Of Becoming Myself

Photo by Myself

I have circled back to square one yet again in my journey of Becoming myself.
It is my responsibility to patiently skillfully claim who I am.
I Am the ripple and the wave that keeps flowing in to her destiny.
I receive this gift of melting diffusion of my being fully, breathing and being with it.

A Moved Heart, deep no-tears-eyes feeling tears.
This is pure energy transmission through pure intent.
This is Truth of the moment. This is Love.
On my next phase, I work on absolute skill in silence or speech, than ever before.
My Life is Changed Forever.
I am stunned and moved, and receiving deeply. I am ready. Whatever that means.

In this moment I accept my wholeness.
I leave it to the shift and process to work itself through me.
It feels empowering. I am thrilled at the lack of the lurking fear and overwhelm.
The prayers and blessings are at work at all dimensions.
This energy is so fluid and expansive.

I am done blinding myself from the clarity available to me.
I am done being so cautious of stepping into it.
I feel the grief of mothering others’ emotions and then letting go.
I cared for how much they needed me to need them and so became the needy one they needed me to be. I have been part of the game too, trying to keep it all so comfortable.
Oh Truth is not such. So much peace in this moment I don’t know who I am anymore.
That makes me smile, it shows me my raw beginning yet again, to get back to being who I was, am, to be. I flow in to my destiny, from this moment here now.

I am not stuck here, I am planted and blooming.
There is pulsating power within, my container is adjusting, recalibrating for this shift.
I am reminding myself these sensations are not pain they are sensations of divine rearrangement of energy itself, tangible and intangible.
This process is going to stay alive for some while, I will stay present and silent.
What Gift, Grace, Gratitude – to hold this unfolding, in utmost reverence!
Thank You is what covers it and doesn’t begin to cover it, for the revelations and truth that are a grace of this lifetime.

This post is a modified compilation of my comments that came in response to
Amy Rose on a recent post of mine Layers Illuminated. I decided to make my end of this recent conversation into a post to turn the profound shift into a powerful affirmation, own and embody it fully. I would be honored to know how this post spoke to you.

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Everyday Warrior

Yesterday while walking along the ocean, the fallen woods called me to play on them and I found myself an experience of the strength and spaciousness of The Warrior. The strength felt is a very subtle inner power.

The warrior may have an ocean of emotions churning within, the warrior allows space for them. The ground the warrior stands on may not be wide or is a shaky one. The warrior has strong grounding through the legs and open arms to receive to the fullest – the breath and from life itself.

Later in the day I found myself contemplating- what does Yoga mean to me?

Yoga is about:

• cultivating positive energy and joy for our daily life.
• dropping the effort and developing the skill and focus for everyday ease.
• building our ability to sustain our productivity and functions for the long term.

The postures and movements may or may not be physically challenging for you. The effort is in the attention to cultivate a long smooth breath, that gives us the ability to be balanced in our body and mind. It helps cleanse the effects of stress and pain, physical and emotional.

The challenge is in maintaining focus of attention where it is required, often true even in our daily life. Yoga trains our mind for that focus, and to meet challenges with clarity & skill.

P.S. This post is a contribution to ForgivingFridays of ForgivingConnects.

Who’s breath am I breathing?

Photo: Manish Doshi ‘A Breath of Fresh Air’

Who’s breath am I breathing?
Who’s story am I weaving?
Who’s memory am I churning?
Who’s thoughts am I carrying?

With each breath I take

Who’s life am I living?
Who’s pain am I feeling?
Who’s right to breathe freely have I made my story?
Who is it that I am not left with my own pure breath for myself?

We talk about letting go. And for that process we invite all our stories and all of others’ woes to look at, to be able to let go. And then we look at them and we defend them and justify them and find ourselves lost in them. And the only thing we let go of is our deep, pure breath. Nothing else.

