Healing & the Emerging Beauty

Photo by myself

I found myself in this tender raw space of being this past week. Outwardly I was functional for day to day life and inwardly I have been sliding down, what I now call, a healing hole. It is a messy, vulnerable experience every single time when that happens. You know the kind of unwellness that you feel and there is actually nothing really wrong in the present times? The kind that would convince you of your loneliness when actually what is true is the wisdom of being present with the aloneness in this process.

I felt assured that I will be guided and supported throughout. There was something within me that was almost thrilled at this opportunity of cleansing and renewal that it usually is. Knowing fully well it comes with much heart ache, tears and discomfort.

It can get pretty dark and lonely in the mind forest where you are clearing away the dense thicket of old beliefs, tendencies and old patterns. Some are so much our comfort zone yet a source of continual Dis-ease. I am not new to this geography of our mind for how we create our reality from all that we allow to grow here.

Just in case that I don’t lose myself fully in the seeming abyss, I made sure I informed few friends that I am feeling the urge to isolate. One soul friend accompanied me into my thickest and reminded me to remain in this human state of suffering only long enough that I am actually using it to clear out the old, and emerge renewed. The realities that we get stuck in, are mostly created in our mind by humans around. It is our responsibility to change that. She reinforced my connection with this Universe, my oneness with the Earth, the sky, the grass, so I could tap into the Infinite source to breathe and feel good where I am.

I found access to a deeper level of myself, that corner of my mind basement that had long gotten neglected. I had to shine the light on everywhere I was conforming at the cost of being my true self. I had to become comfortable to allow the chaos while I clear the space and make the required shifts to reclaim my power. It can feel very disruptive and scary, but then it is all in the mind. The only way out is through.

Photo by myself

I am amused at my arrogance that I feel shocked initially for having to do this inner work yet again. Judging myself for getting hit with this intense a low. As I watched myself continue to slip deeper, I knew I had to surrender to the wave. I slowed down to the fullest. Giving myself full permission for zero productivity. It is surprising how all the necessary gets done with better quality of attention and satisfaction this way.

No matter who is available for us, these are lonesome stretches that we have to be willing to walk through, without mistaking it for being alone, or trying to escape it. Even though it might feel excruciatingly lonely while going through some of it. How we relate to family and society are constructs of our minds. The greatest support from our immediate family is the space for these individual journeys. Drawing boundaries around our personal well being is a necessity.

I marvel in gratitude at how richly beautiful this life is, how amazingly supported we are. AmyRose a divine friend from this blog world sensed where I am through my comment on her blog and wrote this to me, affirming powerfully –

This journey all of us have been on is far from easy. We all have our good, bad, and then some iffy days. It takes practice acting like you and not how you have been conditioned to behave. You are fortunate you are learning this now, for the energies are creating the opportunities for you to grow rapidly. Always listen to your heart for it will not ever lead you wrong. You will know when you do or say or think something that is not lined up for your highest good because your Inner Guidance will not leave you alone until you rectify whatever it is that rubs your Golden Heart wrong. Be gentle with yourself ….”
(Do visit Amy by clicking on her name above, you will find her photography, and authenticity incredible at the least! She inspires me, guides me through her work and words.)

Today I woke up with a very tender nascent feeling, as if I had managed to crawl back to the rim of the hole and now simply absorbing the light. I decided I will take a break from my every Monday blog post. I felt exhausted and absolutely blank about wanting to share anything. Then the following words popped up as FB memory, that I had posted on my wall exactly 6 years ago today in 2015, when I didn’t know what a blog meant and that I would be called a writer.

I felt charged with aliveness after reading these words, a bold reminder of how I have been here before. That I can restart small and slow. I decided to put those words on the burst of blooming pink flowers as you can see at the top of this post. I thought I would post just that image. Then I realized I do not want to only share the full bloom of the flowers. I also want to share about my experience of having gone underground into the dirt before I could find my own joy beginning to bloom again.

I trust the process always. It only gets better from here.

