Is there a Perfect Spouse?

Is there a perfect spouse?

This question came up with my previous post that conveys a one-line sentiment To a Perfect Spouse.

No human is perfect. It is the perfection in relation to each other that matters. It is the freedom to be true to your being while having a tremendous commitment through all the messiness of human imperfectness. It is the dedication to evolving as a person with freedom, while nurturing the same freedom for the other. It is the care and love for the other, while standing steady on your own ground. And taking turns doing just that.

It is like having only one set of Teeth that you take turns to use, to chew on something called Life to you. LOL

It is bringing some fun and lightness while you do so for a life time. Sometimes even fun takes effort. It is honoring exactly what aspects of commitment are important to the other. And making it sacred, not sharing those aspects with anyone, in the name of free spirit or Infinite Living 🙂

A perfect relation does not limit either one from having other wholesome relations of any name and gender, because of the tremendous trust, commitment and vulnerability they share. They know it is unshaken for this lifetime. There is trials and treacherous tests of life on such relationships. The perfection is in the survival, sustenance and strength of character shown in such relationships.

No one is born a perfect spouse. It is what they give to the other, is what makes them perfect. Sometimes we tend to think of ourselves as the perfect one of the two. Sometimes we believe the perfect spouse doesn’t exist …only for us. Because the demand is only on the other person to be perfect.

Perfection comes from the love, care and also tenacity in the relationship. If you find it lacking some in your spouse …there are some points of evolution that exist for the both of you. That’s where your commitment gets used to step up and take the lead in nurturing the relationship into how you want it to be. It may not be a quick process but very much worth it. It also requires courage and conviction in yourself.

I am not taking into consideration here, any extreme cases of struggling, deceitful or abusive relationships. At the same time, I feel all sustained and truthful relationships undergo struggle. Because we are Infinite Beings, not bound beings. We have an innate rebel against any bondage. Heck we even rebel against our abilities/inabilities of our bodies! As if we are stuck in our bodies with all it’s pains.

Infinite freedom is available to us within the boundaries of our relationships for change and choice, within the relationship and outside of that relationship. There are no rules and bondages except created or accepted by us. The only important rule is your definition of your commitment. Keeping that, how many self- barriers are you willing to break? How willing are you to support your spouse do the same? Will you take the lead? Will you acknowledge the process if your spouse takes the lead?

 

P.S. If you feel inclined here are few of my other posts on relationships from different times. I appreciate all thought processes shared on my posts. All exchanges of perspectives are a growth for all.

Posts of one line or few

Couples

Love is when

Poetry

A true relation

Prose

Relationships …a choice or a privilege!

Relationship illusions and Truth of Soul

 

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Show up with your gifts

If you think that you know someone who flaunts
Step back and see what is it that daunts
If all of us wholeheartedly express
All that we tend to repress
Show up with all the best we have
Anything that helps feel bold and suave

Imagine what a world it would be
If each one is an inspiration to thee
There’s no worry of guard against envy
We carve our existence through
Expressions of joy, material and divine too

Take time to retreat within and cultivate
That which is hidden and you can create
Look at other’s gifts as deserved to them
Our gift is our love at helm

Each one can now parade on this stage
We are the performers
We are the audience of all age
No one to flaunt
No one to daunt
Our world is ours to create …

Relationships …a choice or a privilege!

Recently I read a facebook post from renowned Indian actor Atul Kulkarni. It was titled “Relationships should have Expiry Dates”

While some commentators agreed and understood the essence of his message, some others were greatly offended.

The post is as follows …

“At EVERY step, The nature teaches us IMPERMANENCE. And also its inevitability.
But WE design our lives around permanence. Around durability.
May it be properties , belongings or other ‘things’.
Or then Human Relationships!!
Every relationship, with belongings or with humans, should have an expiry date. Especially artificial arrangements like marriage system. There should be a chance right WITHIN THE SYSTEM of either renewing the relationship or terminating it after a particular period…
With that kind of a MENTAL and EMOTIONAL preparedness, we would think and behave differently.
When we accept this ‘temporariness’ ; things , people , emotions , relations etc might be handled by us in a much better manner…
Only Change is permanent !!”

I think this is a very profound thought process. Every relationship is a privilege or a choice made. For marriages that last life long …the only way it is true or fair, is when it is a choice made everyday, every month, every year, at every adventurous and also treacherous turn of life. There is awareness about the reasons you are sticking together. Pure love, respect, trust and commitment is one. There may also be significant level of habitual comfort in being in that relationship, or a strong hold of the aspect of cultural conditioning. All reasons are valid as long as you are aware of them, together. This awareness gives you a sense of freedom of choice and growth in other areas of life. And this can be true of any other kind of relations …the relations you are born with or you choose to make.

Healthy relationships are a combination of courage, strength, vulnerability and trust. It takes courage to keep evolving as an individual, while being in a relationship. It takes strength to support your partner, or any other relations for that matter, to do the same. One needs to take down all barriers, show up in all vulnerability, to be true, so the real you is the one in the relationship …no games, no agendas. It takes trust to allow all of this and still sustain the relationship.

Yes, only change is permanent. We are not comfortable when not growing into our best versions. So we need to stop locking down everyone’s reality to be a certain way, for our own comfort! Knowing that everything has an expiry to it, will allow us to value what we have and keep the courage to have what we value. We will not live unabashedly disrespecting the existence of another …