Being with Myself

Being with Myself

Photo & Quote by myself

I was so conditioned
to not being
comfortable
with myself
But then most company
did not give me
the contentment
that I can now
find on my own

 

Note: This is the longest I have gone without posting and I am not on a break from this blog space. I have grown more silent in my heart and mind than ever before. I am enjoying and appreciating the spaces in between everything than ever before. I found myself engaged in some rich experiences & ordinary yet special moments in those spaces. Genuine connection with family, people, nature and self happens in life when we allow these spaces. 

I did hit upon phases where I encountered some layers within, of unworthiness and self-judgment for how productive and creative I could be with my life. I appreciate the space that I could create between myself and those painful thoughts. I can let them pass through me. That is how I find another layer underneath, of peace & contentment.

 

This post is a contribution to ForgivingFridays of ForgivingConnects that models forgiving and self-acceptance as a practice.

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Often this is true

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Photo: Manish Doshi

Often this is true

We tend to extend our vim & vigor
For those needing a caress to their ego
We seem to unknowingly waffle & waver
For those who make our hearts glow

We tend to put those encounters aside
The ones that were so brilliantly easy
We seem to disregard & mis-recognize
The ones that have no drama necessary

And often this is true

Both have the instant bond, not of this world
No insistence or expectation, uncanny trust furled
Both respect the other’s life journey exceedingly
“The other understands” they both know with certainty

At times longingly each could use the other’s company
They tread their own paths, carved differently
Each cheering the other, steadily following destiny
They have met in this lifetime beyond perfectly

Which one is familiar to you?

 

This post is a contribution to ForgivingFridays of Forgiving Connects, a precious blog space of acceptance & forgiving.

Big & Small of how I am

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Photo Credit: Manish Doshi

Is this Waterfall Big or Small?

I used to remain small to keep others comfortable
That’s how we were used to being, relative to each other

Now

I feel nobody big
I feel nobody small either

There is a big difference…

 

*Kindly excuse me as I will be a bit delayed in getting back to your kind comments, in a day or two surely.

P.S. This is a contribution to ForgivingFridays of ForgivingConnects that promotes healing through forgiving of our judgments and limitations.

 

Envy & What can Be

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Photo: Manish Doshi “Just Be & Shine”

All that you envy, it is very possible to achieve

All that you can Be, is impossible for others to perceive

Simple reason to keep Being what you truly can Be

And that is how you might become the one envied

But then you become oblivious to the very concept of Envy

 

P.S. I think you will like another short one about Envy – Here, Take them All, if you haven’t already read it 🙂

This post is a contribution to ForgivingFridays of ForgivingConnects. Debbie Roth’s work here facilitates how we can truly Be with forgiveness and compassion.

My Worry for You

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Photo: Manish Doshi, Photographed: My son, at sunset on Kauai

My worry for you is my arrogance
As if your life journey is by my sustenance
It’s only my attachment and gratification
To be a defined part of your vivification
As if I distrust the soul ability of your person
To find your own purposeful navigation

For me to be any worthful contribution
I would find a way in thought, word & action
Offer to you with grateful & unhurried acceptance
Trust the gift of your own endurance
Assuredly allow all of the miraculous
Waiting to flow to you from the Universe

My worry about you is my arrogance

 

This post is a contribution to ForgivingFridays of ForgivingConnects. Dear Debbie I admire and enjoy your work of surrender, acceptance & forgiveness.

Choosing Teachers/Mentors – My Story

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“Grow & Bloom in places that seem unlikely”

As I have explained here, I did not trust my own company for the longest time. Now I enjoy my own company yet I know the significance of having the presence of a guide, mentor, teacher in my life.

A true mentor/teacher holds a clear mirror to your being, reflects your strengths and your weaknesses, without any personal agenda attached.

I say this because I have gone through a good number of teachers and mentors, long term and brief, in my quest (thirst, greed) for more knowledge, more perspectives. I found only very few who walk their talk, live their lessons and lead with compassionate authority.

There are teachers who try to lure by dangling a carrot of some conjured bliss. I could smell these carrots from afar. I have also met those with whom the work began well, I grew rapidly and then they fanned my weaknesses to keep the work going. It ended from my side, not without distress for both parties. I seek greedily, but not needily.

My humanness always saw the other greater than I am. It took me a while to become a person who seeked with clear intention. There is tremendous trust and vulnerability involved in these relations.

When they saw the potential in me, kept it a secret and worse tried to manipulate it to their advantage, it made me confused, sad and furious within, to not know what is really happening in our teacher-student relationship. When they infused fear in me to satiate their egotistic authority of their role in my life, it made me grieve and mourn the end of our relationship.

If I was feeling fearful or furious, it was time to be on my own. The right teachers always showed up next when I was ready.

I have the gratitude and blessings of this lifetime to have some truly amazing mentors/teachers in the present and past. They are true mentors because they know about each other and their significant role in my life. They are aware when I am working with more than one of them parallel, for different reasons. They are not threatened by the other nor is their ego bruised by my choices. I am able to be crystal honest with them. They don’t judge me for what I am yet don’t entertain my dependence on them. They hold safe space for my humanness and facilitate me to see my way clearly.

A true mentor strives to outgrow the relationship with the mentee and empowers you to thrive on your own.

I have never stopped being in touch with this kind. One of my past teacher of Yoga philosophy insists I should never stop working with my current teacher of Yoga philosophy. She even asked me to teach her the new perspectives I am gaining. This to me is the height of humility of a teacher for whom I had very high regard any way.

All the teachers that I crossed path with, helped me become who I am today. They modeled the right and wrong. I love having students who share with me what other sources are being helpful for them. I will never be done growing myself. I teach, facilitate, mentor with joy and freedom. I offer the same to others. We are in this together. I am walking my talk, if you see me ahead of you, just call out to me and I will reach out to you.

I Certainly Will …

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Photo Credit : Vikram Phale “Honor The Light Within You”

I may not boost your ego
I will honor your soul

I may not respect authority for sake
I will honor you as human whole

I may not see age or gender
I will honor your authentic core

I may not bow to your demand
I will surrender to your regard or love

I may not beg or be belittled
I will seek your wisdom galore

 

P.S. Dear Debbie, I gladly contribute this post to Forgiving Fridays. May we together honor the essence of our being, and of those around us.

Choose Differently

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Photo Credit : Niranjana Shah

Don’t choose the difficult

Only to prove you Can choose the difficult

Choose what is Right even if it is difficult

Often it is the Simplest that is the most difficult

A Wall to Knock on

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Photo Credit : Vikram Phale

 

The wall that keeps them out
Also keeps you in

The rift in the Self is always about
Building one or tearing one down

A wall to keep knocking on
Becomes our frantic escape

From the often tumultuous journey
Through the inner landscape

As if a game of breaking it off in freedom
From the often perceived boredom

The game becomes wonted & imperative
To keep finding a wall to crash into

As if there is no end to the fight in you
So seek it out in everything you walk into

What if we each keep our place
While we intersect in this delicious space

Where we share our appreciation and apprehension
Not needing a wall for separation

The wall that keeps them out
Also keeps you in

 

Dear Debbie, please accept this poem as a contribution to ForgivingFridays. I adore your posts.

Parallel Disappointment

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Photograph by Pragalbha Doshi

You are disappointed
Because I don’t envy you
I am disappointed
Because you won’t connect with me

We simply See each other
To intersect, not bother
It is our insistence
To be on the parallel track
In this ocean of existence

 

 

P.S. This post first appeared on This Glorious Mess on Medium