Original photos used for above images below

P.S. I am truly blessed to have your comments.
I have been feeling a tug for not being able to visit your work as consistently as I would like in these few days. I will catch up on all that I miss, genuinely my loss as I love indulging in all the beautiful works by my friends here. Much Love & Gratitude.

77 thoughts on “Healing & the Emerging Beauty

  1. take care precious, when you hit a rough patch know that you are most certainly doing the necessary work and that you will indeed be guided and supported … no response required.

    I am taking some space for me in a few days time … speak to you in a fortnight πŸ™‚

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I’ve missed you!! You definitely popped in my head a few times over the past couple days! This is such a beautiful post. Your honesty, growth, healing, vulnerability, rawness, palpable words, foundation in love and connection to all is very much alive here! I honor, see and am inspired by your journey and process of growth; I, the Universe and so many souls here on WP are very lucky to have you!!! The Universe is quite amazing in how it nudges us along to do what we know in our souls is best…like your facebook post and the timing of it; a magical synchronicity!!! Thank you for this gem of a piece, and for your reminder to sit in the “healing hole” as evolving and transforming is what this life is for!! Sending you so much love, high vibrations and spirit hugs!! πŸ€—πŸ’«πŸ–€

    Liked by 2 people

    • Such humble happiness my good friend that you see this rich journey for what it is βœ¨πŸ’›βœ¨ yess that fb post was magical and now I look back and count multiple details of such synchronicities sprinkled throughout my days. It is so thrilling to ride these waves and catching these sprinkles from the Universe. Love your spirit hugs and sending them to you in multifold too πŸ’πŸ’πŸ’

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I completely relate to the ongoing process of healing you so beautifully describe. I especially empathise with that feeling of realising your own ‘arrogance’ in believing you are almost through, when you’re actually just beginning some of the toughest healing. It’s a life long process.. I accept that now. Much love to you. ❀️🌺🏡️🌻

    Liked by 3 people

  4. The grace and understanding towards the process and yourself you shared in this post is inspiring. I noticed a peace and acceptance towards my own journey (which I still struggle accepting and riding the waves) grew as I read your words. Sending you love πŸ’•

    Liked by 3 people

  5. The walk down the path of introspection is a long and continuous one.Your journey from the lost, hurt, healing and finally emerging anew and strong is something of an inspiration Pragalbha, a catharsis of sorts. Very happy that you are sharing your experience of learning and growth ,which I am sure many will hold on to.Sending lots of love!!

    Liked by 3 people

    • I surprised myself by opening up to share this inner world Radhika πŸ’› The quest for truth in our being does take us on these unexpected curves. Thank you very much for your support and kind words always.

      Like

  6. The day we surrender our all the walk and the journey becomes very easy. It is our awareness and living in the moment, here and now that opens up vistas to who we really are. Loved the pictures of the beautiful pink flowers and your post was so inspiring and profound. Thanks so much.

    Liked by 2 people

    • That is a greatly refreshing attitude you bring!😊 I can relate to it when I feel fully resourced. When at times I need baby steps and replenishment this reverse works better. Until I admitted it to myself, I would struggle grappling with the impossible. Life does become fun when I once again find myself playing with the seemingly impossible …it simply become casual β˜ΊοΈπŸ’›

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  7. What an incredibly honest and from the heart post, Prag. I am so humbled that you included my words to you in this post. These plunges and this emptiness that come round and round, like you, at times take me by surprise thinking I’m finally reaching the top. Huh. When we do reach the top it seems eventually there comes another valley in which we tumble down down down into and there we again find more to bring back with us to the top, in the light. We are proving we can make possible the impossible. Bless you for the inspiration you represent with your words and know your example is seen. What is life if we do not share what we learn to reach out to others, both the novice and the master learner? You ought to be very proud of the progress you have made. Just take a few moments to look back to see where you were, say just 6 months ago. I can attest the Universe is sprinkling Rapid Grow on some of us. The growth rate has been BAM WOW and then some! Sending much love to you!! xo

