Confidence is being sure of self or free of doubt. My exploration and revelation about it has been amusing to me. In any given moment the word confidence means nothing to me. I don’t relate to it or I don’t sense it in my body. Wait, let me finish 🙂
If I were to think of times when I felt very sure of myself, they come very easily to me. The times when I am writing like this, some poetry is flowing out of me or I am with a student, my sons or friend to answer a question that I am very sure I can answer. At least I can always answer ‘I don’t know’. I am not shy of that answer at all.
Those are the times I am confident of what I am saying and what I mean. Yet confidence is not a dominant part of my body language. All I know is when I am sure of myself, I am very relaxed in my way of being. The words, actions and answers are coming through me from some place of knowing that I am unable to own. It is more that I am willing to be owned by that knowing, I have surrendered to all the Universal knowing that wants to flow through me. This always keeps working for me, as long as, I stay in this space that gives true joy in my being. That joy becomes a delight when others understand me.
The world is made of people on different gradation on the confidence scale. There are people of robust physiques and best confident body language, unable to recall the last time they felt very sure of themselves. This way of being has worked for them in the world and they have practiced it enough to feel and seem very natural. There’s people who truly embody their most genuine and very assured way of being. They inspire me.
I have spent more of my time facing myself than I have spent facing the world. I have had to reach to the core of the Universal wisdom to be able to survive some of my life moments. And I have practiced those truths enough in my way of being, to feel natural about them. I have no shred of doubt in me when they flow through me.
I can get very timid where the world setting asks for a prominent presence of visibility in the physical body. That is my learning curve to cultivate the essence and strength of knowing to become evident as a felt-sense in my being. And it is some person’s learning curve to reach to their core knowing and cultivate it, for it to merge with their well-stitched cloak of confidence.
Where does each one of us place ourselves on the scale of confidence?
To me personally, it has 2 ends to it …Worldly & Universal. I will be working to bring them together …so I don’t feel like a split person in one body anymore …
P.S. I am sure of what I mean here, not at all sure of what it translates to you 🙂 Please enlighten me on my learning curve, either way, in agreement or in contradiction.