Looking Back to Look Ahead

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As we prepare to step into the New Year I felt drawn to revisit my old posts that came at a similar time. It was like visiting the previous versions of me and how the felt sense of life has kept evolving for me, year to year. This year I feel fairly removed from feeling the years as separate blocks of time. The year ahead feels like a continuum, a knowing of how I am going to be changed as a person yet there is no rawness of curiosity in it. I feel focused and open for new directions.

Following post, first posted on Jan 5, 2017. I loved repeating this to myself, so I shed some more layers of confines I place on myself. 

Step into the New …You

It is too long that you stayed in that shell …to keep others comfortable.

There are some around you who have always loved you, with whom you are amazing and it is easy. You feel safe being yourself. Then why walk on eggshells in the rest of the world? Why numb and dumb down the goodness and brightness in you ? Sometimes to the point that you feel like the most ungracious or insensitive person?

Nobody realizes that you are trying to be just the opposite, or simply trying to fit in. You value them too much …more than yourself! They are getting used to that …your misery even. And you are getting comfortable with that. In your mind you are being nice to them …stop …just stop!

They are taking your appreciation and praise, for everything about them, as your weakness, or worse jealousy. When you soar higher than what they perceive you to be (and you are still nowhere in your perception) …what will you take their unappreciation of your journey as? How will you look at their lack of acknowledging of your existence?

Look at those who really ‘see’ you. You seem to do everything right towards them.

Break the shell, crack open …Do what it takes! It’s worth it! They will find others who feed their comfort. Yes, give them the shock …stop hurting so much!

They will have to step up, to be able to understand you and cheer you in your growth. They will have to know the pain you pay as your dues. The grace you are showing as you choose to crack open and take flight.

You in your truthfulness will mourn your perceived loss of some of them, because you truly cared about them. That’s why you kept them comfortable while you suffered being trapped in an unwholesome reality.

Yes, I know you also have done some things wrong to some. Those too will reach out to you or you to them, in your growth. Just that you are not accountable to all of them this very minute, so don’t judge yourself so hard.

Go ahead take that step, a small change, break open, fly. The ones ready for growth will grow with you, or even break some towards their own growth. Some will fall away, as you both cannot see eye to eye now.

Forgive yourself, forgive them, love yourself, love them, allow yourself to Be, allow them to Be. Trust me, trust me, trust me it’s worth it. When you feel stuck and choose to wiggle out, it hurts, it’s worth it.

The ones who care for you and the ones you care for, will have to accept you as you are today. Let them know you want ONE with them, you are one of them. But be stronger on your own path. Some of them Never let go!!

Break out of anything you are keeping yourself in …one step at a time!

Following post, first posted on December 31, 2017. I have picked lines of the poem to share here because I feel exactly the same in a very different way, as I look back to 2018 and head into 2019. Title is linked to full post.

Looking Back in Time & Curious Ahead

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My family at a beach on Kauai island, Hawaii – December 2017

Looking back 2016 had felt like a poetry
It’s rhythm evident towards the end
Miraculous intensities as if waves undulatory

Looking back 2017 feels like chunks of prose
Blocks of emotions riotous, faced to fend
Unbeknownst intensities dealt to come to close

Now I see tremendous success in simply Being
The freedom and liberation is sweet
Without the need to justify with achieving

A lot of life is hidden in the slow living
Follow into the next choice after deep listening

All the voices in my head that created turmoil
Most many of them were not mine

When I decided to do nothing
Exact things happened that meant something

Universe is becoming my family
Soul interactions touching me deeply

And there’s us souls committed to each other
Deemed as Family for this lifetime
We hold hands together in joy and trust
To make it through with our individual soul calling

Each of you dear one who reads
I wish you too a curious & glorious 2018 (now 2019)
May you find a ground steady as you tread
The waves of life with each twist and turn

May we all embrace the beauty with mirth
Of this finite vacation on planet Earth

Following post, first posted on December 31, 2016. Title is linked to the full poem.