    Liked by 2 people

    • BAM WOW Yesss, I love the idea of Rapid Grow!! It definitely does seem so, perhaps that is why I am intuitively and inwardly thrilled when I begin to sense that I headed into a plunge. Such delight and gratitude for how you get this πŸ™πŸΌ I really wished to celebrate this process, and you are one of those who truly would with me. More often this process is judged/misunderstood as a weakness. And that is exactly what I am learning to own, overcome and digest so I am not affected by how it is perceived. How did I get so lucky and blessed to have friends like you?😊 Thank you dear Amy πŸ’›

      Liked by 2 people

      • We are both fortunate to have the growing number of like-minded friends that we do. I’ve waited for this all of my life. I’ve been so out of the box, so misunderstood, and now to be understood, is a Gift I will not ever take for granted. You are so welcome. It brings me great joy to be able to share as I do with you, Prag. I only do that with those who have an open heart and mind. Much love to you this day!! xo

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Learning and growing is a recursive process. It’s not linear at all. I hope you’re well, and I hope these words bring some sense of release.

    Also, that FB post is interesting. It’s like you sent yourself a future message.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I agree this growth is not a linear process, more a spiral and increasing in depth. I am well, and it seems I have been well throughout, it is like riding through a storm and coming out unscathed and wiser to our own self. Thank you so much for your kind visit and words πŸ’› true about the FB post πŸ™‚

      Liked by 2 people

  9. Sending love! You put into words so eloquently what we all feel as we go through the ups and downs of life! If only we could learn a lesson and be done with it!

    I used to despair of having to revisit the same lesson over and over, wondering if somehow I had failed. Failed at learning, failed at being me, failed at life. Yet nothing was further from the truth.

    We keep revisiting the same lessons, because each time we take away something new and fresh from our experience, which melds with what we learned previously.

    A friend once gave me the analogy of the spiral, seemingly returning back to the starting point, yet in reality it is incrementally higher than the previous time around. It doesn’t really matter how close or far apart the whorls of the spiral are, as long as we keep learning and practicing by incorporating the new into the mix!

    You are doing exactly what you need to be doing, and express it in a poetic way where we can see ourselves in your words!

    Blessings,
    Tamara

    Liked by 2 people

    • If only we could learn a lesson and be done with it! – exactly!!!

      Yes I did feel that despair this time, as if I had failed at living all that I had learned and preached too. I knew better but the judgment was stronger for letting myself down, for allowing this to happen.

      I relate and agree to the spiral – that’s how spiritual growth is, it brings us to deeper and higher levels of awareness regarding the same aspects of life, our patterning is that strong in some regards.

      Thank you for saying what you said last, it is very comforting to me, and humbled happy that anyone would see themselves in my words.

      Thank you my friend for being here, it is a gift to be understood so clearly πŸ’›πŸ’›πŸ™πŸΌπŸ™πŸΌ

      Liked by 2 people

  10. I have been going through (again) a process where a period of my life I thought I had accepted, let go and forgiven (key ingredient) resurfaced. The test came and pops, I failed again.

    So again I feel I need to relive the cycle: reexamine, accept my helplessness in the infinite wave of being, reclaim my inner core of who I am, forgive and let go.

    Then an enormous wave of weariness overcomes me and I wonder if I have the strength to go through the apparently endless cycle again.

    At times the light and joy and love rejoins me. Then every step seems uphill.

    I am extremely grateful to be in this community of hearts and minds

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for sharing your tender journey in this space – it is tiring to say the least, and so frustrating especially now when we are familiar with the cycle, the waves that hit us unexpectedly. What I learned from my recent wave is that I had put conditions on my surrender, so my wellbeing still depended on expectations from outside of me. It is such human need to want to depend on something. And then that is the journey given, to reclaim our own power of being, infinite in nature, part of this earth and sky unfailing in how we rise after fall, our willingness to let go and rest, follow the trail of that light and joy, trust it exists, take it easy and small, there is nothing to be proved, lower the barriers and receive to the fullest, choose simple forms of nourshment for our mind, body and soul. The light and love holds us through it all, it exists in us – we don’t feel it when we are mostly feeling grief and despair, it is not a failure but another opportunity for self love. A renewed acceptance for ourselves, trust that if it has come then it is necessary, the strength is not felt but it is present in how we follow the guidance,. find support. Much Gratitude and Ease _()_

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      • Thank you for your kind and generous response. I had been feeling embarrassed and wishing I could delete my comment.

