There is a Difference

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LiveLifeGrand&Deep

There is a difference.
In living to make it look like
To be seen a certain way
To be remembered a certain way
To be talked about a certain way

And

Actually living the life exactly
As what would be seen and talked about
Only because that is the only way
That is skilled and known to live.
There is a difference.

The difference is
Vexed exhaustion
And
Calm conviction.

The difference is
Unknown inner suffering
And
Chosen wise suffering

The difference is
Mind maddening rush & fall
And
Heart exalting ebb & flow

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No I won’t …

YellowRose

Photo Credit : Vikram Phale

No
I won’t flaunt
But you see
I won’t any more
Hide

No
I won’t be proud
But you see
I won’t any more
Just stay on the side

No
I won’t lose any preciousness
Any more, in having to prove it
To every one and any one
I will just Be it

 

P.S. Originally published at This Glorious Mess on Medium.

Yes I am foolish that way

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Yes I am foolish that way
I won’t sacrifice my simple joys every day
In an attempt of a future image to portray
I have none in my mind anyway

Yes I am foolish that way
My views can be most impracticable
I often go through the day sans any label

Yes I am foolish that way
When sometimes I get anxious or frustrated
Fact that we die any way has me comforted

Yes I am foolish that way
If you stand with me in competition
I will first give away what you need in compassion

Yes I am foolish that way
I value my every day true joy
Over something that is a futurely toy

Do I have a personality?

Do I have a personality?
I grew up feeling none.
I kept wanting one.

I saw some as persons happy
But I felt lot of thoughts unhappy
I saw some as being persons assured
But I felt unsure of what really mattered
I saw some as being persons positive
But I felt I needed lot more perspective
I saw some wearing their wealth on them
And I felt the need to become abundant
I saw some wearing their success on them
But I felt I really wish I had a passion
I sought to be truthfully joyful
But I felt lot of things to be untruthful

I simply only wanted my own personality
Yet I tried every which way to fit in
Also learned some tricks to blend in
Wherever I Be I became that one
Except it became difficult to keep up

Do I have a personality?
Now supposedly a grown-up
I am not sure I have one

A new friend in conversation
In complete awe of my hard-core choices
Called me in myself an institution
And visiting me a few days later
Found me a sobbing mess of confusion
Befuddled she told me
“Never imagined You could become this”
I confided in her honestly
I needed the friend in her
As much as she used the one in me.
She probed further if I had ever cried
For those times such and such
I said yes I did
When at times I became human as much

This kind friend then exhorted me
That I should be wearing all that I am
And walk out in the world head held high
Gain some confidence and personality

Veracity in the moment doesn’t allow me
To wear anything external on me
I am that I am and I wonder what I am
I live in an attempt of absolute integrity
In all the roles that can be called of me
I show up with confidence or confusion
It is me in that moment feeling fluidly
The only corrugation is of my intention

So now do I have a personality?
You tell me which one you see in me
So do I need a personality?
Or I could just Be what I have come to Be.

 

P.S. Dear Debbie, I gladly contribute this poem to ForgivingFridays, as a gesture of forgiveness for everywhere we judge ourselves for what we are. Thank you for being here.

 

Growing and Growing Up

Our everyday perceptions
Not necessarily misconceptions
Yet all that is taken to be true
Gets erased from the view
Something happens to mess it up
I call it in a way growing up

———–

You label something to be love
A paradigm of sense of Belonging
You realize all it was was longing
As you start to become the Be
That is when you see it for what it is
There is a lot of holding up
In this kind of growing up

————

For the once contained
Is now the container
The love is refined and redefined
The more spacious the container
More warmth there is for all kind
Yes it is all about growing and growing up

Confidence …split between Worldly & Universal

Confidence is being sure of self or free of doubt. My exploration and revelation about it has been amusing to me. In any given moment the word confidence means nothing to me. I don’t relate to it or I don’t sense it in my body. Wait, let me finish 🙂

If I were to think of times when I felt very sure of myself, they come very easily to me. The times when I am writing like this, some poetry is flowing out of me or I am with a student, my sons or friend to answer a question that I am very sure I can answer. At least I can always answer ‘I don’t know’. I am not shy of that answer at all.

Those are the times I am confident of what I am saying and what I mean. Yet confidence is not a dominant part of my body language. All I know is when I am sure of myself, I am very relaxed in my way of being. The words, actions and answers are coming through me from some place of knowing that I am unable to own. It is more that I am willing to be owned by that knowing, I have surrendered to all the Universal knowing that wants to flow through me. This always keeps working for me, as long as, I stay in this space that gives true joy in my being. That joy becomes a delight when others understand me.

The world is made of people on different gradation on the confidence scale. There are people of robust physiques and best confident body language, unable to recall the last time they felt very sure of themselves. This way of being has worked for them in the world and they have practiced it enough to feel and seem very natural. There’s people who truly embody their most genuine and very assured way of being. They inspire me.

I have spent more of my time facing myself than I have spent facing the world. I have had to reach to the core of the Universal wisdom to be able to survive some of my life moments. And I have practiced those truths enough in my way of being, to feel natural about them. I have no shred of doubt in me when they flow through me.

I can get very timid where the world setting asks for a prominent presence of visibility in the physical body. That is my learning curve to cultivate the essence and strength of knowing to become evident as a felt-sense in my being. And it is some person’s learning curve to reach to their core knowing and cultivate it, for it to merge with their well-stitched cloak of confidence. 

Where does each one of us place ourselves on the scale of confidence?
To me personally, it has 2 ends to it …Worldly & Universal. I will be working to bring them together …so I don’t feel like a split person in one body anymore …

P.S. I am sure of what I mean here, not at all sure of what it translates to you 🙂 Please enlighten me on my learning curve, either way, in agreement or in contradiction.