Awake at Dawn

Sunrise on Kauai, December 2017 (Not sure who took this picture, my husband or I)

 The last thing I read at night was Dawn by Frank@BeachWalkReflections where he described dawn as a free magical moment that too many miss. I ended my day with an innocent question within – why do I miss most of the sunrise moments in this lifetime?

I was awakened the following morning at the crack of dawn with the eerie feeling that I have become accustomed to, as a cue to start typing because a poem or something like that needs to be given the way out. I hope you enjoy reading it below. Always infinitely grateful to have your thoughts on what takes up space here.

I was awake at dawn
I stayed in bed
Resting my head
Taking some deep breaths
I won't open the curtains
I want to curl up deep inside my own womb
I can feel my belly alive
The baby me held in her turmoil

I refuse to see the light
I need to nurture this one within first
I want to hold her, send her a full breath
One after the other
Soothing her, loving her
Making her feel safe
Letting her know I see her
I understand her

I want her to be nourished with my loving presence
I want to be in this dark cave
Until she gets what she needs
She is worth the wait
The curtains can be opened very late
She needs to feel her own beauty within
Before the light floods in

I was awake at dawn
Wondering if I should be out there
Witnessing the magical beginning of the day
Yet I could feel her tug
More a churning and a yearning
For that unconditional unattached hug
So I stayed in bed
Resting my head
Taking some deep breaths

I did wonder how long?
For an amazing beauty of the morning awaits
There is no hurry I decided
My womb had just now begun to melt
To become this assured part of me
The morning can continue to grow into the day
Just like the baby me is continuing to grow into my person

Someone else decided to open the curtain
I looked up out the window
The light was bright and yet quite mellow on me
Both baby me and I, just One, now could finally smile
Both received so much from each other
We are now a ball of tenderness and a fullness
Comfortable in one skin
Hopefully not as thin but still permeable
To all the love that we can receive from the light of the day

I pray we both stay merged enough 
When we are awake at dawn of another day
To open the curtains and soak in the beauty 
of what awaits us in a magical way

P.S.: I have found Frank’s Beach Walk Reflections very enjoyable and contemplative to read as he brings alive so many aspects of the beach, ocean, sand and everything associated. I hope you also visit his site.

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Appearances

All of us what we look like
Have a story of our life
Sometimes really brave ones
And then those that we hide

When we want to change
Something in what we look like
It is actually something
We want to change in our life

I had never stepped out in my glasses all my life until this year. I simply forgot to put that attention before I showed up in front of the current zoom world of 2020. I stopped caring if I was wearing my blue glasses, red glasses or contact lenses, eliciting so many responses of how great I look in my glasses and how they never knew I wore glasses. I found myself smiling – at the realization that I have really grown more comfortable in my skin. That I did make this distinct preparation to face the world, was actually acceptable and enjoyable to me, until it didn’t matter anymore.

Social media presence brings some interesting experiences and often loaded with judgment with regards to appearances. No matter how deep my body of work is, my social media posts are at times selectively responded to, as if it is a display fishing for superficial praise, disregarding the story, the very journey that makes me who I am today and continually learning to show up for who I simply am. Gratefully such instances are few, yet they have shown up sadly from those who I considered close circle, long time acquaintance/friend. Mostly otherwise I am blessed with warmth, love and support from those who see me as a person for my appearance, also read me and my writings.

The stories of our life truly define how we show up in all genuineness and joy. There is a lot of courage often in showing up anywhere. And when there is ease, there is a story of our life behind that ease. There is a story of our life behind not wanting to show up – even on social media. There is often judgment we hold for ourselves and against those who do show up.

So many of us often are waiting to look different. Some of us flow through changes gracefully, some of us struggle. Also so many personalities look the same, pandemic or no pandemic. Every instance is a story that we are hiding or not, something we are willing and need to change in our life, or not. What we really want different is how we feel about ourselves. This life is all we have, we are who we are & how we are. There is a lot of love to be discovered in that.

Letting Go?

Photo: Manish Doshi

Letting go of results does not mean denying the gifts of your labor. It means letting go of the idea of what the result looks like. Goodness comes in ten thousand and different ways. We fixate on having it come a certain way.

Be open to receive what’s coming to you. We shut ourselves off from what is coming to us. We do that with our busyness or often with feelings of unworthiness. Always filling the spaces available to us with ‘doing’ and ‘trying’.

We then go into judgment of self, and rest of the world. That is a sure way to find a million upsetting things in our life. Things, not even in our immediate life, upset us. We go about finding glory in all the suffering we endure in all our pursuits.

There are so many things that need not define our life. There are so many pre-organized structures that don’t really work for us. We seem to think it is comfortable to make ourselves fit into them. We imagine it would be our success to show growth within those structures.

There are some given structures that are nourishing to us. Those that give us certain joys, stability and security. Those are our gifts to receive from, and find our worthiness through them. There are some areas of our personal growths that need the freedom of creation.

Be willing to create, express and offer exactly what you want.There are no barriers in the space that is not restricted by definitions. Most things come to us in ways we haven’t ever thought about them. Don’t lock yourself up in finite ways of achieving things.

Keep your self-reflection with kindness and compassion. Have a willing contribution towards your pursuit. Let go of the idea of how it should be coming to you. Letting go of results does not mean denying the gifts of your labor.
This post is a contribution to ForgivingFridays of ForgivingConnects! You will find this blog very inspiring.

 

New Beginnings

Photo Credit : Manish Doshi “Sunrise”

Do you look back and wonder how you survived those times?
Those times that it made no difference whether day or night?