        When everything that has given joy in the past has been taken away, you need to look for another source of joy. I know this and I tell myself I am looking within where the real source of joy lies. Then I find myself longing for the old ways.

        I have in a previous life in this life run ultramarathons and I have found the strength to carry on at 30 kms in the mountain trails of a 50 km ultra.

        I work now to lighten my load and listen to that inner voice. Thanks again.

        Liked by 1 person

        • I apologise for my delay in my response _()_ I am taking it very slow myself, finding my new ground of being as if and when I say that it is more my internal shifts and not something that life took away or threw at me. So I totally understand that this might be much more difficult phase for you. I relate to not having comparable physical strength and also invite you to rely on your spirit strength. It exists even if we don’t feel it. Joy is sometimes a faraway dream, I can relate to that in my own way, yet what is more accessible is peace or ease in the moment, a deep nourishing breath, a breeze, a bird chirping, a chant, a prayer, a nap, resting our body, tv, anything that soothes. We don’t get to put a timeline on when and how, we do get to ask for ease and support, ask to be shown what next. I relate to longing for the old ways from another time in my life, the new was a huge scary unknown – yet here I am very grateful for the new life, still finding myself through similar healing phases again, at times upset and tired and accepting myself for that even. Because truth is we are not done if we are not done and there is no turning back. We surrender, without conditions, and trust the flow. Humbly sharing _()_

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  11. So much tender, raw, authentic beauty here. Such a gift to us all! Thank you!

    I sense so many familiar aspects of this that have rippled through my own life since childhood… always expanding ‘me’ though and full of such wondrous gifts of growth and change… and often when we expect it least but certainly benefit the most… as you undoubtedly know. 😊

    Cheering you on! Grateful for you! I love you! – Stacy

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Stacy, being understood completely for what this process is such a tremendous and comforting gift. Your words always glow with your energy of such deep awareness of this healing growth – what a blessing for all those around you. Thank you so much for cheering me lovingly, Much Love to you , – Pragalbha.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. i enjoyed reading and taking in every word written. it is as if it was written for me. then this line just hits closer to home “I trust the process always. It only gets better from here”.. truly beautiful

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Healing is a slow process dear friend but we have to make a conscious effort to climb that cliff. This post is immensely meaningful for all of us, as life hurls us into many situations that we could’ve never anticipated. Whatever the situation, you may find this post helpful:

    How To Know Yourself?


    Love and hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes so true of healing being a slow process πŸ’› I am happy grateful that you found this post meaningful. Thank you so much for sharing your post, it is so thorough and practical in how you shine your light on all that affects our true sense of being and wellness, and apt ways of taking care of it. It was a perfect read and reminder for me.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Pragalbha,
    I admire your trust and your faith in the process. I felt the arc or curve of the rim of your β€œhealing hole” so beautifully expressed. Your poetic and genuinely careful words took me on the journey with you. I felt grateful for your supporting friendships. How you wrote this paragraph,

    β€œ No matter who is available for us, these are lonesome stretches that we have to be willing to walk through, without mistaking it for being alone, or trying to escape it. Even though it might feel excruciatingly lonely while going through some of it. How we relate to family and society are constructs of our minds. The greatest support from our immediate family is the space for these individual journeys. Drawing boundaries around our personal well being is a necessity.”

    I know the loneliness so well. I also have the awareness of not being alone in a spiritual sense. Also how we draw boundaries always seems to come up at times of pain and suffering. This is something I’ve noticed, too. You are so right when you say how we relate to society and family is a construct of our minds. The mind is a forest, also, as you wrote. I’m with you, sister. Navigating through the terrain of my own inner landscape. Much love your way… πŸ’—

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Dearest Pragalbha, your post, wow, so speaks to all of us who are upon this same journey my friend.. The unravelling of layers when we feel we have done and got to the root cause of our inner shadow and pain… Something triggers us to seek even deeper…
    But with each layer, each deep dive… we pull and we tug out the fibres that have been embedded within us over time…

    And in the releasing and accepting we find our inner peace and we are all of us right now emerging blossoms, as we open up to the New Energies coming in..
    Those of us who have worked so hard upon revealing our inner shadows, as our Lights have shone out, and we think we have conquered all of our inner fears…
    Are often subjected to a barrage of negative energy….
    I am finding especially at this time, as more and more souls awaken, and question, our energy is being subjected to attack….