I have found that I imbibe, absorb, feel, sense every thought, feeling, energy around me. I pick up on it very sensitively. At times making my inner life a chaotic tangle of feelings. I have made a personal career out of my life to continually keep cleaning out my energetic closet that sometimes catches the cobwebs of negativity, lies, untruthfulness, facades, envy, jealousy in thought and action directed or not towards me. Most times I am not even aware of any of this actually going on. I just feel horrible inside and I know I am not breathing my pure breath but breathing a heavy air of all that is toxic to me. My breath catches it like a virus. I just feel it.

I have found myself very strong, resilient, having magical perspectives that lift me above any drama and trauma, in the face of the worst. I am unshaken in faith when it comes to threats to the well being of those closest to me and those who choose to work with me. I am undaunted in my intention of creation of a life of possibility and true joy for all of us. I will not give up on my version of a world where we absolutely trust the spoken word, show up as our real self and have compassion for each other.

Yet I end up using tremendous energy to keep my head above the waters of feelings and emotions of those around me physically, virtually and spiritually. I am an empath who feels the hurt behind your need to lie to me, your need to be untruthful to me, to act what you don’t mean with me. Yes I actually feel it and live it until I process it to rise above it.

I know I have done this when I am able to breathe purely, deeply, fluidly, smoothly, softly, leisurely, luxuriously – just pure breath of air that does not carry any charge, thought, feeling, emotion, story attached to it.  I am glad it is becoming increasingly easier, and the beauty of life is pouring in for me.

Do you know what a gift this kind of breath is? Have you given yourself a breath solely for yourself lately? Have you lived a moment purely as yourself lately?

I have dedicated my life to just that – taking as many deeply pure breaths and teaching you to do the same. It is a learning process to be able to let go of the stories. Even the real ones have to be let go, so they actually change.

Let’s breathe space into our stories instead of our stories clinging to our breath.

 

Yoga – My Work & Life

This post is a contribution to ForgivingFridays on ForgivingConnect, an amazing blog by Debbie Roth.

Envy & Inspiration

Photograph: Atanu Chakraborty “Reach out Into what Calls You”

I have been aware of the energy of envy since a very young age. In today’s times of social media, it has become all the more palpable. I think envy is simply the face of I-WANT-THAT. And I see nothing inherently wrong in it. I actually love to meet people that I start to feel a tinge of envy about. I like to actually share with them that I envy them for some particular aspect. By the time I know enough about them, I always find some genuine inspiration and there is no place for the green.

As a little girl, it was confusing for me to have the sense of self-worth mixed with the proportion of affluence. At some level, things seemed pretty simple to me …you have some things, and I don’t! But as the feeling of lack started creeping in, I slowly learnt to imbibe the energy of people around me who took pleasure in owning things, which I thought I would love to have too!

I learned to desire and trust that I will have all that I want and need.

Envy can hit us on all aspects of life like affluence, education, career, beauty, confidence. There is far more freedom in truly enjoying someone else’s happiness. If we look closely, each person’s asset could be their only true support system through this lifetime. People who seem to have it all very easily, are the ones who might have done the toughest groundwork to build their castle on. It can become very clear to us that we definitely do not want to be in anyone’s shoes. It can get really overwhelming to have to live all of the lives that we choose to envy. I now simply love the energy of the person who is truly enjoying something, be it money, faith, art, or love itself.

We open ourselves up for possibilities when we first enjoy the energies! We don’t have to have it all or live it all right now! And the freedom is even more when we realize that we truly didn’t need something we thought we did.

Someone said to me, “I envy a content smile, and wonder if it’s real or fake …” I say substitute the word envy with desire, I have now discovered that the content smile is the most important to want. There comes a time when all of us get tired of putting on smiles or wearing happiness on our faces. It is amazing when we can turn envy into inspiration! Simply go I want that content smile on me! Then look for what stops you from having it.

