Truthful Commitments

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Photo Credit: Manish Doshi “A wave washes over” at sunset on Kauai

Please read my previous post Don’t blow up your Life, as I continue my thoughts on long term relationships, while staying true to yourself, in this post.

There are long term relationships that have security of commitment and complete trust. Sometimes the problem that people face, in such relations, is of feeling saturated and locked in roles chosen for themselves.

The point of view of what you are required to do day after day, year after year becomes a sort of a confinement. You forget to ask if, whatever you choose to do, adds to the well being of you, or your relationship. When you do things because the other won’t do it or do it well enough, resentment builds up. The really small things in life become the biggest concern in such relationships.

There comes a rigidity of perspectives or a denial of an important communication that needs to happen. There is a knowing that one can depend on the other for life itself when needed, yet there is discontent on a daily basis.

The small things that become a pattern in a long time, call for conversations that feel difficult.  You make the conclusion that it is not something worth bringing up. After so long why doesn’t the other understand without explaining? – you ask. Eventually distress comes up just in presence of the other person. The original intention of love is so strong that you can’t imagine having THE conversation. This so called love cannot see the other in pain, angst or anger. So the pattern continues.

I think it is very arrogant of you, to keep living your partner’s distress and your’s, on your own. Robbing the other, an opportunity of living and facing their own humanness. Say your truth, yes the difficult one, and let the other feel the distress.

Hold the space for all unfoldings with love. Give space so you are not intersecting emotions. Allow the mess and the chaos. It is as short lived as the phases of happiness themselves. Remind each other anew the goodness that made you choose each other, in the first place.

When that wave has lived its life and washed over each of you, it will leave behind, your own joyful ways of being. Then when you meet each other in your own truth and joy, THAT is when you really meet each other again.

You experience the juice of the joy of being together. True commitment and love in relations comes in allowing space for each to find themselves and their truths.  Accepting the other, in all phases of that quest.

Marriages have happened for all kinds of reasons – physical, societal, familial, and because you had a knowing of certainty regarding your commitment. None are exempt from evolution, personal or relational. When we feel the greater Love in our being to share with each other, THAT is true union. And it always exists in intention and potential.

We are souls who found each other in commitment to do this work with ourselves, to have someone to come home to, from our deep explorations of ourselves.

And so we hold space for each other, in trust, love and kindness, through our own courageous, individual life journeys. We speak our truth, the ones that did not have an opportunity before, because what we had was enough, or we simply chose to escape the discomfort. Don’t be afraid to take the lead!

 

This post is a contribution to ForgivingFridays of Forgving Connect, a blog space I adore by dear Debbie Roth.

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23 thoughts on “Truthful Commitments

  1. Souls must go though a metamorphosis many times during the course of a relationship. What better way is there to move out of the cocoon and into the next butterfly stage, than with a life partner by your side?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh Pragalbha, thank you for your wisdom and caring comments on relationships!! I love what you wrote about being honest with loving, and allowing space for each person to learn and grow. With caring and joy. You are amazing and full of love. I’m grateful to share your post for #ForgivingFridays. Many blessings to you and to all who read your blog. Lots of love – Debbie

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: Today’s Forgiving Fridays: Letting Go of Old Habits (yay!) – ForgivingConnects

  4. I think what can happen is we can get into the “grind” of life. Even if it is a successful life. One might have a spouse, kids, house, good job, all the things that one thought 20 years ago… if you ever had would make you infinitely happy…but you’re not happy. Sometimes in the grind of life a person in a relationship starts to feel locked into a role, parts of which he/she does not like whether this has been intentional or not. One starts to feel “trapped” in the unsatisfying
    part of such a role and that is where the unhappiness comes from and potential friction with partner. At such a point things need a “refesh”… Some examination of roles that will give each partner more satisfaction. It probably starts with an honest “non-threatening” conversation. I think most people don’t intentionally want see their partner unhappy. Their partner’s unhappiness probably leads to unhappiness for them as well and they likely have some things within relationship or roles which also make them feel constrained, trapped, or unhappy. An honest conversation…and this may not be easy to get to when too much unhappiness has become pent-up. All I can say is express and show love in initiating such a conversation. It is likely both partners have a few things to get off their chests. It can be cathartic. If you can squeeze in that hug it helps. In a healthy relationship both partners want each other to be happy, strong, and self-actualized. I know I want a partner with whom I feel I can run the world… it’s a bit of a lofty expectation. But she can’t do this is she is unhappy, trapped in doing or being someone that does not allow her to become self-actualized and to be herself. I want a happy, strong partner. I need to pay attention to make sure I’m her partner in crime, so we both can both achieve this together.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bingo!! You have extracted the message and feeling in my post, with exactness in all of its facets. The dream for happiness that was 20 years ago does not the remain the same for that long. For our soul journeys are about self-actualization and as partners we are together to facilitate that. After achieving worldly success, we are bound to come face to face with this reality and our truth. It takes 2 strong players to play the game of life truthfully.
      Thank you for your thoughtful reflections and time always!

      Liked by 1 person

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