If you manipulate your way in changing the other person in a relationship, you will not feel the joy when that change comes. The thrill will go away quickly and the change won’t last.
If you manipulate your way of being in a relationship, the other person will reflect back the changes in you in the most beautiful way. This is a slow process of skillful transformation. Everything changes. You get to keep the authentic relation forever or let go. Let go of the expectation or sometimes the relation itself. You experience the most peaceful joy. It comes from finding yourself, discovering how you relate to yourself and strengthening that bond first.
It is our patterns that shape our relations. Let go of the blame of how people distanced from you. It is important to address what is the pattern in you, and what addiction of yours were they serving? Validation, approval, connection, filling up some emptiness – what is it that you were needing?
In the space that is consciously created, the real ones always stay or return. Because you returned back to yourself and allowed them to find themselves.
No judgment, all compassion, kindness and love, for oneself and others. All healthy boundaries.
P.S. 2020 became the year of deep reflection for how I relate to myself and others, seeking another level of balance in my personal spiritual journey and authentic relations. The nature of some family, society and worldly relations managed to create dissonance while also refining my appreciation for simple happy times with my immediate family.
If you feel inclined here are some of my other posts on relationships from different times. I appreciate all thought processes shared on my posts. All exchanges of perspectives are a growth for all.
Relations – A leaf that loves the Tree
Relationships …a choice or a privilege!
Infinite Living 
Good observation that manipulation removes joy when change occurs.
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I am glad you agree with me, thank you very much.
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Beautiful reflections dear Pragalbha, These words spoke to me..
” Let go of the blame of how people distanced from you. It is important to address what is the pattern in you, and what addiction of yours were they serving? Validation, approval, connection, filling up some emptiness – what is it that you were needing”,,
So true.. We often meet and greet people who reflect back to us within themselves what we need to see within ourselves..
Letting go of expectations, and allowing ourselves also to just be, But it takes us often a long journey to find that balance.. And see the perfection within ourselves…
Letting go, often the hardest thing we are faced with.
Beautiful write dear friend..
Much love your way ❤
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Thank you so much dear Sue for sharing your thoughtful reflection. It does take a long journey to find that balance – so many emotional riots strewn on the way to finding that perfection within ourselves.
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But we are making inroads dear friend… Keep walking your path…. as I will mine… and we shall complete our mission…. The mission of finding ourselves… to free ourselves… ❤ ❤ ❤
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Yes, that freedom is available. Thank you for being here.
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🙏💜
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Hi Sue.
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Hi Frank…
How’s the new site going… Not had a chance yet of catching up, well behind with everyone… But working my way there. ❤
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I love how you phrased this! My thoughts too!
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I am glad, thank you!
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So true
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A really beautiful post, with deep insights.
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Thank you very much for your kind visit.
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😊🌏
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much wisdom and insight here … I feel your journey deepen!
Knowing that it’s ourselves, our attitude that we need to change is so powerful … it opens our heart to just be 🙂
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It is amazing how I keep opening up to same lessons just more deeper and higher 🙂 So beautiful what you said last – the power of our being is always accessible to us in so many ways. Thank you for your kind reflection and appreciation.
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I totally enjoy watching you grow … some stagnate, many give up but you keep plunging deeper depths and I know you are practising in your heart 🙂
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I have realized that growth is spiral and one cannot be done in this lifetime. I have also found that I am relentless in my seeking and don’t seem to have the ability to take a break 🙂 Thank you so much for being a kind witness and support to me.
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if you can’t ease off then you do need to lighten up or you may crash, please? Do some fun things or you can fry quickly … that’s why I practice under a Realised Master, ensures balance 🙂
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Exactly, I don’t believe in doing this on our own. I have a personal mentor so I am guided. Part of the learning is to have self compassion and the ability to rest – that is different from becoming stagnant, which I believe I can’t be.
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oh no completely different … but is your mentor actually Enlightened? They need to have completed the path, not just be a companion … as you progress all practice is recharges and you become more flexible, more bouyant … you’ll know when you get there but please be careful.
One lady burnt herself out for 16 years, it’s not a quick recovery coz you’re playing with inner winds/energies!