Envy just doesn’t feel good in the body, none of us enjoy not feeling good. Inspiration on the other hand feels amazing like the pulse of life itself. Don’t let anything touch you more than it serves you. You just need the energy of the person who has that smile, not that person’s life situation. You have your own life and magic to create for yourself. Trust your intention of love and service, and let go of all that won’t let you smile. Open yourself to new experiences, even if in the smallest possible way. Create space for that smile for yourself.

Regarding social media, some of us are not sharing the journey that brought us this kind of satisfaction, simply because bringing up that journey does not serve us more than sharing this smile. So use every smile to discover what’s really true for you. Smile …and always from the heart, look for it deeper when it doesn’t come from there. Every other aspect of life tends to follow a good genuine smile 🙂 Turn the green of envy into the red hot of desire to create for yourself …anything you want, really!!!

Originally published on December 2015

Recent short posts of few lines on envy: Envy & What can Be      Here, Take them All

I can Be This & You can Be That

Photo Credit: Manish Doshi “The Labyrinth”

If I can be this and here
Whatever and wherever you see me
You too can be that and there
Whatever and wherever you want to be

Just ask those who had met me
Before I simply started living and being me
You will know how small and low I lived
Before I let go of the fear of not fitting in

They will tell you how hard it is to believe
Who is this and what really happened
To the one who did not have a clue
To the one, either too dumb or too loud

I only wish to keep being this and here
Centered in this labyrinthine life of desire
Immersed in what feels like flawless space
Living as the energy that happens to have a face

Evidence that you can be this and that and there
Whatever and wherever you want to be …

Related Post : Step into the New …You

Yoga – My Life & Work

This is a contribution to ForgivingFridays of ForgivingConnect, a work of acceptance, awareness and transformation by Debbie Roth.

The Continuum

Photo Credit : Atanu Chakraborty “The Journey Continues – Sunrise”

When some conflicting energies were caused
A seemingly positive momentum got paused
All paradigms got shuffled and tossed
The heart and mind buckled & distressed

There seems no choice looking back
…yet there is no seeming lack
As if unbeknownst suspended mid-air
…yet seemingly held by emerging faith

A new place of no momentum
…yet assured of some continuum
As if all there seems to be is deceleration
…yet a knowing of tremendous forward motion

You become acutely aware
That you are simply on a flow
The current is calm and slow
You stir your way like you fully know

Then when boredom sets in
You insist on rocking the boat
You seek the adventure & thrill
And then scramble to stay afloat

…That is exactly how you most rapidly grow.

 

Yoga – My Life & Work

This post is a contribution to ForgivingFridays , a profound space by Debbie Roth.

A home with no walls

Image created by Josiah Harry of Skylarity

Have you ever been in a home like this?
There are close to 50 people in there.
Yet the experience is such that all there is, is space.
Like there are no walls to that home.
The whole universe seems to have opened up …or maybe the home has opened to the space of the Universe.
I was there with a friend who took me to that home. I didn’t know anyone else.
Everyone was so silent and just spacious within …they were just being their pure being.
If eyes met, the most heartful smiles came.
Regulars just melted into purest, warmest hugs …as if knowing what is to be received and/or given.
I venture into the ‘speaking’ area (the living room). You come here if you wish to converse.
Everyone just pure divine energy.
No name, no game, no status, no apparatus, no conclusion, no exclusion.
Isn’t this why we visit temples?
Here each person I spoke to was a temple visited.
I was immersed in the most precious ways of being and conveying and receiving and giving.
Without giving or receiving a thing that I can hold on to.
Yet what was given and received is part of me for this lifetime.
The food served, to be eaten in silence, was just one of the ingredients of nourishment.

We walk around with so many walls …of our name, profession, our beliefs, concepts.
These walls are so much a necessity to bang on, as we keep living.
But what felt like life itself was the perception of no walls.
We walk around striving to be normal …or striving to be extra ordinary.
But what we are, are pure miraculous specks of being.
I am in awe of how these experiences become possible for me …as I keep waking up to a new day of wonder …of what I know are pure soul interactions on a daily basis, just so perfectly waiting to happen.
I began writing on this blog platform with the concept called Infinite Living,
Not knowing it is actually being lived so profoundly …
I left knowing that I will always be supported in my strive to embody Infinite Living.

