Relations & the Balance

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Photo : Yosemite NP, CA by myself

If you manipulate your way in changing the other person in a relationship, you will not feel the joy when that change comes. The thrill will go away quickly and the change won’t last.

If you manipulate your way of being in a relationship, the other person will reflect back the changes in you in the most beautiful way. This is a slow process of skillful transformation. Everything changes. You get to keep the authentic relation forever or let go. Let go of the expectation or sometimes the relation itself. You experience the most peaceful joy. It comes from finding yourself, discovering how you relate to yourself and strengthening that bond first.

Photo : Distances by myself

It is our patterns that shape our relations. Let go of the blame of how people distanced from you. It is important to address what is the pattern in you, and what addiction of yours were they serving? Validation, approval, connection, filling up some emptiness – what is it that you were needing?

In the space that is consciously created, the real ones always stay or return. Because you returned back to yourself and allowed them to find themselves.

No judgment, all compassion, kindness and love, for oneself and others. All healthy boundaries.

P.S. 2020 became the year of deep reflection for how I relate to myself and others, seeking another level of balance in my personal spiritual journey and authentic relations. The nature of some family, society and worldly relations managed to create dissonance while also refining my appreciation for simple happy times with my immediate family.

If you feel inclined here are some of my other posts on relationships from different times. I appreciate all thought processes shared on my posts. All exchanges of perspectives are a growth for all.

Relations – A leaf that loves the Tree

Relationships …a choice or a privilege!

Relationship Illusions & Truth of Soul

A true Relation

A Good marriage is the Best

Don’t Blow Up your Life

Truthful Commitments

Is there a Perfect Spouse?

86 thoughts on “Relations & the Balance”

  2. Beautiful reflections dear Pragalbha, These words spoke to me..
    ” Let go of the blame of how people distanced from you. It is important to address what is the pattern in you, and what addiction of yours were they serving? Validation, approval, connection, filling up some emptiness – what is it that you were needing”,,
    So true.. We often meet and greet people who reflect back to us within themselves what we need to see within ourselves..
    Letting go of expectations, and allowing ourselves also to just be, But it takes us often a long journey to find that balance.. And see the perfection within ourselves…
    Letting go, often the hardest thing we are faced with.
    Beautiful write dear friend..
    Much love your way ❤

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  5. Beautiful words and oh so true. Trying to change another is fateful and wrong. The other person in your life has to want to change themselves. I have found as I work on myself the person in my life is also changing without my wanting to change them. You become a reflection for them to copy or at least to change things within themselves. Bless you

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  10. Brilliant observation. Manipulation should not bring joy. At least not in this manner. Many years ago while in a training, a very smart man was talking about his years in service to the community and to helping youth at risk. He made the comment “manipulation for the good is sometimes needed”. I understood it in it’s context. But in relationships…not so much.

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  12. Sound words to take in and ponder. I’m with Sue about the blame reference. Human relationships are difficult – but much easier when there is give an take on both sides. That way – as you state – one can see the transformation in self and others. I also think about how the election and various societal differences separate people – friends and even family. Sometimes for the better – but also sad.

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  13. I agree! You shouldn’t try and change a person, rather look at how you can change yourself; great post Pragalbha (I love your name by the way, very unique) 🙂

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  22. Pragalbha, this is exquisite. You ask profound questions for people to reflect on their relationships, especially to increase intimacy with themselves! I am deeply inspired and blessed by your wisdom.

    I especially love this:

    No judgment, all compassion, kindness and love, for oneself and others. All healthy boundaries.

    Thank you. You are a blessing, and I also acknowledge YOU for slowing down this year to look at your own relationships and exploring balance in your life. Love to you on your continued journey, Pragalbha. Be in touch anytime!

    Love,
    Debbie

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    • It is such happiness dear Debbie when you visit here. Our interactions from all the years and the beautiful gifts you showered on me have truly contributed to me. I indeed slowed down a lot and it has been powerful. I will pay your generosity forward and also hope to connect with you always. Thank you for being here and doing such precious work.

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  23. Pragalbha
    Looking within is always empowering although it may be uncomfortable. I have found it worthwhile every time. We tend to think about changing the other when a relationship isn’t working for us. This is about control and not about learning to love others as they are. All relationships are complicated and full of layers, the more history, the more layers. It is a valuable topic to explore and I appreciate all that you have brought up here for consideration. The questions are often more important than the answers. When I am willing to consider a question of myself, I know my heart is open.

    May you be well.
    Ali

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    • You bring such apt reflections on my post. I had heard someone say – Disregard comfort as only your motive. I was very impressed with it. It is required and indeed worthwhile to look within. Agenda based actions to bring out certain reactions take up too much energy and never seem to satisfy, making us more desperate for control. I agree with you that the questions and exploration is more important. Thank you so much my friend for taking the time.

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  24. You make such a important point here Pragalbha. ‘When people distance themselves from you and you miss them, what addiction of yours were they serving?’ Wow! Thats food for thought and a great way to introspect.

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  25. Very wise words! What I think about: When you try to change someone – how do you the keep up? What if a partner changes and then stays the same for however many years or changes again but in a way that suits. It’s very true that manipulation does not bring joy

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