Do you look back and wonder what kept you living?
Those times how come you didn’t imagine dying?

Do you look back and see just how you chose to live?
Those times when it was death of a thousand kind?

Do you now see the brilliance of Life?
New Beginnings as if awakened by a beautiful sunrise?

Don’t ever give up, keep going …
It is a miracle all that is waiting.

 

Related post : Go seek that which is waiting for you!

PS : This post is a contribution to ForgivingFridays of Forgiving Connects.

A Good marriage is the Best

Picture: Self  ‘A perfect fit?’ Editing: Vikram Phale

A happy marriage does not simply exist
The choices of happiness in it does

A perfect marriage does not just exist
The courage and kindness in one does

A marriage with all agreement does not exist
The growing up in disagreements does

A forever romantic marriage does not exist
The willing creation of undefined love does

A successful marriage does not already exist
The commitment towards success in it does

 

Some of my in-depth views and articles on this topic below!

Is there a Perfect Spouse?

Don’t Blow up your Life!

Truthful Commitments

Relationships …a choice or a privilege!

What do I Really Want?

Photo Credit : Manish Doshi, Editing : Vikram Phale

What do I want?
What do I really want?
Everything anyone would ever want
I seem to have it all

Looks like it all fell to my lap
Just I paid with my life for all that
At times allowed my heart to be taken out whole
Be shaped like whatever anyone wanted
Often put back half used and cold

What do I want?
What do I really want?
Everything anyone would ever want
I seem to have it all

Now is the time
To ask for exactly what I would want
Until now I wanted just what everyone would want
Now is the time
To explore exactly what I am here for

My heart feels safe
In the warmth of my rib cage
Embody gratitude for all that I am gifted
Just not willing to stop asking more
Finally feel worthy to the core

All roles well played
Each and everyone, their’s and mine
To help me realize
It is me and my heart
Forever together in this lifetime

All else just tremendous perfection
Of how we find other in intersection
Keep nurturing our hearts
Knowing deeply “We are One”
Through eternity & this life in all sorts

What do I want?
What do I really want?
Everything anyone would ever want
That is exactly what I want and more.

 

Yoga – My work & Life

Top Writer in Inspiration

Congratulations! You are now a top writer in Inspiration
Great Work! Pragalbha Doshi

Today I received an email from Medium that said exactly the words above! 🙂

The title of this post is a seed I am sowing. In this rich fertile land of readers and writers alike. This seed is now ready to flourish and grow beyond it’s own knowing of it’s own potential.

I am now ready to receive the BEcoming of this title. The ‘Top’ …I am not sure what it means. The ‘Writer’ I will always BE, because I have a lot to say to humanity. The ‘Inspiration’ is what I want to be in the essence of my Being. I always wanted to be …I chose to be a yoga teacher for that simple reason. To create a difference in the way we live life …from the root level, live for and with a sense of wellbeing.

For a length of time I treated myself and my writings as happy accidents, and all appreciation on my work as happier accidents. I mostly felt only gratitude and sometimes overwhelmingly so. I have also felt as if I am not sure how long this will keep going.

When I first began sharing my writings, they felt like a huge act of courage. Like opening up the inner workings of my brain to the world … wide open to be seen. And I was very pleasantly surprised to receive only kindness, acceptance and love in this space. The true regard for spoken word and the validation nourished me.

I found encouragement, motivation and inspiration in this space, sometimes to the point of cracking myself open through my own resistance.

Along with tremendous gratitude to all and those of you who contributed to me in these powerful ways …I post this title with a resolve within myself.

A resolve to Be myself and do all that it takes to begin the cycle of courage all over again.  To be willing to open up with deeper levels of my brain’s working. To lay everything out there like never before …and just like before.

You, my friends and readers have helped me soften the edge of what it feels like courage. I receive and embrace ‘Top Writer in Inspiration” with a sense of lightness now. I exactly know how it unfolds. I will simply keep writing with all my heart …all the truths of myself and my being. The seed is sown in good soil. It is nourished and will keep thriving!

My friends, I look forward to witnessing and nourishing our journeys together!

 

Choose!

To understand something
It gets broken down to pieces

So it is, often, with your Self

Only be worried about
Not choosing to pick up the pieces

To build anew.

…With Love

Give  IT  time …with love
Give what  IT  takes …with love
Give  IT  fiercely …with love
Give  IT  all …become love

Give  IT  space …with love
Give  IT  up …with love
Don’t give up on  IT  …just love
Watch  IT come back …with all the love!

Brightness and lightness of it all

I look up at the sky on a starry night, there are countless twinkling stars. I focus on one star, the rest disappear for me. Its tremendous luminosity extended to me, to be received. As I fill up myself with the light, I find a sense of clarity in my being. I expand my view in the sky again. My star now is a tiny sparkling speck, only one of countless others. I zero in back on the one that I claim mine, it exists as if just for me and I exist just as if its light.

Such are all of us here. Just one speck in this sea of humanity, but no less than a luminous star when we allow the light. Each one of us unique in the way we can shine. We are all held in this precious space, our part of the sky. Our clarity being nudged and cracked open. We sometimes scatter out in more spaces, to claim more of the sky with our light of clarity. Doubts and distress are just weathers passing by. We are all part of the same journey, held by the same sky.

The sky can hold and support the one who is willing to shine. Shine in the way of feeling that comes from the grit towards clarity and truth. And then whatever way that can translate into kindness, in this sea of humanity. A small difference that we make for anyone, could be a world of a difference to that one.

I ask  not how the sky can support me, I ask how else am I willing to show up, in my life, so when the sky holds me, I just shine!