Healing & the Emerging Beauty

Photo by myself

I found myself in this tender raw space of being this past week. Outwardly I was functional for day to day life and inwardly I have been sliding down, what I now call, a healing hole. It is a messy, vulnerable experience every single time when that happens. You know the kind of unwellness that you feel and there is actually nothing really wrong in the present times? The kind that would convince you of your loneliness when actually what is true is the wisdom of being present with the aloneness in this process.

I felt assured that I will be guided and supported throughout. There was something within me that was almost thrilled at this opportunity of cleansing and renewal that it usually is. Knowing fully well it comes with much heart ache, tears and discomfort.

It can get pretty dark and lonely in the mind forest where you are clearing away the dense thicket of old beliefs, tendencies and old patterns. Some are so much our comfort zone yet a source of continual Dis-ease. I am not new to this geography of our mind for how we create our reality from all that we allow to grow here.

Just in case that I don’t lose myself fully in the seeming abyss, I made sure I informed few friends that I am feeling the urge to isolate. One soul friend accompanied me into my thickest and reminded me to remain in this human state of suffering only long enough that I am actually using it to clear out the old, and emerge renewed. The realities that we get stuck in, are mostly created in our mind by humans around. It is our responsibility to change that. She reinforced my connection with this Universe, my oneness with the Earth, the sky, the grass, so I could tap into the Infinite source to breathe and feel good where I am.

I found access to a deeper level of myself, that corner of my mind basement that had long gotten neglected. I had to shine the light on everywhere I was conforming at the cost of being my true self. I had to become comfortable to allow the chaos while I clear the space and make the required shifts to reclaim my power. It can feel very disruptive and scary, but then it is all in the mind. The only way out is through.

Photo by myself

I am amused at my arrogance that I feel shocked initially for having to do this inner work yet again. Judging myself for getting hit with this intense a low. As I watched myself continue to slip deeper, I knew I had to surrender to the wave. I slowed down to the fullest. Giving myself full permission for zero productivity. It is surprising how all the necessary gets done with better quality of attention and satisfaction this way.

No matter who is available for us, these are lonesome stretches that we have to be willing to walk through, without mistaking it for being alone, or trying to escape it. Even though it might feel excruciatingly lonely while going through some of it. How we relate to family and society are constructs of our minds. The greatest support from our immediate family is the space for these individual journeys. Drawing boundaries around our personal well being is a necessity.

I marvel in gratitude at how richly beautiful this life is, how amazingly supported we are. AmyRose a divine friend from this blog world sensed where I am through my comment on her blog and wrote this to me, affirming powerfully –

This journey all of us have been on is far from easy. We all have our good, bad, and then some iffy days. It takes practice acting like you and not how you have been conditioned to behave. You are fortunate you are learning this now, for the energies are creating the opportunities for you to grow rapidly. Always listen to your heart for it will not ever lead you wrong. You will know when you do or say or think something that is not lined up for your highest good because your Inner Guidance will not leave you alone until you rectify whatever it is that rubs your Golden Heart wrong. Be gentle with yourself ….”
(Do visit Amy by clicking on her name above, you will find her photography, and authenticity incredible at the least! She inspires me, guides me through her work and words.)

Today I woke up with a very tender nascent feeling, as if I had managed to crawl back to the rim of the hole and now simply absorbing the light. I decided I will take a break from my every Monday blog post. I felt exhausted and absolutely blank about wanting to share anything. Then the following words popped up as FB memory, that I had posted on my wall exactly 6 years ago today in 2015, when I didn’t know what a blog meant and that I would be called a writer.

I felt charged with aliveness after reading these words, a bold reminder of how I have been here before. That I can restart small and slow. I decided to put those words on the burst of blooming pink flowers as you can see at the top of this post. I thought I would post just that image. Then I realized I do not want to only share the full bloom of the flowers. I also want to share about my experience of having gone underground into the dirt before I could find my own joy beginning to bloom again.

I trust the process always. It only gets better from here.

Original photos used for above images below

P.S. I am truly blessed to have your comments.
I have been feeling a tug for not being able to visit your work as consistently as I would like in these few days. I will catch up on all that I miss, genuinely my loss as I love indulging in all the beautiful works by my friends here. Much Love & Gratitude.

The most memorable thing anyone said to me

Myself in the Tall Woods – Photo by Manish Doshi

During one of the weekend trainings that I was taking about 5 years ago, another girl who was about my height or an inch taller, came up to me and said

“At your height, you really teach us how to stand really really tall!”

I had a good laugh with her and responded “This (height) is all I ever got, so I just stand that’s all”

She then shared with me how my passionate contributions to discussions had helped her gain confidence in her ability to speak up for herself, ask questions in front of the group.