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I feel fulfilled with my choices at this moment. My inner guidance has never failed me and I am blessed to have actually found a path I trust. A true teacher guides us to find our own truth, empowers to follow our own voice. And that is enough enlightened to me. Peace and increasing clarity are my parameters, I don’t fool around escaping in bliss, I learn from the energies willingly. I am absolutely supported and will keep finding my way.
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Sorry I know we’ve had this discussion before … nobody else can do it for us! And you are quite right when we are more evolved our inner wisdom arises )
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No worries, happy to engage with you as we travel parallel lanes 🙂
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we will end up in the same place no matter which vehicle we take for the journey, love and hugs 🙂
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True 🙂
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Beautiful words and oh so true. Trying to change another is fateful and wrong. The other person in your life has to want to change themselves. I have found as I work on myself the person in my life is also changing without my wanting to change them. You become a reflection for them to copy or at least to change things within themselves. Bless you
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Thank you so much for that thoughtful beautiful share – we can only keep working on ourselves.
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This is the wisest experience of life. When I change my world changes. My actions speak louder than my words. My way of life, my personal change, are quiet influences. But the biggest truth is the other needs to want to change. No one can change another never.
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Thank you for your kind words of support.
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Yes absolutely !!!
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Nice post. The relationship is like the two-way process of give and take and mutul respect.
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Thank you for your kind visit and sharing your thoughts!
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Such a rich contemplation in your words! 💗
“ Let go of the expectation or sometimes the relation itself.” This is deeply felt. Much love to you.
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Thank you so much, always happy to see you visit. I appreciate you highlighting that line – it holds deep journeys and human hurts. Much Love.
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I’m right there with you! I feel it and I have have those journeys, too! 💗
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You gave me warm heart smiles :)))
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The two quotes, Just beautifully written by you, Ma’am..😁😁
Indeed Manipulation removes joy when changes occurs!!
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I am so glad that you think so and agree with me. Thank you so much for your kind appreciation and visit.
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bobby lamm lampooned manipulation
on ixv
but we all do
it ragna
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Thank you for your visit.
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yw
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Brilliant observation. Manipulation should not bring joy. At least not in this manner. Many years ago while in a training, a very smart man was talking about his years in service to the community and to helping youth at risk. He made the comment “manipulation for the good is sometimes needed”. I understood it in it’s context. But in relationships…not so much.
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Thank you so much for your visit 🙂 Yes the word manipulation is very interesting and can be applied very skillfully with the right intention and alignment to greater truth. There is so much struggle in relations otherwise because of hidden agendas.
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Those hidden agendas get us every time Infinite. I prefer the truth of the matter. 🙂
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I am with you on that, yes 🙂
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Many be the word is not manipulation as that seems negative and forced. When helping others to see things in a different light, to open up their eyes, to help them out of negative cycles, is empowerment, awaking, transparent and open. Manipulation is for me at least, is cold, deceiving, underhanded, and disrespectful to another.
When someone helps people see what they cant see for their good, I would not say that it is manipulation, it is empowerment. We all need to see things we cant see.
My humble opinion
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This, is a wonderful rephrasing. And gives clearer definition to what I would have been trying to say. Thank you! I can look back in life and pinpoint moments of empowerment, sometimes on my own, but often with the help of others.
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😊
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I totally hear you, thank you. I used the word intentionally to bring out how often there are hidden agendas to the most innocent, lighthearted actions chosen with the purpose of bringing out certain reactions – the results don’t satisfy for long and the control games continue amplified. Empowerment is whole other story – that word does not go along here, there is a trust honored here.
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😊
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Profound and words of wisdom, Pragal. In order to have a good relationship with each and everyone we have to first change in order to live a wonderful life of love and happiness. Great post. Thank you so much.
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Thank you so much for such kind appreciation and thoughtful reflection. Cultivation of love within is the foundation of all relations and experiences.
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Yes Pragal I completely agree with your profound words. Love cements every relationship. Welcome always dear.
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Sound words to take in and ponder. I’m with Sue about the blame reference. Human relationships are difficult – but much easier when there is give an take on both sides. That way – as you state – one can see the transformation in self and others. I also think about how the election and various societal differences separate people – friends and even family. Sometimes for the better – but also sad.