Times that become the year

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My family at the Sand Dunes of Death Valley, CA – December 2017

 

I will be on a break from this blogging space for a month from now. If I don’t respond to any of your comments this is why. When I return I will resume my visits to your wonderful works that I am going to be missing 🙂 My heartfelt Gratitude & Love to all of you and this precious virtual space where we often have our most treasured conversations. 

 

 

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58 thoughts on “Looking Back to Look Ahead

  1. Sounds like you have been giving yourself a hard time about being exactly who you are … we can never fulfil others expectations of us so being true to ourselves and those closest is essential 🙂

    Enjoy your months break and the seasonal celebrations … I will be waiting .. I like you just as you are …very quiet and unassuming 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Loved your writing, soulfull as always. We are being pulled by the Cosmos the Galaxies from whence we came to become who we really are and step onto our paths more securely as we cast off those no longer required on our journey and we reach out to our fellow travellers worldwide and into the Cosmos. Peeling off the protective shell to reveal to the world who we are. May you and your family be blessed with miracle upon miracle and success upon success.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you very much for leaving such a profound comment in this space.
      “Peeling off the protective shell to reveal to the world who we are.” – that is a very agreeable and courageous intention that I would wish to choose. I greatly appreciate your wishes for miracles and success for my family. Much Gratitude.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I am back to leave you my comment dear Pragalbha.
    I so know what you were saying.. As you try to please others ‘walking on eggshells’ instead of being you and true to what you feel..

    Indeed ( Do what it takes ) it is worth it.. Especially when we understand that we wound ourselves by holding this unworthiness that others have cast upon us..

    Those who SEE you understand YOU..
    Those whose shadow is cast over you are best to say goodbye to..

    Loved how you went on to say do not judge yourself too hard..

    Looking back..
    I see you have come a long way dear Pragalbha.. You have taken not only small steps, but giant leaps in my estimation..
    Wonderfully written..
    And I am so proud of how far you have come dear one..

    Enjoy your blogging break… I too will be taking a long break over Christmas..

    Take care my dear friend.. Love and Blessings ❤ Sue ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Sue it is so much my privilege to have you here to acknowledge, empower, encourage me – I so appreciate your loving pat on my back that gives me a gentle courage and strength to keep going. I did come a long way yet change is felt in such small increments that it is easy to overlook what could be giant leaps. I wish you the most amazing peaceful and joyful times through the holiday season and into the New Year. Look forward to connecting back again! Much Gratitude, Much Love.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I loved looking back at these past posts of yours. Thank you especially for that first post. I do indeed see how I often show my magic with some people but then numb myself in other parts of the world. Your post was a good prompt to help me be mindful of when I do this and to ask myself why? I want to live a life of no numbing.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Since reading your post a few minutes ago, I have been pondering the paradox of each version of ourselves as being the same “self”, yet different. Though we can shed the confining layers we’ve placed on ourselves at any time, the transition from one year to then next provides extra impetus for us to peel them off and step into our new self. All the very best to you in the New Year, as you continue on your path of discovery.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Beautiful empowering posts those were…felt a surge of life in me reading this whole piece. I’m sure you’ll keep growing as you are someone who keeps an eye on her actions, and analyze them minutely…and so many of those analysises find their way to your well maintained blog and enrich many others…always a pleasure to read your work and comments Pragalbha…have a great year ahead..✌👍✌

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Your words have always been so healing and nurturing.
    Send your a way lot of self and thanks for putting so much good out there.
    Happy New year Pragalbha, wishing you a year of Joy and growth.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m so glad that I decided to visit today. I always feel like I get this deep warmth and understanding for my own self as you express yourself.

    Also I feel you are so fortunate to have this: “There are some around you who have always loved you, with whom you are amazing and it is easy. You feel safe being yourself.“ I think it really helps to come out of your shell when the people around you support you to be exactly who and as you are, giving space for your freedom of discovery and for seeing you as a changing, growing wonderful and amazing being! Naturally I see that in you.

    I really hope you enjoyed your time away, and I know you are/have.

    Many blessings to you!

    Liked by 1 person

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