story about my denim which I just got as my birthday personal treat. Filling the cup matters the most and every day we can empty the negative to fill with the positive. Your words inspire and brought me back in comparing what I didn’t have. Empowering and inspiring

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  27. Thank you for sharing this perspective. I believe I’m starting a similar journey and have started to view envy as curiosity when recognized. It really is a positive energy when I choose to dive into it. It is beautiful to hear another’s journey and relate. 🙂

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