A Lazy Afternoon

Photo by Manish Doshi – On a Lazy Afternoon

Earth, Water, Sunshine
And a lazy afternoon
Are enough for some flowers to bloom.
What needs have I made significant to not be in gloom?

I decided to show up ‘in person’ to share my lazy afternoon thoughts with you πŸ™‚

I am watching myself, my compulsions, my almost obsessive needs that take me away from this abundant life given to me. Nothing a bit of sunshine on a winter afternoon can’t fix, and yet I seem to easily get back to being fixated on that one thing missing, that one kind of love from that one relation – making me feel like an imposter for all the joy of gratitude and greater Love that I keep sharing.

I am watching myself, with the same Love that I keep yearning to give others and be reciprocated with. The trick is, I have learned, to turn it all inward, pour it in oneself, for Love has to be directed inside-out. That is only how it radiates outward, pours out and changes the molecules in the air and the people interacting with you. I just sometimes wish it didn’t have to be that way, it is so painful when I have to love myself in those spaces where I am so adamant I don’t want to love myself, and yet I know how much I do love myself, and just this part of it, I want it exactly as I want it. You know what I mean?

Earth, Water, Sunshine
And a lazy afternoon
Are enough for some flowers to bloom.
What needs have I made significant to not be in gloom?

106 thoughts on “A Lazy Afternoon

  1. “I just sometimes wish it didn’t have to be that way, it is so painful when I have to love myself in those spaces where I am so adamant I don’t want to love myself, and yet I know how much I do love myself, and just this part of it, I want it exactly as I want it. You know what I mean?”

    I do. I truly do. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us on this day, Pragal. Peace and blessings.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. 1. Why don’t you deserve unconditional love?
    2. Why do you give power to this one person whose opinion matters so desperately?

    such a raw and honest reflection, hope these questions help … please take time to reflect deeply on them as they will help you unravel this block!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Estrangement from a family member and not understanding why, illness and pain experienced by someone you love and are unable to help very much, a feeling that someone you love holds views that create a distance between you…Relationships can be painful, and sometimes there is no solution.

    Blaming yourself isn’t helpful…You have to love yourself and continue to do your best to live a happy, loving, and productive life, knowing that it will still hurt you sometimes. These are my experiences and I am sure they are shared by many other people.

    Pragalba, I appreciate the honest feelings you have expressed. Know that you are not alone! ❀

    Liked by 3 people

    • “…and sometimes there is no solution.” – this is the truth that is so helpful to hear clearly. And then what you say next is the solution – being happy and productive is our first responsibility, to ourselves and all involved, regardless of what it looks like. Thank you for helping this get reinforced.

      Indeed, so good to remember we are not alone, in any of these very human experiences. Thank you very much Cheryl for sharing your thoughts in reflection and appreciation _()_

      Liked by 1 person

  4. β€œ I just sometimes wish it didn’t have to be that way, it is so painful when I have to love myself in those spaces where I am so adamant I don’t want to love myself, and yet I know how much I do love myself, and just this part of it, I want it exactly as I want it. You know what I mean?” I know exactly what you mean. It has shown up for me time and again, and in fact the more I desire it to be different than it is, it keeps showing up the same way, reminding me that I am the recipient of this Love always, and that I do not get to declare how it will be delivered nor experienced. It is the little i’ness that is being reformatted here, ushering into my being a new sense of Love, with expectations to accept it just as it is.

    β€œ making me feel like an imposter for all the joy of gratitude and greater Love that I keep sharing.” There is definitely no imposter here, as you are doing and experiencing the pain delivered and are stepping into it, not away from it, learning, and sharing that learning and Love with all of us. Oh, the joy and sorrow of this path, and the wonder in each moment and gift bestowed, even when, maybe especially when it is difficult. I am so honored to have received this message and post tonight, as I had a difficult evening last night, similar to that which I am reading from you here, Pragalbha. This was the perfect read for me in this moment. Thank you. πŸ™πŸ’›

    Liked by 3 people

    • “the more I desire it to be different than it is, it keeps showing up the same way, reminding me that I am the recipient of this Love always, and that I do not get to declare how it will be delivered nor experienced” – this here is the treasure, I agree and relate to it, and it helped to read it this clearly from you. Whenever it comes back poking at me, it is a clear sign that I am headed in to the next breakthrough layer of love, gratitude and acceptance. It is an upgrade afforded through these waves, until the next one comes.