    We cannot always see the hidden negative energies which latch on to our aura, which brings us down to make us once again question ourselves, or lowers our vibration into a state of feeling low ..
    But I know its happening to me, and to others….

    We have not worked so hard, and come so far to give up at the last hurdle.. on ourselves or the world..
    We are often made to feel this peeling away and our own inner journey is a lonesome one… When in fact we are far from alone..
    And as your Soul friend reminded you
    “One soul friend accompanied me into my thickest and reminded me to remain in this human state of suffering only long enough that I am actually using it to clear out the old, and emerge renewed. The realities that we get stuck in, are mostly created in our mind by humans around. It is our responsibility to change that. She reinforced my connection with this Universe, my oneness with the Earth, the sky, the grass, so I could tap into the Infinite source to breathe and feel good where I am.”……..

    So true…. We are One with all that there is… It is only ‘they’ who have highjacked our human collective who have sought to separate us from Gaia and Nature..

    Thank YOU dear friend for this beautiful courageous post a testament to who you are and how far you have come, and for the faith and strength it has taken to speak you truth..
    Thank you.. ❀ Much love you inspire many with your words dear Pragalbha.. ❀ ❀ πŸ™

    Liked by 1 person

    • “Something triggers us to seek even deeper…”
      This has been the most stunning for me in this recent experience of mine. I had every reason to stay happily in my comfort zone. I had no worldly reason to come crashing down like that. Yet there was another momentum at work. It wasn’t the right place to rest for me, I was not being authentic still …and I know I need to keep moving on, keep going. It can get confusing to try and explain to anyone and those like you don’t need any explanation. I could sense how it wasn’t my energy at work, feeling overpowered somehow. The urge was to withdraw from the world and yet the call was to engage more fully and wholly. So that means more cultivation of Oneness in my Being. The ability to Love regardless of anything, love myself and everyone around. Be steadfast and allow the sensitivity to be the strength it is. Thank you for reminding me to not give up …on myself or the world. Thank you for seeing the truth at its depth in my sharing. These transitions can be misunderstood and yet I have found nothing but a new world of support, guidance and encouragement opening up to me. I am beyond grateful and full of infinite gratitude to have your presence illuminating the way for me.

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      • Also dear Pragalbha our sensitivity is being triggered around toxic energy. I’m finding I am no longer prepared to tolerate energy which is in conflict. So there is a natural almost selection process going on, whereby we instinctively move away from those relationships and situations which are no longer in alignment with our energy.
        Also please remember your aura protection right now… The lightworkers are being targeted more so with negative energies…
        So please remember this is a Consciousness war, and the negative to not fight clean..
        We are the ones winning and many are finding their balance under attack, including myself recently..
        Even in Dreamtime.
        Do dear friend I know you understand.
        Do keep up your inner and outer protection. β€οΈπŸ’šβ€οΈπŸ€—πŸ™

        Liked by 1 person

  16. I love this post, Pragalbha. I’ve been going deep within for a few years now, after not doing that work for all my adult life. It is as you describe, a process, one that we do ultimately walk alone, and then not alone. A paradox of hardship, and also beauty and possibility. An inspirational piece, my dear friend. πŸ€—β€πŸ™πŸ˜Š

    Liked by 1 person

    • I appreciate your thoughtful reflection on this process. It is so comforting to know you relate to this and understand, as I was a bit afraid of being misunderstood while posting this. No amount of positivity or gratitude can become an escape for what we have lingering within and needs to be dealt with. Thank you very much for your kind words πŸ™πŸΌπŸ’›

      Liked by 1 person

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