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Thank you so much for taking the time and sharing your thoughts. I have come to see human relations as vehicles of transformation – easy or difficult 🙂
I agree that the elections are affecting relations more so than ever, at least to my knowledge and imagination. It is tough times in the world that are trickling down into the families. So much heart and compassion needed for all.
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All situations are vehicles for transformation. And when we transform inside our world transforms.
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Yes indeed.
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I agree! You shouldn’t try and change a person, rather look at how you can change yourself; great post Pragalbha (I love your name by the way, very unique) 🙂
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Thank you for your kind words and visit 🙂
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This requires a lot of self reflection. . .
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I agree with you. Thank you for taking the time to visit and read.
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A deep reflection…lots to ponder on… identify, and act on. And yes, some of them… one has to let go of…
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I am humbled and grateful that you found deep reflections to ponder on. Letting go is such multilayered reality, often carries most human hurts in relations. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
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Yes, very true.
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This is a beautiful post, Pragalbha! Manipulation is like a game trying to get one step ahead but it’s not genuine. Your words are wise!
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Thank you so much for kindly appreciating Miriam. Lack of genuineness in a relation feels very hurtful.
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Lot of wisdom reflects here. Manipulation can never bring in any joy even it the result is to our liking. You have captioned them against beautiful backdrops Pragalbha. Have a lovely day 🙂
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I am glad you agree with me and grateful that for your appreciation of the backdrops I chose for my message 🙂 Thank you Radhika.
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Wise wise wise words. I can see your deep inner work in this post. Beautiful and inspiring. There is so much growth and freedom in self transformation
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Thank you so much for saying you see the deep work. All there is in the journey is the work with self. Relations become important means of staying on the path. So true about growth and freedom.
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😊
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.” It comes from finding yourself, discovering how you relate to yourself and strengthening that bond first”… this resonates on me.. so true and very well articulated.
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Thank you so much for mentioning that line and your kind appreciation.
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wonderfully wrapped up the realism in this article which is rarely understood… True and practical post… 🙂
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Thank you! Means a lot to me.
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I’ve been telling someone recently that they shouldn’t strive to change people, but themselves. This was a beautiful and reflective post!
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Pragalbha, this is exquisite. You ask profound questions for people to reflect on their relationships, especially to increase intimacy with themselves! I am deeply inspired and blessed by your wisdom.
I especially love this:
No judgment, all compassion, kindness and love, for oneself and others. All healthy boundaries.
Thank you. You are a blessing, and I also acknowledge YOU for slowing down this year to look at your own relationships and exploring balance in your life. Love to you on your continued journey, Pragalbha. Be in touch anytime!
Love,
Debbie
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It is such happiness dear Debbie when you visit here. Our interactions from all the years and the beautiful gifts you showered on me have truly contributed to me. I indeed slowed down a lot and it has been powerful. I will pay your generosity forward and also hope to connect with you always. Thank you for being here and doing such precious work.
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Pragalbha
Looking within is always empowering although it may be uncomfortable. I have found it worthwhile every time. We tend to think about changing the other when a relationship isn’t working for us. This is about control and not about learning to love others as they are. All relationships are complicated and full of layers, the more history, the more layers. It is a valuable topic to explore and I appreciate all that you have brought up here for consideration. The questions are often more important than the answers. When I am willing to consider a question of myself, I know my heart is open.
May you be well.
Ali
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You bring such apt reflections on my post. I had heard someone say – Disregard comfort as only your motive. I was very impressed with it. It is required and indeed worthwhile to look within. Agenda based actions to bring out certain reactions take up too much energy and never seem to satisfy, making us more desperate for control. I agree with you that the questions and exploration is more important. Thank you so much my friend for taking the time.
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You make such a important point here Pragalbha. ‘When people distance themselves from you and you miss them, what addiction of yours were they serving?’ Wow! Thats food for thought and a great way to introspect.
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It makes me happy that you highlighted this part of my post. Thank you for your kind visit and appreciation Smitha 🙂
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Very wise words! What I think about: When you try to change someone – how do you the keep up? What if a partner changes and then stays the same for however many years or changes again but in a way that suits. It’s very true that manipulation does not bring joy
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Yes, it is exhausting! Yet sadly that’s how decades are spent in some relations. Thank you, so glad to see you visit!
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