      Thank you so much for your encouraging support – I felt very raw, not knowing this from that, real from unreal – this post went out while I planned on not posting for this week. I surrendered to the flow. I feel so blessed to get to step in to the gifts of these moments – and then have such wise knowing caring acknowledgment and support from you for what this process is. My deepest gratitude that this reached you in perfect timing. Most heartfelt gratitude for your thoughtful response, ever kindly so much _()_

      Liked by 1 person

      • β€œ It is an upgrade afforded through these waves, until the next one comes.” This is exactly so. The feeling and the thinking resonate completely.

        It is always my pleasure and honor. Reading you is a gift – it always comes at the perfect time, and also mirrors my learning and knowing so beautifully. Always impacting my heart and soul. Honored and privileged. Always. πŸ™πŸ’™

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Your authenticity and open heart and sharing is a gift Pragalbha. The journey you describe is the path we all experience from time to time when we are in a state of presence. Your mindful eye is a gift and blessing to all of us.
    πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–
    Your quote is beautifully written and so true :

    “Earth, Water, Sunshine
    And a lazy afternoon
    Are enough for some flowers to bloom.
    What needs have I made significant to not be in gloom?”

    Thank for your observations and opening up space for all of us to know we are good enough and right n the right place. πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸŒ»πŸŒ»πŸŒ»πŸŒ»πŸ™πŸ™

    Liked by 2 people

    • It is so fulfilling and validating to be received for the truth of my being in the moment. Your wise knowing and kind seeing of where I am supports and encourages me. This post had felt like – I don’t know what I am saying, why I am posting, it was alive as it was flowing. I could have easily skipped posting and yet this just went out. I am so honored and humbled that you would step into this space with me, and shine your light of appreciation. Thank you so very much Cindy _()_

      Like

  6. Sigh. It can be lonely loving ourselves deeply! I feel that too. As much as I am committed to loving myself, I do crave to be loved by another as carefully as I care for myself.

    This may not be what you are feeling but what the words triggered in me!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I am greatly deeply honored that you would share what this post brought up in you. I can relate and understand – it feels lonely even when I am in good company when I am fixated on that one thing missing from that one person – it is a huge sign of us going towards our next personal breakthrough in self-love, I believe. Thank you for helping me become honest in these conversations. Thank you truly for your thoughtful comment.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Excellent…. Self love, Self care, and Nurturing of oneself and when we each do those simple things in love and appreciation we also help not only heal ourselves, but we help heal the world as we send our vibrations out into the cosmos…
    Wonderful to SEE.. You ❀ πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

      • You are welcome. That may be a lesson for you-to laugh more. I turn laughter into love; works for me. You can try to be wise, responsibly good and serious, yet you can do it with lots of fun, not just a smile 😊 I dare you to be silly πŸ™ƒ I challenge you to write something funny! Haha

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Pragalbha, let me tell you honestly self-love is no substitute for the unconditional love from that one person we yearn. But we don’t stop living or loving if we don’t get it. Sometimes it does not radiate enough to touch that person in the way we want to. That does not make us an imposter if we talk of love.
    Your beautiful verse is worth contemplation and that is a lovely pic. Sending you hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Your words bring me joyful smiles :))) I appreciate and recieve your kind loving words, and that you feel the same about winter sunshine – so good for the heart and soul. Thank you for shining your beautiful positive light on my sharing.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. It’s powerful when we realize when and where we are reluctant to love ourselves more. I feel this. I believe I understand it well. I am also wanting to enjoy the joy that is given to me so naturally and see where I spend β€œtime” on the pain and discomfort of relating to others at times.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It feels so good and validating to read you reflecting back in clear and resonant ways Ka. It make me feel I am in very good company, and not lost as I was feeling in those moments when posting this. These are temporary waves but so real when they do come. Thank you for saying all that you did Ka- it is empowering to witness this together.