I don’t remember being bothered, but I have been reminded all my life of being short. Nobody did the reminder as amazingly for me as this kind classmate did!

I thought this was the most memorable thing that anyone said to me. Then few months ago, I was in a phone conversation with a long time friend, sharing our latest life experiences with each other lovingly. She suddenly said “You know Pragalbha –

You live as if someone getting a PhD on the subject of life itself… not just studying but actually living it”

I was speechless, also because I only have an idea of the amount of meticulous research and dedication required of those who pursue the PhD degree. I do not have the experience of it. My educated friend went on to remind me “Oh you are no different, always remember that. You have a similar passion and dedication towards life itself, and to my eyes you live exactly like any other PhD aspirant.”

I remember being bothered by my lack of higher education and degrees behind my name during my younger years. It used to cut into my sense of self worth. A lot of life happened before I grew out of that and found my purpose in life. I feel content and blessed for how I was guided all along to reach where I am. I was absolutely humbled with what my kind friend had to say about my approach to life.

Now I have 2 most memorable things anyone said to me that make me smile when I remember them :)))

I would love to know – What are the most memorable compliments given to you? What do you think of those I shared?

Impossible

Photo by myself

The Impossible Just Takes A Bit Longer

Much of life that I live today are seemingly craziest, weirdest thoughts that I kept repeating to myself to the point of absurdity even. So many regular simple moments now were a distant dream of the past. If I pay attention truly, each day is a celebration of some evolution and manifestation. It helps me trust and dream bold. Without the yearning to be anywhere different than where I am. And of course at times I get impatient with the next dream. Then I remind myself to look for places I am not paying attention. To find gratitude for prayers answered and desires fulfilled. I love the feeling when I find it, again and again. I love being in the moment, as if I am living a dream.

On a visit to a beach close by, early November 2020, I picked up a stick and asked the ocean to guide my hands to carve words as messages, to move forward into the days ahead. I kept my mind clear as I watched the words appear. The above image – ‘Trust’ was the first to appear. The next 2 were as below.

Photo by myself
Photo by myself

I then stood there silently and watched the waves wash over some words partially. The ocean surely washed away those messages after I was gone – they are now a part of me and part of the ocean. I continue to wish, dream and trust happily.

Wishing you my kind friends on WordPress and dear readers a very optimistic, fulfilling, enriching, peaceful, healing New Year 2021!

Note: I will get back to visiting your beautiful posts that I enjoy heartfully after Jan 4. I apologize for not being able to take time now and any delay in my responses if they happen.

Earth Gratitude – 2

There are often days or weeks together that I don’t step out of my home. When I do, I am gifted with the most incredible sights around. The Universe is simply so generous, so forgiving of my inattention and so readily showering me with these luxurious moments. These following glimpses, all within a mere 10 minute evening walk, 2 weeks ago. I indulge in the feeling until I venture out next …

I ventured out
You dressed up

Sunset

I looked up
You blessed me

Moon Blessing

Earth
You a Miracle Wonder
Me
One ungrateful imposter

Colors on Earth

Earth
You as if exist for me
Me
Lived enough as if you don’t exist

Earth
What would you want from me
That is what I would like to be

Earth Gratitude – 1 (previous post)

The sadness, the joy …Grateful to be back!

Photo Credit : Vikram Phale

I have been looking for a doorway back into this space certainly. There was an inert kind of sadness when my inspiration to keep posting trickled to a stop, earlier this year. I trusted it to show me when and where to be. I woke up this morning with a design of the quote image above and a clear feeling of wanting to bring it here for my WordPress friends.

As the entire world went through tumultuous changes that came with the pandemic, I took time to appreciate simple blessings, the gifts of being alive, the deepening heart connections for how real the ephemeral nature of our existence is.

Glimpse of the Sky and the Earth seems a true indulgence – Photo by myself

Sadness is really one side of the coin, when a mere breeze from the air or a caring word from someone brings us joy.

Happiness heals the planet
the kind that makes you smile from the heart
…and from behind your closed eyes
the kind that is only truly felt
…if the joy is shared

Some corners of Earth draw me in, as if I am moving inward within – Photo by myself

I questioned myself a lot for what my purpose on this planet is, what is my role truly in all my relations, gave myself permission to practice being unapologetically myself and enjoyed the privileges afforded to me. I went through some major internal shifts but then who hasn’t lately?!!

As we all question what our role is
In this world when none can stay passive
Take care of yourself no guilt & then give

We are all together in how our heart lives this


I am so happy and grateful to be back here to connect with you all and further explore the emergence of inspiration and new avenues of being!

Humble gratitude to all of you who emailed me or left messages in this space to ask about my well-being and to let me know that I am missed. Means-a-lot-whole-lot-to-me. You have been the most kind witness of my inner world when it poured out and needed to be received.