P.S. This post is dedicated with gratitude to Awakin Circles of ServiceSpace. I am grateful to my friend with whom I spent one evening here.

Times that become the year

MyFamilyChristmasMorningGratitude2016DeathValleySandDunesCalifornia

Gratitude 2016
For the rich, sometimes dark
The perfect roast of aliveness
(Are you talking of my coffee?
Asked a curious good friend
Adding a touch of funny sweetness)
For the amazing, sometimes confusing
All of them the beautiful times

Gratitude 2016
For the moments of laughter precious
Tears that washed away the vicious
Anger, sadness, agony too, I admit
For the endurance through it all, a gift
For the people I can only begin to list

Gratitude 2016
For all the sortin’ and the siftin’
Of all my wishes for the coming 17
Wishes of some conquests and quests
Of finding rest in best of self
And the best in slowness and rests
Heights of glory in mind & beyond mind
Happiness and joys of true kind

Gratitude in advance 2017
For everything I know will be fulfilled
That’s the faith I got from ’16
Ask, dream, believe, it comes
Cherish, relish, receive when it does come

All of you who touched me
With your kind presence or energy
Of your words, wishes, thoughts & gesture
No difference to me real world or virtual
I hold all of you in my intention & asking
To find peace and love and infinite living
In the year of 2017

Reflections of Moon

Moon is associated with beauty
It simply receives the light as if duty
Reflects back the sunlight
No ownership, no might

The Sun is the Source
Its role of giving fierce
We burn up in the fierceness
When undiscriminatory our insistence
On giving without ourselves nourished
Moon shows receiving is not impoverished

Open your hearts to the moon
Soak up the moonlight and feel the soothe
More your willingness to receive
More will your light shine to perceive

Sun is the Source of it all
Moon shows how to become a part of it all

Change …BEING through it…

Change chooses it’s own garments. Sometimes very strange and unexpected ones.

Sometimes we know exactly what bothers us. We talk about it at length, discuss and dissect the projected repercussions. We find solace in the use of our intelligence to come to a logical, comfortable, understanding and conclusion.

Sometimes the overall appearance of change causes great turmoil and emotions. Lot of energies get stirred.  There is no mind involved to give it language, no thoughts or words. Just an intensity in our own Being.

The sensitive or aware ones have stayed awake to the slightest hints of turbulances on the slate of their consciousness. They imbibe the energy of chaos and jitters around. They feel the discomfort but are themselves connected with trust in the larger scheme of things. That there is goodness of existence in all that ripples through.

The change is sometimes the storm or the force that awakens all that is hidden for long. Use this force of change to explore what is stirring inside you. What is it that is pinching the feeling of goodness inside you. Go after that within you and your choices that keep you from getting a good night sleep. Choose the next best thing that you can do for yourself and then for those in immediate relation to you.

When turmoil of change comes, the choices are to either become very small in perception, as compared to the grandest scheme of things, or to become so grand in your way of being, that you are able to contain all that is happening around you, with utmost stability.

Close your eyes. Bring yourself to sit in front of the ocean, with the sun shining above the horizon. The Sun is the source of it all on this planet. Listen to the sound of your own breath …or listen to the sound of the waves. Whichever sound gives you the smoothest experience …choose that! Perceive yourself as this miraculous part of the grand scheme of things. The Source of goodness provides to all without discrimination. Trust that it prevails in all humans and situations. Invoke it as part of your experience now!

Look at the ocean …the infiniteness of it. Open your heart as if you contain that expansiveness. Breathe luxuriously. It is your foremost right. The ocean is vast …everything else are waves …of change, of any worry, of any turmoil …they pass, resolve …all dormant goodness would be eventually awakened …even more deeply …let us make the beginning within us!