      Like

  10. All the sun can do is shine. It does not control the clouds, neither the drawn curtains, nor them that don’t want to unlock their doors and step outside. The sun irrespective shines…and sometimes it takes a winter to realise that sunshine is not just about its being bright, but also the warmth it generously gives, which is inherently embedded in each ray of its light. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • This is so good for me to read, so good :)) I am receiving your message in various layers true for me. Your words radiate a similar warmth and that light in all gentleness, reminding me it is our choice how much we allow ourselves to soak in, how much we might choose to withhold just because.
      Thank you very much for this very thoughtful and beautiful reflection, thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. The picture you’ve chosen for this beautiful post is breathtaking…captivated by the totality…the colours, the words, this earth, the sun, the shadows, the shades, the water, the tree, the nature & picture’s nature…I presume, it’s you I’m seeing…after seeing this picture from the eyes of my I…I started reading your words…every single word that you’ve written is there, I found…and they make sense…this picture says it all, Pragalbha…am I speechless?…yeah, pretty much ✨

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I often find myself getting unsettled by one gnawing little thing that eats away at me and threatens to spoil any peace of mind. Maybe I feel as though if I don’t have control of every aspect of my life, then I don’t deserve peace until it’s all settled. Yet peace shouldn’t be a reward for being perfect, right? We need that inner core of self love and acceptance because we can’t just wait for everything to be in place.

    Liked by 1 person

    • peace shouldn’t be a reward for being perfect – how perfectly said dear Hetty. Yes that inner core of self love and acceptance is exactly what we need to cultivate. Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughtful refelction.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. You are so right! We keeping seeking that elixir, that missing piece assuming that having it will complete the sense of something amiss, make us truly happy without realising that the missing piece is indeed us. As difficult and unreal it may all seem, just being happy without letting the gnawing fear of incompleteness can lead to so much happiness! Thank you for the lovely share.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It is so easy for us to feel that way isn’t it? Oh but that’s exactly when we need our own compassion and love the most – the Universe literally lines up magical ways of support our way, if we are just willing to begin first, with loving ourselves in the moment with everything there is. I say this from continually living in my own ebb and flow of capacity, I have simply learned to accept it all and trust. Sending you lots of love, ease and joy my friend – keep choosing what is best for you. Thank you very much for kindly visiting and sharing your response.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Loved your relaxed picture,Pragalbha. It’s wonderful that you share your innermost thoughts. It’s so easy to focus on the one thing we don’t have or the one person who does not show us love in the way we want to be loved rather than all the people who love us without question. Because, that’s just how the human brain is wired- we want everything and we want it the way we want it. I’ve been telling myself to focus on the good- what if focusing us enough to multiply the good? Would you then focus on the bad? I’ve also been telling myself that focusing on anything other than the good is being ungrateful to God. I hope this thought helps you too.

    Liked by 1 person

    • focusing on anything other than the good is being ungrateful to God. – this is a beautiful and powerful statement dear Smitha, truly appreciate and love it! I will remember it that way now. Gratitude has been my foremost tool towards peace, so this speaks to me very clearly. Thank you my friend for your thoughtful reflections and kind visit.

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  15. Yesterday afternoon, I was on the beach with a clear view of the mountains in the background…couldn’t have asked for a better view. However, I felt empty, being fixated on what was missing, not being able to put my finger on what exactly it was. Thank you so much for the reminder that “love has to be directed inside-out”, Pragalbha. A beautifully authentic post as always.

    Liked by 1 person

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