Ablaze with Truth

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‘ABLAZE’  – Photo by Manish Doshi

 

It is a visceral feeling.
The emotion of anger.
It feels like an old one. It is so physical as if ablaze.
That block, the lead block right on the core of my heart, it is heavily burrowing down. Into the deep abyss of my being.
Get it offf now!

I am angry. I am angry about smiling through it all …all these years.
I am angry that I had such positivity. ..all these years.
I am angry I had so much love and the need for love in me that I overlooked and even enjoyed this same thing.
I am angry that I wasn’t angry the first time this happened.

I am speaking the truth regarding this for the first time.
The truth that I had no idea of. The truth that was buried deep down to fulfill my other needs.
That’s it.
It has been my choice all along. To smile through it. To keep finding what is right in it. To hold it in my pot of love.

Today it is me who has changed.
It is me who has become aware of my hidden truth.
I am actually ablaze with this revelation.
With no skill whatsoever to contain it and express it, it has come as anger.

It is still visceral …yet it has changed.
The blaze has softened. I have finally seen it and honored it for what it is.
The iron block on my heart, still there.
It is so much of grief and guilt over my unskilled expression of my truth.
My assumption that it is wrong to feel this anger. That it is wrong to feel this bad, about something I accepted as normal, all my life.

Awakening to my own truth and suddenly choosing it and living it, is a very raw experience.
As if a rebirth into another person.
Definitely an unexpected guest, often an unpleasant one, in the lives of those accustomed to my smiling through it.
I decide to accept my anger for what it is.
I give myself permission to feel the human emotion of anger.

It came as a visceral wave of awakening and it has passed.
I am left with this heavy brick on my heart
I pour love for myself. Hold myself with compassion.
It is amazing to physically feel the brick soften.
And now melt and diffuse.
I feel space. I feel a soft strength.
There is a freshness in the way of my being.
There is a quiet quiet space of being.
Soothing and healing and forgiving.
I will stay immersed in this silence today.

 

P.S. This post is a contribution to ForgivingFridays of dear blogger Debbie. My wish is of self healing and forgiving through the process of becoming aware of our own Truth.

This post was originally published at This Glorious Mess on Medium

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96 thoughts on “Ablaze with Truth”

  1. I think I know what you mean… in the process of transformation/ growing we can come against something we thought we cured or we didn’t want to see and then it comes up again to gaze at us. But the realization of its presence is actually a confirmation of our progress

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  2. My devotion this morning was all about anger. How about that? I wonder how often I am angry simply because I didn’t get what I wanted. I am a child that needs to grow up and an adult that needs to become a child again.

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  6. In one of your comments to this you said something about coming to the realization of living far from our truths. I think I can relate to that, how I interpret it anyway. I sometimes think I am “right” and just, to find out that I truly am not. It will shake us for sure.

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  10. This is a powerful piece of writing .. We so often suppress Anger thinking it not the done thing.. That we are above such emotion.. But in truth both Anger and Love are needed.. And we should honour both emotions equally.. Balancing them is the key.. learning not to be consumed by Anger that it turns to hate..
    Learning to be gentle with ourselves..

    When I went through a nervous breakdown, oh many many years ago in the 90’s, I learnt to vent anger by hitting a pillow.. I would punch it until I was exhausted..
    If we do not let go of Anger.. it builds up within causing so much damage..
    Letting it go, and releasing it is something we each should do, but without harming others in the process..

    When we let it go, it naturally gets replaced with love and Peace.. And as we grow, we learn that the things that made us angry, are no longer important.. For we find far much more to make us happy..

    Love and Blessings
    Sue ❤

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  11. I am angry. I am angry about smiling through it all …all these years.
    I am angry that I had such positivity. ..all these years.
    That gives an insight that how challenging are human emotions.. a positive attribute can also be suffocating.. Anger management not that easy

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  12. Oh Pragalbha, I am so touched I cried. What a self-honoring poem!!! It is so healing to simply express what is happening inside of you and accept all of it. I was with you every step of the way. There is such wisdom, compassion, kindness, and authenticity in your post. I am HONORED to share this for Forgiving Fridays. Blessings to you, and thank you so much.
    Love to you, Debbie

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  13. What a thought-provoking poem! It is incredible how many years you can go feeling a certain emotion, only to feel guilty about it after. I think many people have a secret patch of anger within them, caused by the build of something they have not moved on from.

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  16. What an beautiful message and an excellent expression of the same. Are we all conditioned to believe that we must hide our displeasure to appease the other person, just so that the person who holds the respect of your love must not be hurt?
    Glad you let it out. Glad it softened and strengthened you, all the same.

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  22. Pingback: Today’s Forgiving Fridays: A Fun 7 Days of Forgiveness! – ForgivingConnects

  25. Beautifully penned. I have experienced anger in mnay ways… BUT I agree with you: a new total twsit and attitude is to laugh about, To surrender and turn that anger into something creative and productive. Once you move from anger you´ll feel at ease about quite everything, even if that entails unfair things. xx 😉

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  29. Pingback: Today’s Forgiving Fridays: A Forgiving Vacation – and a Blessing! – ForgivingConnects

  30. I’m thanking Debbie for the reminder to pop by and read your beautiful, visceral poem! I can only imagine the anger one would feel if they didn’t honour their true selves for years, I’m glad to read of the softness and strength that can come when one finally does!

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  32. this is a wonderful contribution. Very personally, profoundly and emotionally very well to understand. Beautifully written. The heaviness on the heart knows everyone and I think everyone affects this gravity differently, because every human being is different. I rarely feel anger, nor have the need for it, nor do I feel better when I was angry. I am a human being who is sad and this sadness can certainly take over the same function as the anger. It changes a human being, which is right. But as said, all people are different. I see many things that I have actually suppressed in my basic needs, but I am and remain a person who likes to take care of others, that is just a personal property that I neither have to change nor want. But anger or sadness, it´s o.k. to feel it to be better afterwards!

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    • Thank you so much for sharing your reflections and thought process on this. All individuals are different, as you say, and all emotions are beautiful. I believe in seeing all emotions for what they are and working with them to progress from where we are.

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      • thank you Infinite Living for answering and always haveing these hopeful nice words: You are definetely a step further than me. I know that we have to accept all emotions and feelings. And I´m sure that if you understood once, you can learn to love all of them. For instant I´m not able to say that my sadness ist beautiful…: (

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  33. Quote-
    “Awakening to my own truth and suddenly choosing it and living it, is a very raw experience.
    As if a rebirth into another person”

    This is a spectacular capture in the psych processes. Very relevant to authenticity

    Liked by 2 people

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