As I make my way to find you and your words, one by one, I await your visit on my post with childlike curiosity for who would I engage with next as I perhaps see your comment 🙂

Choice

Choice

Photo by Manish Doshi – On the sand dunes at Death Valley, California

A note to my blogger friends & readers:

This could be the last quote image of 2018 from me. I have had so much fun creating these. Check out all my quotes at the Inspiration Gallery that I am so grateful for coming to Be. It is the gift of 2018 to me and my gift to all of you who enjoy it.

Pairing the words that came to me with pictures was like a meditative treasure hunt always. Pictures came from our family vacations and often browsing through sites of my photographer friends Atanu Chakraborty & Vikram Phale, who generously allowed me to use them. None of the collaboration of words and pictures were ever planned. Pictures were taken without agenda and words were gifts of the soul of the Universe. Rare few times the pictures prompted the quotes and other times the words took me on the trail to the right picture.

The first quote image I ever made took me about 8 hours to get the final version right, playing with all the tools, fonts and placements available. I was like a kindergartner getting my alphabets right on the blackboard. So much patience shown with me from my friend Vikram Phale with his coaching to visualize the aesthetic aspects of the images, his honest feedback always, and help in the technical aspects of editing from my husband Manish Doshi. Today’s quote above found a picture and got designed in under an hour with no help 🙂 and I love the feeling of that.

I started this blog with a lot of poetry and occasional articles. I dreamed of making quotes but didn’t think/trust I would be doing them. A blogger friend Josiah Harry of Skylarity gifted me some quote images that he made from my poetry lines that he so preciously picked. Oh the joy and gratitude with which I received his gift of these quote images! (Images created by him are included in the Inspiration Gallery)That gave me the boost of a beginning to create my own, though it took me about an year after.

My quote images seem to have replaced the process of my poetry. Poetry has become a occasional kind visitor to me in my work, some articles, some thoughts, some quotes, some long pauses, that’s how I am flowing in this blog space.

 

PS : This quote image is a contribution to ForgivingFridays of ForgivingConnects. Choices come with ease when we work with forgiving and acceptance.

Moments

Moments Good Morning

Photo Credit: Vikram Phale

Make Your Choice Today!

Each Moment Is Yours to Create & Enjoy!

Live Life One Moment at a Time!

 

PS : I received a request to create a Good Morning image, with a positive message for the day. I enjoyed making this one, on a photo clicked by my photographer friend. Let me know how you liked it and save/share the image if you want to.

 

Freedom from Failure

Failure

Photo Credit : Manish Doshi ‘Sunset from San Francisco’

Sunset from San Francisco – The sun sets on the day, carrying with it our experiences that we label as success or failure. The birds take flight through what seems to me the space of freedom, they seem to know their choice of direction. Another day will come by, giving us the space for our next choice.

P.S. I am having so much fun creating these images!! 🙂 Thank you my friends for your appreciation for the one I posted before this, that now I am eager to create and share more.

Fly Solo!

Cattle Egret - taking off -   Ranganathittu - 1F8A5609.jpg

Cattle Egret – taking off -By Atanu Chakraborty

When a bird let’s go off the perch …
Does the bird look around for relatives?
Comrades of same feathers to accompany
Does it seek, during flight, some life perspectives?
From a higher vantage point, some harmony

When a bird let’s go off the perch …
Does the bird itself taking flight
Become a perspective?
For those looking up to it

When a bird let’s go off the perch …
It finds the ability to fly above it all
Any kind of wrongness or rightness
Leaving all hesitation behind
Its flight is all lightness
The joy and strength in its wings
A sense of freedom it rings

The ability to fly off the perch in itself
Is a maturity in perspectives
It is the ability to simply Be
Your potential and your joy and your ease

What helps you fly in the first place
Is your letting go in space
Of all that you hold on to
Sometimes it is the need for control
Sometimes the lack of trust
To let go and follow your soul

A Young Dilemma

IMG-20170706-WA0003

Thinking Man – by Vikram Phale

 

The Dilemma of Spirituality at younger ages and stages …

What is it that is in store for me?
This is a unsettling mystery to me

Why is that every person that I meet
Is just a passing lesson to me?

Is it possible to have a ‘normal’ life
And yet pursue the enlightened one?

And what would this possibility mean
For those who depend on me?

I wish they don’t suffer
Because of my confusion
Of what life is to me

If left on my own
I would live the path of a Seeker

For now I tend to forage
The source of truth, in the most mundane manner

There is fear though of getting lost
Or losing the ones loved most

Oh is there a possibility to cross this bridge
With one rope in each hand?
And not this heart-wrenching tug of war
In the relentless strive to somewhere reach?

This poem was first published on The Glorious Mess on Medium.
Thank you TrE of A cornered gurl for your kind support on this publication.